The Man

The hopeful man wanting to talk to the Gods

Willing to do whatsoever not to offend

Offering to even cut back on all his drinking

And stop cheating on his taxes year end

 

Willing to climb whatever mountains so high

Crawl across vast steaming deserts so dry

Wade through swamps with alligators’ eye to eye

After suffering hailstones he’d keep a dry eye

 

He’d gladly solve crimes by going undercover

Buy more countless treasures for his ex-lover

He’d purchase a drone and learn how to hover

Even live in a condo with his nauseous dud brother

 

He’d gladly paint dead grass a lovely, lush green

Be there to help all elderly across every street

Never again, to any cat, would he ever be mean

And would eat all his supper, except for red meat

He would become an Elvis impersonator

Even going down under to perform

And while there, adopt a cute little Koala bear

With A promise to keep it from harm 

 

He’d take lessons for flying on tender, wax wings

In an effort to get that much closer to Heaven

Although he’d just turned twenty-six today

He’d get started as soon as he turned twenty-seven

 

He’d revisit Hiawatha to help paddle his canoe

And would eat chocolate bars only once or twice

And when he was unable to solve the rubix-cube

He’d still pretend to be awfully darn nice

 

He’d touched no more bottles of beer

Or sneak more glasses of blackberry wines

Even try not to let his eyes wander too look

At shapely legs neath those short hem-lines

 

He’d gladly wrestle with the king of beasts

In an attempt to save every sweet baby lamb

And if he was required to lose fifty some pounds

He’d diligently stay with such a difficult program

 

He promised not to let his dog bark all night

He’d memorize America’s each and every song

Remember to cross all his t’s and dot his i’s

And try out arm-wrestling opponents 12 strong

 

Finally at the temple, when he was able to stop

He discovered not one God would come and talk  

And ever effort he made to converse with them

Had become nothing other than an unfortunate flop

 

However, in his determination to converse

With whomever happened to be an available God

He patiently waited at least 40 days and 40 nights

Until he was reluctantly given the OK nod

 

But he was to find the God’s thought him a clown

Referring to him as an unpleasant rude noun

Such rudeness had him tear their temple down

Then setting about chasing all the Gods outa town

 

They ran screaming, longside the Nile riverbed

Paddled in perplexed panic cross the Aegean Sea

Crawled on knees upon nasty sharp rocks

On brittle bones that were starved of vitamin D

 

Desperately, they looked to the Devil for help

Paid the Boogeyman for whatever kina self-defense

Hid in the deep blue sea disguised as rare Kelp

Were even nice to old ladies as a laughable pretense

 

Eventually these sorry Gods were captured and taken

All to be soaked in a huge cauldron of blackest oil

All were then spread on a BBQ he’d borrowed

And left there to completely sizzle and broil

 

This tale is now told to all newly graduating God’s

That in future, there’d be not another boo-boo

The Great Kahuna high above would say, grad day

“Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you”

 

Reviews

[Pete]

yes - pretense. must be genuine not acting like the pharisees. pretty long laundry list to save your soul. last line says it all. unfortunately, when we "graduate" is because we're dead. twisted clever write with good food for thought minus the bbq ... :)

[Dave Brown]

There you go using big words that simple souls such as myself don't understand, however I still appreciate your taking some of your valuable time to leave a comment and additionally, hope you have a great holiday season.
BTW, what is that thing you are holding on to??
Pete

[Pete]

you mean the broadsword?

[Dave Brown]

Ya Man
That thing looks lethal!!
Probably ends abuncha arguments

[Pete]

it's what mel gibson had in the movie braveheart - a peacemaker and revenge taker ... :)

[Betty Hermelee]

Try not to offend the Gods by doing so many kind acts,,,, then run them out if twin, because they were useless…perhaps they should stick with the devil….very thought provoking Dave…love it
Warmly, B

[Dave Brown]

yes, you could say the Gods were having a Devil of a time
may your romantic adventures keep leading us astray (warmly??) B

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome Dave, all the best
BESTB

[Dave Brown]

OH, thank goodness!!
BESTB it is then.
You had me alarmed and confused by signing 'Warmly, B
But I see you have again signed BESTB which has everything fitting back into its old familiar slot.
Lately, the world seems to be coming apart at the seems and seeing a (Warmly, B) in place of the ultra recognizable BESTB would have just added that little extra bit of confusion which might have sent us all "over the edge!!"
Again I say, It is such a relief to see BESTB back again.
Have a wonderful Xmas season BESTB

[Betty Hermelee]

You too "DAVIE", your new nickname!!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
BESTB

[Arundass TP]

Beautiful thought provoking poem. Good work 👍

[Dave Brown]

Appreciate you taking the time to visit and to leave a comment
Hope all goes well and I always look forward to reading more of your poetics

[Mauricio Montoya]

Wow this is deep but I'm a simple man I can't go far until I move my first foot forward. But nevertheless it's a good write.

[Dave Brown]

Thanks Mauricio
Appreciate you taking the time to visit

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Dave Dave Dave ! Your writing took me to a place I’d never imagined
Reminded me of an elvis impersonator annual music festival where there are hundreds of em
Loved it 😍

[Dave Brown]

aren't you funny
If I'd have thought about it, I would have had him impersonate Elvis
Enjoy your beach weather Julie