Wars are inevitable. They are dreads and predicaments everyone cannot avoid, for they are written in our DNA's. We were taught that wars were provoked, when two polar opposites types of people meet. Evil and Good. However, that is not what I've learned throughout the years. No one is pure evil or pure good unless they are God or the devil. A good and innocent person is only a patient wolf and an evil person only does evil for good, or at least they start off well. You might question my experiences in life, but trust me, I've been through hell, I've met and done the impossible, or at least was the impossible. It's okay if you will take this all as a joke or just another fable story, but what I am going to tell you now changed my life.
2157, 12th of November. The wind was rustling. Piled upon the dew covered grass the brittle brown and orange leaves whirled around in circles as the wind swept it across the streets. The sun's triumphant light ripped a chasm between the sky and the dull colored roofs and the leaves, the beautiful leaves. I could smell the breeze everywhere in my huge bedroom (well my parent's bedroom, they are out in the capital doing work so I reckon they wouldn't mind if I borrowed it). The smell was so sensational it baited me up from my slumber. I stood there on the balcony, (unaware of what devastation I am going to encounter later) overlooking the town. I don't know about you, but I used to love autumn, in fact, it was my favorite time of year. At least it was.
Good start. Here are a few pointers: "2" should be spelled out; any number that is smaller than 100 (I think) should be spelled out rather than put in its numerical form unless you are referring to a date or address etc. Also, I think the last sentence should be separated. "...it was my favorite time of year. At least, it was."
Good start. Here are a few pointers: "2" should be spelled out; any number that is smaller than 100 (I think) should be spelled out rather than put in its numerical form unless you are referring to a date or address etc. Also, I think the last sentence should be separated. "...it was my favorite time of year. At least, it was."
Hey and thanks for posting. This is an interesting opening.
Some areas you may want to look at more closely, Punctuation. Capitalize after periods etc. I know that Patient (used in line 6) can be defined in some dictionaries as meaning the same as "patience" but don't do it. "Patience" for someone who is being patience is more accepted than "Patient" which more often refers to an ill person.
Very interesting story hope to read more.
Nonnye
Very good so far, I like how the story is set in the future, that promises to offer some interesting events later in the story. I admit, I would like to read more of your writing, this little bit here has me intrigued, and I am anxious to see where you may take the story. So far, it was well written, one thing though: Instead of learnt, I think it should be learned. Other than that, very fine piece of writing and I will be reading more, thank you for sharing and get some more writing up soon, ok?
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
i will try to write part 2 if i got time, because i am revising for my upcoming exam
"To reduce the look of wrinkles from my beautiful face, I started using Dermagen iQ on a regular basis. I collaborated with them on Dermagen iQ but also organizations don't want to suspect touching on.. more..