autumn part 1

autumn part 1

A Chapter by David Ung

Wars are inevitable. They are dreads and predicaments everyone cannot avoid, for they are written in our DNA's. We were taught that wars were provoked, when two polar opposites types of people meet. Evil and Good. However, that is not what I've learned throughout the years. No one is pure evil or pure good unless they are God or the devil. A good and innocent person is only a patient wolf and an evil person only does evil for good, or at least they start off well. You might question my experiences in life, but trust me, I've been through hell, I've met and done the impossible, or at least was the impossible. It's okay if you will take this all as a joke or just another fable story, but what I am going to tell you now changed my life.

2157, 12th of November. The wind was rustling. Piled upon the dew covered grass the brittle brown and orange leaves whirled around in circles as the wind swept it across the streets. The sun's triumphant light ripped a chasm between the sky and the dull colored roofs and the leaves, the beautiful leaves. I could smell the breeze everywhere in my huge bedroom (well my parent's bedroom, they are out in the capital doing work so I reckon they wouldn't mind if I borrowed it). The smell was so sensational it baited me up from my slumber. I stood there on the balcony, (unaware of what devastation I am going to encounter later) overlooking the town. I don't know about you, but I used to love autumn, in fact, it was my favorite time of year. At least it was.



© 2015 David Ung


Author's Note

David Ung
please tell me your opinions and advise me on what i did wrong and tell me what i should have done instead. Thanks alot.

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Good start. Here are a few pointers: "2" should be spelled out; any number that is smaller than 100 (I think) should be spelled out rather than put in its numerical form unless you are referring to a date or address etc. Also, I think the last sentence should be separated. "...it was my favorite time of year. At least, it was."

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

David Ung

9 Years Ago

Thank you, I will change that up.



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BL
Love it, I will be reading more

Posted 9 Years Ago


Really like the way you describe everything. I like the way you're starting this story out. Feels like something big is going to happen.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

David Ung

9 Years Ago

Thank you very much.
Good start. Here are a few pointers: "2" should be spelled out; any number that is smaller than 100 (I think) should be spelled out rather than put in its numerical form unless you are referring to a date or address etc. Also, I think the last sentence should be separated. "...it was my favorite time of year. At least, it was."

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

David Ung

9 Years Ago

Thank you, I will change that up.
Hey and thanks for posting. This is an interesting opening.
Some areas you may want to look at more closely, Punctuation. Capitalize after periods etc. I know that Patient (used in line 6) can be defined in some dictionaries as meaning the same as "patience" but don't do it. "Patience" for someone who is being patience is more accepted than "Patient" which more often refers to an ill person.
Very interesting story hope to read more.
Nonnye

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Your writings will soon be revered by everyone.... I personally enamour it! So,keep up the work!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

David Ung

9 Years Ago

thanx.

thank you very much.
Very good so far, I like how the story is set in the future, that promises to offer some interesting events later in the story. I admit, I would like to read more of your writing, this little bit here has me intrigued, and I am anxious to see where you may take the story. So far, it was well written, one thing though: Instead of learnt, I think it should be learned. Other than that, very fine piece of writing and I will be reading more, thank you for sharing and get some more writing up soon, ok?

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

David Ung

9 Years Ago

i will try to write part 2 if i got time, because i am revising for my upcoming exam

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Added on November 17, 2014
Last Updated on March 7, 2015


Author

David Ung
David Ung

phnom penh, south east asia, Cambodia



About
"To reduce the look of wrinkles from my beautiful face, I started using Dermagen iQ on a regular basis. I collaborated with them on Dermagen iQ but also organizations don't want to suspect touching on.. more..

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