Your Bikini

Another melodramatic love poem, guys. I'm getting creative

I bet you feel so pretty

Decorated in your bikini

Swimming in my gaze

In my desire, in my haze

I can't think so straight

Knowing your wearing bait

To get me looking your way

And my eyes can't look away

So pale and pretty

You don't belong in the city

But a scene of nature

To be taken care of for sure

Because you're too pure

For this world, this town

This place will make you frown

Rot you from the inside out

And it'll teach you to doubt

But you're a darling flower

Teasing me after your shower

Let's run away togetether

Find somewhere that's better

I bet you feel so pretty

Decorated in your bikini

Swimming in my gaze

In my desire, and in my haze

Reviews

[Peach]

There's this twinge of fear I feel when reading this. What would this onlooker be capable of?
Our bikini wearing maiden is made to sound like a siren, luring and tempting others to come forth. But I wonder if that is her intention? Since there is this innocence so desperate to be preserved by the narrator.
"You don't belong in the city...This place will make you frown"
As Relic mentioned..."Putting them on a pedestal is a mistake." Not only that but it's also dangerous. Interesting to be in the mind of someone else. I wonder if you'd narrate from her perspective as well?

[David-Tyler]

Well it's narrated from my perspective, and I'm not capable of doing anything but making awful jokes. Nonetheless, I'm not for sure what goes on in her head, and I don't want to (it would ruin the fun).

Thanks for the advice, and review. It was very nice of you to stop by. :)

[Peach]

Look forward to reading more.

[David-Tyler]

Same to you

[Relic]

Been there, done that, as they say. Chances are, other guys are looking and melting the same way. Always remember to think with your head and not your groin. And don't obsess either. I lost many a potential date doing that. Putting them on a pedestal is a mistake.

Nice writing.

[David-Tyler]

Thanks for the advice! My fiance and I are just coming out of a rough patch now, and learned my lessons. I write it all out of my system, so I don't go blowing it all like I almost did. I definitely appreciate the reviews today.

Hope you enjoyed. It was very nice to hear from you twice :)

[Relic]

You're welcome.