Bind Light

With the slightest of flickers, the boy’s eyelids began to stir. They were firmly shut and seemed as if by will of their own, wished to remain in such a state. They fought valiantly against him but with great effort, and much time, slowly they began to separate to reveal the empty black of his surroundings. Where am I? His eyes continued to flicker until the groggy state of his perception was replaced solely by an overly alert sense of urgency. Where am I?!

His eyes were fully awake now. They had to be he felt, he could feel the struggle to raise them being all too real before the minutes eventually passed and his overly tired weariness passed with them. He scanned his surroundings and all he saw before him was darkness; endless black without sight of the faintest trail of light. He had never known such emptiness in his vision before. It was slightly surreal at first, a feeling as if he was still asleep but being all too present in an empty dream. He shuffled until he could feel the tips of his toes begin to wriggle and explore beneath him and before long he knew he was confined beneath the heavy duvet of a bed. My own bed? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t remember going to bed that night, or anything at all. He was awake now but his senses were yet to fully come alive to his surroundings. The vast emptiness of black before his eyes stole away what little focus he had and his thoughts turned only to being able to see once more. He hated the dark but so did most children his age�"he was only ten years old. He turned ten a few days earlier; his mother telling him that he was ‘the man of the house now’ but all he could come to realise was that he was a small child alone in the dark, and panic awoke within him.

The room that he remembered was a small box room no bigger than his family’s shed, but it was all the room he needed and more. He didn’t have many toys to entertain himself and what little he did have he cherished and kept neatly tidied away and safe in his small press opposite his window. The average sized glass pane on the left side wall was the only real standout on the lime-green painted walls long since lost in poster and stickers. In summertime the morning light would hit his eyes bright and early though the faint cream blinds and continue to illuminate his room till just before evening time, when the tree branches outside would steal the light away and obscure all before the night time black arrived in full. His bed rested gently against the furthest wall from the door�"he remembered this as his wandering feet responded in kind to feel the cold surface of a masonry wall beside him. This must be my bed. Above the door he remember the small window box; he always questioned the purpose of a window above a door until bed time came around every night and the lights of the hall would shine down into his lowly room. He didn’t need it though, he had his night light every night which was enough to make everything visible; to help see where he was and let him know he was in his own little square safe haven. It wasn’t much of a room, but it was his. That was all that mattered.

By now his eyes had been opened for several minutes. He had waited for the drowsiness to clear so that his vision might adjust to the darkness before him, but it never did. He could feel the darkness around him fall heavy on his pupils as if it were a struggle to stare, as if his eyes sought desperately to see something out of the darkness surrounding him but found they no longer could. He titled his head across the pillow slightly to his right. He barely seemed able to move, as if unknowingly his body was afraid and was desperately trying to tell him so. His eyes focused on what he believed to be the far wall. The door should be there? He didn’t know. The window box above was void of light, as was any illumination from his trusted night light; the simple device charged so heavily with restraining his fears and worries. There was nothing now, only darkness. Why can’t I see?

As if by choice, the remaining senses in his body began to awake. His eyes were blind but the sudden chill of the late night air clipped the exposed toes appearing out beneath the sheets. A strange breeze shot up his leg as if grasping at him like a withered hand and he recoiled with a shiver. His ears began to flicker as the sudden silence surrounding him became deafening. Strange hymns of whistling on the wind appeared to echo around his room; the night-time gusts seemingly awoken as his sense of urgency became one of panic. The branches on the trees seemed disturbed by such activity and voiced their displeasure with gentle taps off the window pane�"each beat like a solemn knocking upon his door from something that wished to unsettle him further and took delight in his discomfort. He cried out into the darkness for help, or to simply cry�"he wasn’t sure. He could hear the rapturous screams of his voice but wondered if he truly was making any noise? Can anybody hear me? Perhaps it was the frantic thoughts of his mind that screamed to un-responding ears while in reality he lay upon his bed void of sound and sight. He screamed into the night once again. He questioned how long he had been there now; the seconds felt like minutes, the minutes felt like hours and the night seemed like an eternity. It was then at the height of his panic that the deafening sounds surrounding him went still and all became calm. His mind paused and came to a realisation. I’m blind. The light must be there he figured; he was no longer able to see it.

His sight had abandoned him he felt and his body struggled to react to such a thought. Yet it did, in a manner he was not expecting of. His thought wandered as he lay motionless to all the things his eyes would no longer stare upon and appreciate. He would never see the sunlight break through his blinds to signal to him the morning; he would never look upon the lime green walls and wish they were his favourite shade of blue. He would no longer watch himself grow older and mature as the world grew along with him. And yet as he lay there blind to the darkness and dwelling on what he lost, he could see in his mind a future where he was older, where a family�"his own family someday�"were happy, where they cared for and loved him and he knew his sight was irrelevant. He pictured a life where he no longer needed to see, but was able to feel and appreciate much of what was absent in his own life now. For a brief moment, he had more vision then he ever did in the light, and in that moment he smiled a curious smile.

A loud crashing awoke his senses. Had he been sleeping again? Perhaps. The noise was undoubtedly the door; it caved through with an unnecessary force as with it came a blinding burst of white that struck his eyes until the boy found himself blinded in the most opposite of ways. White, blinding white and glimmering silver struck his pupils and for a moment all he could feel was a cringing burning sensation as his sight adjusted. Light flooded in from the hallway once again�"light that was now visible to his eyes once more, albeit obstructed by a towering figure lingering between the door-frame. “Hey, shut up yelling will ya?!” came the overly aggressive response of his stepfather. The whiff of whiskey flooded into the room like crashing of a wave. “The power’s back on! Go back to sleep keep it down, alright?!” As quickly as he had entered, the man was once again gone.

The nightlight sprang to life moments later. His sight had returned and for a moment the boy felt silly to think he was actually blind�"he was still a child, and his overly-active imagination was always his greatest friend and worst enemy. The room surrounding him looked different now. The limey-green walls looked tackier than ever before; the small boxed shape never felt as condensed and claustrophobic as it had in that moment, and for a time he just lay there surveying it all wishing to escape. There was better meant for him than his boxed room and he had seen it now; a proper home with a proper family. He closed his eyes once again and returned to a makeshift sense of blindness, till once more everything returned to black and darkness. He remained happy there, knowing he could now see all that he ever wished to see. 

Reviews

[ohsograceful]

great job capturing the panic behind loss, it's a very distinct feeling.

[David Fawkes]

Hi, first of all thank you for taking the time to read the story, very appreciated! and again thank you, the sense of urgency and over panic in the mind was the real feeling I was trying to capture

[E.R Parker]

Awesome story! I am not a professional but I loved that the writer made me feel that I too had lost my sight. I would not have figured the end just being a child's over active imagination. I told from the story that sometimes out of the darkness you can find great happiness.

[David Fawkes]

Thank you for your review! Yes that's pretty much what I was going with, that 'in blindness he saw so much more' nearly, and saw things that were or could be happier or more pleasant then when he 'could see'