Part 1

The Journey begins...

The rush is something that’ll “make a loser a hero in 0.235 seconds”, at least that’s what the captain used to say back on earth... Back on earth- listen to me. Six years at the academy, three years of flight training, 112 books, 32 professors, seven graduations, 3000 lessons... give or take, at least 8000 hours of education, I’ve experienced weightlessness more than I can remember- And still I don’t believe it.

   “Disengaging primary thrusters in three” to my left is my co-pilot, James Howard- but I call him Goose, he looks at me and smiles that infectious smile of his. I look forward, daylight turns to night, and start to believe it. The ship rumbles as it breaks through the ozone layer hitting the hard sludge of space. The noise let up and what was seconds before a roar of engine fuel burn became a squeak and whisper. My hands griped the seat tighter now even though I know we’ve hit the comfort zone, the quiet protector- called space. It scares me. It scares me that my fate lies in a culmination of theory an math, in the hands of some ominous entity, some ghost.

   I feel Goose’s eyes burning into my side so I look at him and nod as if the roar is still there, he nods back and begins to unstrap himself from the seat. He flies into the secondary chamber, to remove his suit and grab his personal things no doubt. I begin to unstrap myself but catch my reflection in the glass, I look at myself. I look miserable for a man in space, I look into my eyes now, staring... Looking for something, but I’m not quite sure what. I close my eyes for a moment and see light in my pupil. I stop for a moment, realising I’m staring at stars, I realize that I wish I wasn’t. I take off my last strap and watch as Goose floats in, true enough, with his family pictures and wedding ring. Usually he’s quite the chatter but he doesn’t say a word, he just drifts to his seat, tips it back and looks at the photo’s one by one.

   I check fuel gauges- sustained, signals- sustained. Everything is in order. Theres nothing to do but roll across this dark ocean. I look again through the glass as if a bird watcher looking intently for some rare species, some bird of space- a distraction from the silence that resonates from Goose and his memories. I begin to make shapes out of the distant stars- magpies and crows, I try to remember what they sound like, but its like my memory was left on earth, so I just imagine and allow the creaks and beeps of the shuttle to become the calls of the birds. Though the magpie fades past us, the crow remains with me for what seems like hours. One of Gooses photos taps my side, I pick up and look to him- hes still in his little world, his eyes glistening, smiling and happy. I don't think to tell him, instead I look at the photo... its his wife and two boys. His family are beautiful, his kids standing proud in those NASA blue shirts we all got given on our graduation, the shirts fall down to their knees but their smiles show they don't care at all. His wife looks contempt, with a look of satisfaction. Serene and pure her eyes pierce right through me and remind me..this is not yours. I look back to Goose who now looking back at me has his arm stretched out and hand crying out for the photo. I give it back. Her eye remain with me for a while, taunting me in this silence.

   Hours pass- Goose says little, he's taking in the “moment” says it'll last for an eternity. I nod at everything he says, believing him as if I'm a child hearing a fairy tale, I believe but I secretly resent every word, wishing he's lying. We get no call from home, no updates from base. Instead of worrying we mole through comms, pretending we never expected them at all. Its suits us both leaving Goose in his peace and me in my melancholy. Its fine. Goose's eternity seems to bleed into mine and this journey goes on and on with no destination in sight- I think “we should be there by now!”. I keep watching the fuel gauges, tick anti-clockwise into numbers that were never mentioned on earth, numbers I cant deal with. I grip my seat, quaking with fear, as we forgo all the securities of training. But Goose is silent-still in this time of dire circumstance. His mouth opens but his words are whispers to me. I look back out into the ocean, the stars now thick around us... like sand before a shore. I hear a silent cry, the warning light flickers on, the Crow- has returned. Its eyes get bigger and bigger now engulfing us, into a deep sludge of blacks, browns and reds. Its fiery core wraps around the ship like a volatile blanket rushing us towards a greater mass- all the while it cries, more and more, louder and louder... Goose who now sits in a perfect serenity- photos floating around him like some childish mobile- his smile infectious, seems bigger and bigger. I shake him as if to knock him to his senses but his head simply turns to me and grins more. I scream and then grit my teeth, looking on and resigning into the wings of this crow. I want to close my eyes for fear, but I want to see it all.

Author's Note

a work in progress