I blew it

I know I blew it, I'll never have a chance at anything healthy

I don't know if it's that I don't deserve it, or if somebody cursed me

Maybe it's that I'm some sort of poison, and that's why nobody stays

I drain them so deeply in such intimate and inhumane ways

All alone, nobody stares, nobody cares, I'm transparent

But under a spotlight all my flaws become apparent

Subtly hinting at my suicidal subcurrent 

Kick me to the curb and close the curtain

It's just another tired day of a lonely defeat

Working at a job I couldn't hate more and sitting on the street

Star gazing, starting to wonder did my soul mate forget about me

I miss the days when I used to be so carefree

There wasn't a wrong thing to say, or did I just not realize

Everytime the memories come back a new piece of me dies

Where did the time go, how did I end up here

In the worst position, in the worst way, just playing to my fear

Anxiety is an old friend I made when we were enemies

Laughing at the times passed by making memories

August second in a hotel room with who I thought I loved

But little did I know I was unloved by my dearly beloved 

Love, love, lonely little lie is that word love

And the reality of the word is like a gun hiding behind a boxing glove

It's dangerous but you don't realize how much until you're bleeding

On my knees, hands on chest gently pleading

I know I blew it, I'll never have a chance at anything healthy

I don't know if it's that I don't deserve it, or if somebody cursed me

Maybe it's that I'm some sort of poison, and that's why nobody stays

I drain them so deeply in such intimate and inhumane ways