A Humble Suggestion

I would actually classify this more as an essay -- inspired by Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal"

            In these dark times of our power-hungry country, I beg to hold a candle of enlightenment to our filament and ignite again the splendor of American ingenuity.

            I will begin by setting forth the problems I considered before I decided on this logical conclusion:

1)    America’s reliance on oil to fuel all forms of transportation is almost irreconcilable.  As the world’s oil supply decreases, and tensions between world powers increase, both become factors that increase the price of fuel in our country.  We turn to one feasible and similar alternative to oil: ethanol.

2)    In a constant search for more housing space, our society consumes more and more open land, much of which was once used for farming.  This lack of farmland causes three problems: first, we must now import food not produced on non-existent farms, using petroleum to transport it; second, there are no farms on which to grow corn to turn into ethanol; and third, with the lack of open farmland comes a lack of space to inter those who would prefer a terrestrial burial.

             After considering these issues for nigh on two hours, I hit upon a solution so revolutionary and so practical I am sure society cannot dismiss it as a mere fanciful dream, but embrace it as a grand application of American ingenuity.

            My solution, then, is this: when our loved ones pass away into the unknown beyond and leave their mortal husks behind, we should make use of the husks to solve our problems. Using the common practice of cremation (eliminating the need for cemetery ground) we can incinerate the dead and use the electricity harnessed from the heat reaction to power our vehicles and other machines. In this fashion, we will be able to be proud to say that our society (more than any group of historic pagans) runs on the power of our ancestors.

Author's Note

PLEASE KNOW THIS IS SATIRE -- please read the description at the top which refers to Jonathan Swift!

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

now that is one unique perspective .. "lets go pick up dead uncle joe ... his bulk is big enough to power a trip to the coast honey" ;} here is a quote from www.fsa.usda.gov/Internet/FSA_File/afida_thru_12312011.pdf
Foreign persons held an interest in 25.7 million acres of U.S. agricultural land as of December 31,
2011. This is 2.0 percent of all privately held agricultural land and 1 percent of all land in the
United States. These and other findings are based on an analysis of reports submitted in
compliance with the Agricultural Foreign Investment Disclosure Act of 1978.
i find it a little disturbing as i am sure the holding have grown ... and once the "breadbasket of the world" we do import all kinds of foods ... seems somehow as just not quite right, if you know what i mean. :(
E.

[DaughterNature]

Exactly my point! I am the product of an ag extension man and the daughter of a forester, so my environmental and social interests are informed broadly, and I don't think ag and nature's interests need to be mutually exclusive. Plus, cremation is common enough already and gaining in popularity ;)

[Einstein Noodle]

that's my going out route ;) and pre-paid to boot .. at my mother's funeral myself and my children (four of them) were down where the caskets and stuff are displayed, and i told them about my cremation plans,and asked what they thought about it ...as the conversation continued i showed them an urn that was in the shape of a mountain with different animals on the slopes; saying, "This is pretty cool! It has smaller urns shaped as the animals on the mountain. You could all have one for yourselves if you wanted; and still the big one could be interned or whatever" My older son has always had a quiet and dry sense of humor which he displayed as he quipped "I get a leg Dad!" ;)

[DaughterNature]

Ahaha, that's so sweet! My grandpa made a box for my dad's remains out of wood they had scrounged together.

[Einstein Noodle]

oh man! so sad your dad passed away before his own; but so beautifully poetic that your grandpa made the box for his son ... i think it is deeply touching ..

[DaughterNature]

(actually maternal grandfather) They had a very special relationship. Everyone was crushed, but all the things that have happened since have made me who I am, so maybe I can't complain?

[Einstein Noodle]

we do grow deeply through adversity ..and to do so with grace, without malice nor blaming, i say, is good, sound wisdom indeed.

[Nusquam Esse]

Couldn't help but twitch a bit when I read the ethanol line... I have been trying this for years, even going so far as to harvest fuel sources from the area; but do you have any idea how many corpses and people it takes to fuel just my laptop? Hah, this was good; a great juxtaposition of funerary techniques and social issues--cremation for power and reduction of land consumption. And the final snide remark about building our society on our ancestors was great. This isn't quite on the same level of Swift, but honestly... I don't think the world could handle another Swift.

