The Battle of Prayer

After hearing news of a friend's attempted suicide, a man is shown an ethereal battle between forces that are beyond the reach of our comprehension.

We all sat and listened as the man wept for his wife, all of us silent loathing every uttered word. Over the last few years this group had become so close, hearing his story cut through to the pits of our stomach. All of us in disbelief that the smiling visage we saw in her was a simple facade hiding a pain deeper than most could understand. For me, it was an all too familiar story.

“I found her on the bathroom floor with a knife in her hand, crying… I, I didn’t know what to think. The knife was against her wrist and she was screaming at me,” Jason explained. Before us was a man defeated by life, uncertain of what was to come. “I grabbed her hand and took the knife away but she had already done it… I hug her... I called 911,” his face pale except for his bloodshot eyes, his lips trembling with every word. “They didn’t let me see her in the hospital the first day, they told me she lost a lot of blood.”  

As I heard him speak I could only think of my wife who stood across from me, how would I be able to live without her? What would I do in that situation?  How would my children fare after seeing their mother being hauled away to a hospital? What if they never got to see her again? ..What if I never got to see her again?

My thoughts were interrupted when Jason uttered her name “Melanie.” His head hung low as he rested his forehead on his hands. Her name reminded me that it was not about me or my wife, it was about Melanie. She had become like a sister to me, she was an aunt to my children, what was she going through? I could not fathom the fear that had overcome her or why.

I looked around the room, everyone with their heads towards the floor, no one was making eye contact unable to bear the fear of Melanie’s future, that is until I saw my wife. She stared straight at me, unwavering.

“She is in the hospital now, but the doctor said that she is going to be baker acted, I don’t know when I will see her again, I don’t know what to do to help…” Jason’s words filled the room for a moment, but the now all too familiar silence was overwhelming. My wife's eyes widened as if to tell me to say something. I managed to squeak out the words “Let's pray,” not one person lifted their head, my wife, still speaking to me through her gaze, with some hesitation said, “I’ll start.”  She bowed her head and began to pray. I was still looking around the room, still overtaken by the news presented to us. All eyes closed, heads bowed in reverence, Jason silently weeping.

My thoughts were unclear jumping from Melanie’s fate to what if situations about my wife. I found myself looking at the floor ignoring the prayer my wife uttered. What can I do to help? I thought. Nothing, nothing I did would change the damage done to the family. “Being there” would change nothing. There was nothing any of us could do, we were powerless.

“Close your eyes.”

I felt as if someone had spoken to me. I did not hear the words, I felt the words within me “close your eyes.” It was not within my mind but it emanated from deep inside me. I sat there looking at the floor experiencing a moment of relief from the grief after hearing those words. Again I heard “close your eyes.” It was as clear as an audible voice yet no sound. It was more than a feeling, even though it came from within me I was not its origin.

Confused and in disbelief of what was occurring I closed my eyes. I saw nothing but darkness, not the darkness you see when you close your eyes, but the darkness you see in a dark room, It felt deep and with substance. Within the darkness I felt a faint source of light, I could not see it at first for there was nothing to illuminate, but I could feel its warmth against my skin.

“Look up.”

The inaudible voice commanded me once again. Not knowing what to do I continued to follow its instruction. With my eyes closed I moved my head up as if to look straight across from me. I saw it, it had a human form but it was not human. I was upside down as if coming out of an unseen ceiling, it was large but my mind could not comprehend its size, I could clearly see its head but the lower portion of the body had no discernible end. Its arms were muscular and long, they came to an end on hands that were rough and calloused, as if belonging to someone who spent their life working in a field. The arms were opened wide almost surrounding the group, the hands hung gently open. There was a metal chain that wrapped twice around the waist then crossed the body twice like a sash, it continued loosely around the right arm. The chain ended in a sharp hook and floated like a snake about to attack. The left hand was wrap in a gauntlet with each finger sharpened to a point. The being was cloaked in a hooded robe, the color of which was one that I had never seen before, it was transparent yet still opaque. From its vestments there was a radiating light that illuminated the nothingness that surrounded me. The sleeves were rolled to the beings elbows and were held back by muscular forearms. The skin that was visible, its arms, face, and part of the chest, looked rough to touch and covered in healed scars. The face had no hair and I could see two sets of eyes, one facing forward and one at its side, the eyes themselves were the color of a translucent fire with no discernable pupils. The hood had slits through which the being could see out of. The face had no mouth and no nose, its chin was strong and square.  

I was aghast at what I saw, I could feel its presence, the warmth of its radiance on my skin. What hallucination was I experiencing, could it be that my grief caused this? No. At that moment I was at peace, my feelings of despair gone in the presence of this thing. I began to hear crying amongst the utterance of prayer. The crying was coming from my side where Jason sat. I did not dare open my eyes and look away from the being. But the distraught nature of his tears brought a sense of reality to the situation. I was still in the same room surrounded by my prayer group, my body tethered to the reality of my physical surroundings, yet my mind was in a place that I could not discern, not here, nor elsewhere.

“Look.”

