Book Club

A re-worked oldie for library enthusiasts

After climbing through a here and there hoop

John became involved with a book reading group

To read ‘Ulysees’ by someone named Joyce

He decided that would be his first reading choice

 

A smile from the lady beside whom he sat

Who strangely, in the library, was wearing a hat

She looked to be reading something about trees

Her pleasant smile put first-timer John at ease

 

Before starting he realized there’d be a coffee need

Feeling quite sluggish, it should get him up to speed

With his old legs always feelin kina contrary

It was of course, located far end of the library

 

Those old legs carrying him back to his reading debut

Also included two sugars, one cream in his cupa brew

Receiving another smile from the nice lady with hat

Back down onto a (hard back) chair, he’d finally sat

 

First page was explored along with a hot coffee sip

Unfortunately, onto that page went a coffee drop drip

While wiping, ( smearing) it off with his fingertip

He explained to the nice lady, it was just a slight drip

 

Attempting to distract, John looked down at his wrist watch

Which resulted in more drip’s dropping onto his crotch

With his light-colored pants further highlighting the stain

He decided that from “Ulysses’ he’d much rather abstain

 

As an embarrassed John passed by where he’d sat

He bumped the table, causing another on-lap coffee splat

Erasing all smiles from the lady with the large hat

With her verbal response far exceeding, simply a ‘drat’

 

He, noticing the frowning hat lady looking kina sickly

The library guard at the entrance, ran over priddy quickly

Also noticing John trying to keep his crotch out of sight

While at the same time, seemed to be attempting a flight

 

Into a hammerlock, John was thrown down pon the ground

Whilst into his cellphone guard utter a ‘help needed’ sound

All this causing the hat lady to scream out awfully loud

Her alarming shriek attracting the book reading crowd

 

The zealous guard also being startled by her shrieking bray

Unintentionally relaxing his grip, allowed John to slip away

Out near-by exit door, crotch-stained John ran like a deer

His only aim being, ‘to get the “G** D****d hell out of here!”

 

Across busy highways, crotch-stained John took his flight

Multitudinous shocked driver’s hammered brakes at the sight

With an overweight, out of shape guard heavily in pursuit

Huffing and puffing in the library’s, dark blue, guard suit

 

They both crossing ‘Mother Gooses’ defined, hill and dale

The exhausted, overweight guard deftly stayed on John’s trail

However, with John realizing his fleeing leg couldn’t survive

He’d hurriedly hot wired a cool Mustang intended to drive

 

This theft had the highway patrol soon hot on his tail

Which had John find his driving skills hadn’t gone stale

Around each corner he had that Mustang 4-wheel drifting

While being enjoyably engaged in 5 speed quick shifting

 

This fast-fleeing figure finally evaded each sign of pursuit

Including that of an especially well-fed guard in his suit

Finally swapping the rad Mustang for a worn-out old V-Dub

He promised never again to go near any reading club

 

With his interest in “Ulysses” having fading ever away

To replace book clubbing, John had instead opened a café

Altho’ it is possible he will eventually read about Ulyssis one day

In the meanwhile, he’s still dealing with coffee stain dismay

 

Reviews

[John Sullivan]

As a lover of coffee, bookstores, and libraries, I approve

[Dave Brown]

Thankyou for that John
with the library usually crammed on Sundays, I hope you can find a spot to cram into, my only suggestion being, that you watch your crotch!!
Have a good one

[John Sullivan]

Ahahaha, I had to get a new keyboard recently for this reason. Waterproof, of course

[FGFRANKLIN]

Never take coffee to the "john" or something important might get scalded. (laughing) This was a fun read. I've never been in a book club. I've been swatted with a few magazines though. ;)

[Dave Brown]

not a book clubber either and this has me doubt I ever will

[FGFRANKLIN]

Ha, too funny. I like to read, just not much of a joiner.

[carl]

very fun read, impressed the way you managed to tell a story in line poetry form. thanks for the posting - carl

[Dave Brown]

I can't seem to write serious poetry so I enjoy doing this instead
Take care

[Patricia]

wow, John had a very bad day but also an exciting one! This is very funny and entertaining, had a good laugh!

[Dave Brown]

Thanks Patricia
Glad you enjoyed even if poor John had not

[willweb]

Khakis and coffee, not the best combination. : ) This was funny

[Dave Brown]

Thanks ww
No detectives involved but there was a copper or two
Enjoy your day

[Ookpik]

Hah! Belly laugh - for a second I thought ol' John had foregone Ulysses for the benefit of fiddling his diddle at the check-out counter. : )

If I'd seen that in person, and I've seen my fair share, I don't think I could contain myself - library or not, I'd've been hanging from the rafters. Lol

As an aside, if ol' John wanted to dip his toe into Joyce, this northern bird would lightly suggest that 'Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man' features the same character, Stephen Dedalus, but doesn't contain the technical elements that make Ulysses both a masterpiece and inaccessible to the general public. : )

Just an aside, HooHee though - no better way to start my day!

Whadda riot!

-Ook

[Dave Brown]

I am impressed with your literary consumption
"Poor Me- a JtheB concept" is not a reader and I am about as far away from Ulysses as is literarily possibly
Hope you are keeping warm
I remember while in Ft. St. John it used to take me nearly a half hour to warm up and de-ice but it was usually sunny for the 4-5 hours of daylight

[Ookpik]

No worries! : )

The days are gettin' longer here, and we've got a block heater for the Taco but, oh baby, it gets nipply!

And as for JtheB, he's not the John that came to mind when reading - from what I know, he's saved a life or two in his day and he's one of those that I'll always have respect for

Hats off to em' I say, and to each their own

Regardless Dave, 'preciate the read and all the best to you - your funny-bone never fails

Cheers,

-Ook