This is off the top of my head.

This is off the top of my head.

A Story by D.S.C. Young Writer 15 Years Old
"

A story that I am going to write as I sit here, form the top of my head. This is Copyrighted 2008 to 2078

"

  It's early morning and the sweet scent of autumn and freshly cut grass fills the air. The Sun is low in the sky and the shadows are long, the grass sparkles as the morning dew shines in the morning sunlight.

  Greg is stood at the bus stop in his drabby uniform, his rucsac is slung over one shoulder and his hair covers one eye. Greg doesn't have many friends, most people think he's a bit weird, they don't like the way he dresses, the way he talks, or the fact he used to be a city boy.

  The Sun had now come further up and was shining through the bare branches of the autumnul trees, that look like a giants skeliton. The rolling hill's of North Wales, dotted with sheep and drystone walls look pretty. Large holes where the old slate miners had scratched at the giant rock sat in the hillside, the streams of rain riding all over them, like tears mourning over the giants huge black gravestone. The golden leaves lie like a carpet on the green hills.

  Greg turned, he heard a sound. He smiled, not many things made him smile, or laugh, but this did, his girlfriend. Ceri, who had lived in Wales all her life was running with her school bag and open arms ready for a hug towards her boyfriend. She was a good friend, she understood him, she listened to him, but she wasn't like him, no, she had friends, lots of friends, and a full family. Greg embraced his girlfriend and felt warm inside.

  "Hiya baby." he said into her ear "Last day of year ten. Blimey, I need this holiday." they parted but held hands. Ceri is quite a fit girl, medium size, long blonde hair, and deep blue eyes, a stunner, she'd wanted a change from the boring country boys that had been harrasing her for most of her dull, boring country life and Greg was perect. A rugby player, muscles, designer clothes, nice hair, great personality, but most of all, in Ceris' opinion, a great kisser. "Yeah, me too. I've worked so hard this term it's about time." her Welsh accent was quite thick but Greg had gotten used to it pretty quickly, he thaught the accent made her a bit more cute.

  They were talking about people at school and how everyone was talking behind each others back when Greg heard the noise, it wasn't like the engine of the bus it was different, it was like the sound of a rally car. Just then he saw it, a huge VW rally came around the sharp wet bend too fast, the driver lost controll of the car and it began to slide sideways towards the boy and his girlfriend. Ceri stood paralized, her deep blue eyes fixed to the black sliding car. It got closer, closer, closer still Greg saw he had to do something anything to save his girlfriends life. He dumped his bag and tackled Ceri to the floor, she screamed as the speeding car hit the curb and flew over the top of the two youngsters. It landed several feet from their heads making a huge hole in the grass. The wheels spun as they tryed to get grip as they did the car sped off. Greg stood up fast but the car had gone, Ceri was still screaming. Greg helped her up and sat her on a park bench.

  "Y-y-you" she sobbed "You saved my l-life." he rubbed a reassuring hand over her back. He had saved her life, he knew he was a hero, yet it didn't have the same feel to it "Yeah babe, I wasn't gonna stand and watch you get killed. I love you." his hands were shaking but he felt happy letting Ceri snuggle into his jacket. Today was the day he became a hero.

© 2008 D.S.C. Young Writer 15 Years Old


Author's Note

D.S.C. Young Writer 15 Years Old
This was a quick story so please ignore spelling and pleaseeee comment and rate =D

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Reviews

i agree with Emma. When you want to describe fear, or panic, you should write with fear or panic. The reader shouldn't think....tum ti tum ti tum, what a nice day, what a horrible thing is going to happen! the reader should think...OH NO! WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN! EEKS!...

Otherwise nice story, only the end was a little rushed.

I found it not only entertaining but funny....
This line...

Yeah babe, I wasn't gonna stand and watch you get killed." was Hilarious!!!!!

Keep writing...I love your stuff! PS. im also 15!

Posted 14 Years Ago


simple and well done. bit too much showing rather than telling in your description. would like it to be a bit longer as well, since you don't have time to develop them enough. that aside, it's a strong piece.
good work man.

Posted 16 Years Ago


Great story! I really liked the way you described Greg and Cheri, especially the lad. I could actually picture them, especially him. It takes fine writing to describe a place or, person and actually having the reader clearly see what you're 'saying'

When it came to VW coming on the scene - which was quite terrifying the way you've put it, but, it might have helped to have shorter sentences to build up the speed of what was going to happen.

You are going to create some great stories and books and all else. Thank you for allowing me to share at the birth!

Posted 16 Years Ago


I liked it, you could add in some more details, but all in all, its a good story!

Posted 16 Years Ago


Awwhhh. I loved this it was soo good. I espiecally liked the ending so sweet!!

Posted 16 Years Ago



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Added on July 18, 2008
Last Updated on July 30, 2008

Author

D.S.C. Young Writer 15 Years Old
D.S.C. Young Writer 15 Years Old

Manchester, United Kingdom



About
I'm 15 years old and founder of the Young British Authors Society (www.ybasoc.com OR www.myspace.com/youngbritishauthorsociety) the Y.B.A.S. is available to everyone. I go .. more..

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