I heard the inaudible voice once again and with my eyes closed I looked around the emptiness of the darkness.  And there, in the middle of what was the room, I saw an emaciated arm stretch from the ground, soon after a second arm arose. The arms braced themselves on the floor and pulled up from the ground another being. It moved slowly, weakly, I could see how it struggled to pull itself up from the ground, the arms shaking with the burden of its body. Once it reached its waist it stopped and rested on the ground. Defeated, the thing laid on the ground for a few moments. This thing had no clothing on, its bare skin was filled with unhealed burns and weeping sores. Its appearance was similar to the one that stood but it was smaller and weaker. The muscles were atrophied to an extent where bones were visible. The cadaverous body exhibited a large ribcage and a bony spine. Its eyes were empty, robbed of life, the face had the similar bony chin lacking a nose and mouth.

Seeing this... This thing, brought fear into my very soul. I could feel my body begin to shake in its presence. The darkness which surrounded me somehow grew darker. I could physically feel the grief and fear I had felt a few moments ago begin to crawl onto my body like an animal. Why was I afraid of it? This thing was already defeated, weak, unable to even move against it own weight. Yet, greater fear than I have ever experienced began to course through my bones. It was palpable as it moved from my feet up my veins like a spider moving towards its prey. I felt like I was being enveloped in a web, unable to escape, paralyzed with the venom that was my fear.

The grounded thing began to crawl weakly and slowly, contorting its body first towards me and then slightly passed me, shaking with every movement until it collapsed once again. I was unable to avert my gaze from the creature, I knew that if I could only stop looking at it, my fear would dissipate. But for some unknown reason, I could not do that which would lead to my salvation. The more I tried the more I was drawn into its filth, my flesh itself was craving for its death. As I sat there looking at the thing, the ethereal vision in which I had been immersed into began to grow dim, a veil began to cover my eyes and I could feel the hope drain from my body.

“God help me” I uttered within my mind.

The thing, after resting, began to lift itself up again. Shaking, it managed to get up to its elbows. My vision became clear again. I could see a purpose behind its empty eyes. It looked right at my side towards the source of the weeping, I could feel its contentment at that moment. My fear began to grow into anger. The things intent became clearer still, it perched itself up on its left arm. My veins, dispersed from the clutch of fear, grew cold. The thing began to stretch its right arm, and I could see within its mouthless face a smile, content with the task it had completed. Closer and closer the shaking arm came at my side and with its movement my courage grew more and more. I could feel the cold of its fingers as it came closer and all I could say was “no.”

To my surprise I did not think it, I yelled “NO,” short and firm, the sound reverberated in the physical room in which I sat. This “no” was a rebuke of the creatures life, the one word was a sentence for death. No one word or compilation of words could express the desire of disdain that I had towards this thing. My mind could not create a single sentence just the word “no.” The thing stopped its movement and turned its face above me. I again began to feel the warmth I had felt just moments ago. The darkness became light again and I saw an arm stretch out from above me and grab the creature by its arm and lift it into the air. I could feel the bones of the thing break from the jolt of its violent upheave. I saw them there, the defeated thing, the being with its open arms, and now the arm which came up from above me.

I looked up and saw another being standing above me, the same as the clothed one. This one held a shield in its left arm. The shield was long and came to a sharp point like that of a sword. The right arm stretched out holding the thing up from the ground. Its eyes were as the color of the cosmos, cold, unfeeling, yet full of life. With a motion that was too fast to comprehend the chain from the fire-eyed being moved and wrapped the thing in its entirety leaving only an opening in its chest. The cold-eyed being bent his left arm back pointing the shield towards the thing and with a powerful blow struck the pointed end of the shield in the middle of the opening.

The thing did not move at the blow given, but I could see that whatever life it had dissipated from its being. Its skin began to turn into something like wet sand falling from its body in clumps dispersing as they hit the ground. It was only then that I heard the crying stop.

Author's Note

Tell me what you think of the story. I would love to hear constructive criticism.

Reviews

[Hi]

This kept my interest throughout, but I had to work harder through the middle and end. I think that lends itself to the overall confusion in the piece though so I don't know if it should be changed. It has the tone of a prophetic book in the bible to me. The ending statement was good.

[David R Gonzalez]

Yes. I understand what you mean. I wrote this a while back and since then I have adapted my writing. I believe it gets confusing throughout the descriptions of the beings. descriptions like what I used here tend to force the reader into using their imagination. Whenever I write descriptions now I try to incorporate it into the actual story telling. it is more engaging in this way. Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it.

[Hi]

I should say confusing for the character; not necessarily bad composition. Imagination is good.

[neurostar burns]

My, I hope your critics are not literalists. You story was rich in allegory which well informed people should be able to detect,

[neurostar burns]

Really good play on allegories! Captivating and evincing emotions.

[Stan Lee]

That honestly wasn't what I was expecting the character to see when he looked up. Very imaginative and emotive writing. Strong conclusion too. Well done David.

[J.A. Blackwell]

I love this. I felt every emotion through your writing. Great job!

[David R Gonzalez]

Thank you I appreciate your comment.