Life from Three Dimensions

 Marching feet

 Swords clash, and daggers meet

 Rain hits the bloody rivers flowing

 And the vultures fly to feast, silently crowing

 

 The faces' expressions blank

 As the bodies fill the river bank

 Swords clashing, but no death

 For the ash filling our lungs have already taken away our breath

 

 Ash of suffering

 Vulters of wicked

 Bloody land reflecting red skies

 Moon light still shining grim hope

 

 Daggers slicing flesh

 Teeth of cannible's thresh

 This shall never end

 Our whole life fighting, we'll spend

 

 So our message is clear

 As we strike final blows of fear

 As we watch falling tear after tear

 With a blank stare

 

 Ash of suffering

 Vulters of wicked

 Bloody land reflecting red skies

 Moon light barely shining grim hope

 

 Laughing as I watch men

 Out of control like a headless hen  

 All because of pawns put in right places

 And I used the right aces

 

 Sometimes being the devil is amazing

 The sights you see

 Watcing the flames raising

 It's so beautifuly evil being me

 

 Ash of suffering

 Vultures of wicked

 Bloody land reflecting red skies

 Moon light has no light, only dripping blood

Reviews

[†Tracey†]

I enjoyed this. nice and dark like I like them :) xo

[David the writer]

Thanx

[Damien Davison]

Very unique style of writing, very good I must say. I love medieval inspired work and the darkly. Good job!

[David the writer]

Thanx dude!

[RachelReaper]

"For the ash filling our lungs have already taken away our breath" was my favorite line, I loved this poem! Satisfies my evil nature for the day *cackles*. The images you get from reading it are excellent, the effects of this would be great in a movie.

[David the writer]

Thanks, a lot! Uhm..srry to break it to you, but uhm I had a specific piece, but this is greatly appreciated, and I'll make sure to pay you back for this review as well. And again thanx!

[RachelReaper]

i figured that out the second I reviewed this, but they, there's another review for ya, anyways

[RachelReaper]

Oh, I remember this one!!!! Great job and getting it published, as i said earlier, the imagery is awesome

[David the writer]

Thanx :D

[:-)]

Ooh, this is awesome! Imagery is what I look for in poems and you completely nailed this one. 7th stanza was my favorite. Really powerful... And... Creepy, I guess? In a good way, though.

And criticism: some of the rhyming seems a bit forced. Try reading it aloud and seeing which lines don't flow as well as you'd like them to. 4th stanza, "cannible's" is actually "cannibal's."

These are fairly minor problems, though. You have here a solidly amazing piece. Good job. :)

[David the writer]

Thanx a lot!

[:-)]

No problem. :) hope I was of help.

[Alexa Tasch]

The first stanza pulled me right away. This was beautifully dark with great details. "bloody land reflecting red skies" It gave me chills! (but in a good way) Wonderful piece!

[David the writer]

Thanks!

[Alexa Tasch]

You're welcome!

[C.C. Marx]

I thought it had something to do with the devil....your details were great I mean like *shudders* "headless hens" really that gave me such a wonderful mental picture anyways great piece :)

[David the writer]

Thanx.

[C.C. Marx]

no problem enjoyed it...it thinks one of your best

[David the writer]

I do too, that's why I submitted this to a publisher! :D

[C.C. Marx]

That's awesome, good luck to you :)

[David the writer]

thanx!

[Harley (arbiter)]

Reminds me of "for whom the bell tolls". A good descriptive piece

[David the writer]

Thanx man. Reminding anyone of "For whom the bell tolls" is a complimant any day :D

[Admiral Kirk]

0.0 This... is... EPIC... 0.0 It's the devil... watching people... WHOA!!! :O Good job lol :)

[David the writer]

Thanx, the war is actually happening too. You get to see it how everyone else does. Kool huh?

[Admiral Kirk]

WHOA. :O Haha, qoole. xD

[David the writer]

Thanx dude, I thought it was kool enough to submit too C:

[Admiral Kirk]

AWESOME. :D :D :D

[David the writer]

Thanx again dude...or is it dudet???
srry, i can't tell because your glasses in the profile pic. That's where I can tell chix from dudes. Plus chin but your chin is also cutt out just a little

[Admiral Kirk]

lawl :) Itsh uh... Herm... Idk... I think... I'm confused about everything. Dude is okay. :) I'd pick male if I could pick one. ^-^ lol :)

[Admiral Kirk]

Oh, no, I'm not bi, I just don't have a pronounced "sex" per say. lolol xD

[David the writer]

Whoops...well that's a my bad! lol Sorry

[Admiral Kirk]

lol that's okay... :) Most people think I'm a girl lol... Itsh funny... (: I don't really look like a girl though... idk... lol

[Amanda]

I like the fifth stanza the best

[David the writer]

Thanx a lot, I feel this is my best poem so far