autumn part 5

Walking downstairs, I came across an elegant painting of my father and mother, hung on a white marble wall, mother's hand holding on to father's, their faces all worn out. The painting was bordered with a "snowflake fractals" detailed silver frame. Mother told me it was a gift from the president for serving the country, very little people received that honor and that I should be proud, but I am not.

See, in the 22nd century, especially here in the states, the poor were in dire straits, while the rich were enjoying the luxury. And I can't stand that. When I was younger, I'd always protest to my father that if we get to enjoy the opulence, so why can't they? I'd kept on doing so and he'd kept on telling me that I am too young to understand. When I got older, I slowly forgot about them, about how I used to fight for their rights to enjoy what we enjoy, to be equal. I guess I'm not as good as I thought, now that I look back into the past.

I stood there, staring at the painting, lost in the past, when John called me for breakfast.

"Master Alex," John called out "Master Alex..." 

"Master Alex... Hey master Alex! Your servant is calling you!" Mia said in a robotic voice.

"Y... Yes?" I snapped back into reality. 

"Your brea..." John said before he was interrupted by Mia.

"Your breakfast is ready!" Mia said, walking to the glass dining table. She pulled out the metallic chair and sat there waiting to be served.

"Ermm... Yeah, I know..." My mind still trying to shake off the thoughts. "You eat first... I'll join you later..."

"Master Alex, is anything wrong?" John asked.

"Don't worry JJ. He is always that weird." 

I was about to shout at Mia and tell her to shut up, but was heckled by the sound of a huge explosion.  

Author's Note

Don't ignore the error, but please be kind and correct me. Thank you.

Reviews

[Xavier Lee]

I feel like your writing is a bit rushed. I commented before, but I would like to reiterate, details are our greatest allies in writing. You have an interesting story, and I'm curious about what will happen. But you need to work on taking more time to explain, and also finding the right way to do so. Timing is also important. But despite all that. I can't wait to hear more from you.

[David Ung]

Thank you. I will try to detail it up more next time.

[keeanaaaa]

I agree with the others, you do seem a bit rushed when writing. I would wait until you actually had the time to sit down, write, review your work and then post it. It'll give you a change to read over the piece from a reader's perspective instead of a writer's perspective.

[Nonnye]

Hi,
Your dialogue is strong. It creates the animosity between brother and sister it also draws a more clear picture of who they are. Through the dialogue each character including the AI become more solid.
The last line did not deliver the impact it could have. The use of "was about" and the end of the sentence;" . . . . to shut up. . . " interrupted the impact and weakened it. "Heckled" doesn't fit here. This line is the climax of the foreshadowing from previous chapters. It needs to slap us in the face!

[David Ung]

Thank you for the review. I will try to change it and make it better... :)

[Xavier Lee]

heckle: interrupt (a public speaker) with derisive or aggressive comments or abuse.
Just to let you know why the word doesn't fit here.