Cackles Shark My Throat

There's really no describing this one. It's a vilanelle that I wrote. I used sharks in the work, because my daughter loves sharks.

Singing, ice grinds to shards. My father's boat

rides to whale each summer. In our teapot,

a vile wind steeps. Cackles shark my throat

through a cup of fingers to mother's note.

Four voices rise from two -- melody, not

singing. Ice grinds to shards: my father's boat

challenges spring's glaciers. His eyes, remote,

remember sons lost at sea. In that spot

a vile wind steeps. Cackles shark my throat

as I find mother's cry, and voice by rote

her almost-sigh to a fourth husband not

singing. Ice grinds to shards my fathers. Boat

people find the sea under ice and note

fishes still dance for folk. Above the lot,

a vile wind steeps. Cackles shark my throat

as icy waves hurling spray rise -- they smote

the village. Mother's gone. I'm all I've got.

Singing ice grinds to shards my father's boat.

A vile wind steeps: cackles shark my throat. 

Reviews

[Jeremia]

I love how you changed up the punctuation in certain areas to work with the meaning. I also like how each stanza is continued. You never threw a period at the end of the stanza till the very last. Nice flow.

[SpitfireGrrrl]

You know, I read this twice yesterday. I was trying to figure out what precisely I wanted to say about it. I like it. But more than that. Then I read it again today. I still like it - but.. I don't know - it's like the beginning to an epic - even though the story clearly ends. I wanted more. The flow is awesome, the imagery from the wording is awesome. I never thought I'd have the words "Cackles shark my throat" stuck in my head - but I have. Excellent job :)

[Cherrie Palmer]

this is has a smooth flow and powerful images, I loved it