[DaughterNature]

Hahaha, thanks! Perhaps not -- people's egos get in the way of progress and logic a lot these days. Even if my goal isn't to be exactly like him, is there anything you think I could do to improve the level of the satire here?

[Nusquam Esse]

The main power behind Swift's 'A Modest Proposal' is the way in which he supports the argument while convincingly maintaining the 'facade' of being the antithesis of what he truly was. He genuinely came across as a detached member of the gentry, and one who could rationalize the argument from a logical perspective. You do a good job juxtaposing the ideas, but you don't back them up in as thorough of an argument; furthermore, you don't keep up the illusion of the narrator like how Swift did. Ultimately it comes down to the level of elaboration and the consistency and viability of the narrator.

[DaughterNature]

Thanks! I will definitely take a fresh look at this piece -- haven't edited it for several years, and I first wrote it almost 10 years ago now, so I think it's time to knuckle down and make it better!

[Nusquam Esse]

Dang, you have been writing much longer than me!

[DaughterNature]

Lolz, no worries -- everyone begins when it feels "write" for them! (see what I did there?) I'm 24 1/2 right now, but I've been experimenting with writing since I was 13 and my 8th grade English teacher told me I was a bad writer while we were practicing for standardized tests (yes, practicing for those stupid "No Child Left Behind" tests). With the kind of personality I have, that assessment was not gonna fly, so I set out to prove her wrong. I hand-wrote (in a notebook that I carried everywhere with me) over 150 pages of a fantasy novel. By that time, I was entering high school and starting to read more mature material, more classic literature (that was the summer I read 1984, Fahrenheit 451, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, and several others). I realized that my 150+ novel sucked, so I threw it in the trash and started over with short stories and poems.

So, yeah, I talk a lot and write a lot, but I'm not that old or that experienced, so how long I've been writing doesn't matter as much as whether or not my pieces speak to my readers. Cheers!

[Honey-Bee]

Nice satire essay! I did laugh when I read the last paragraph! I do not know if you intended the reader to laugh but I laughed. I don't know seriously if I would want to be generating electric from my loved ones husks, nor do I want them running off of my husk. I am glad that it was satire and it sounds like you had fun with your imagination in creating this. I do like the idea of cremating and no cemeteries, as most imagine cemeteries to be creepy and haunted. Overall, your writing is good!

[DaughterNature]

Thank you! Of course, a laugh is always good! I do have to ask, though: why wouldn't you want to be the source of light or warmth for your loved ones? I'm glad you like my writing style, read more if you'd like! (I wrote this when I was 15)

[Honey-Bee]

To answer your question, I took it as the husk burning like fuel in our cars not a source of light and warmth.

[DaughterNature]

Well, I mean, if we took this idea to its farthest reaches, we could produce electricity from the process of burning. Electricity can fuel cars, but also powers my heater, my lamps, my computer, and my stove. Imagine if we could be that much a part of the lives of future generations!

[Honey-Bee]

Wow, Interesting!

[DaughterNature]

I wonder -- and I mean no disrespect by this -- do your religious views perhaps play a role in how you read and react to this piece and the ideas it presents?

[Honey-Bee]

No, I am not against cremation. I do feel it a little strange using husks as energy. Not an idea easily to get use to. I think others feel the same way or we would be using husks for energy.

[DaughterNature]

We burn goo-ed up dinosaurs to power our cars right now. Just sayin.' Dead bodies are dead bodies. I'm sure a dinosaur's mother would tell you so ;-)

[Honey-Bee]

I am very much aware that we burn dinosaur's. I hope your dreams come true dear!

[Mockingbird]

but this is brilliant! it's genius! : )

[DaughterNature]

thank you so much! are you familiar with the Swift piece, or just liking the idea of environmental consciousness?

[Mockingbird]

i'm not familiar with swift...i studied him in school a long time ago so i forgot...however, i agree about environmental consciousness and it's a serious topic. even though yours is satire, it totally makes sense. i really like your piece. it makes sense.

[Nims FallingDewdrops]

and to keep them with us...
Nice story...

[DaughterNature]

Thank you!

[David Scott]

Well, I read this as satire. Funny and some true isms...
This shows being rational is not always intelligent. Ha.

[DaughterNature]

Or is it? ;)