Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The last fairy tale happened forty-four years ago. Exactly. Sleeping Beauty, or Briar Rose, married Prince Charming XIII. But it may be best if I begin as close to the beginning as possible. Prepare for a royal recitation!

           The kingdom of Faragwaine sits on the edge of the eastern sea. Its borders include a rolling landscape filled with dark forests, bright fields of flowers, craggy mountains, fetid swamps, and even a small dusty desert. Faragwaine as we know it (more or less) has existed on this land for the last 350 years or so.

           309 years ago, the Emperor of Faragwaine (who was, as we now know, incredibly foolish) hired two tailors to make him the most wonderful suit of clothes the world had ever seen. I am not entirely confident as to the fame of our small but proud kingdom, however I anticipate that you are aware of our Emperor’s subsequent predicament. After said predicament, the Emperor hastily decided to change his title to “King” in order to quiet negative publicity. The wonderful suit of clothes, unfortunately, was not the only misfortune of our emperor turned King. After his first wife died he married another woman, a spiteful woman who hated the young princess, Snow White. Again, I will assume you know what happened to the princess as well.

           Snow White and Prince Charming II raised a son whom they taught to never judge a book by its cover, since Snow White had been helped so much by such unexpected friends. This son Prince Charming III, became enamored with a courtier’s daughter, a girl mistreated by her stepmother and stepsisters. The young princess, Cinderella, raised a daughter and a grandson with a new eye for material goods and fashions since she lacked these things in her own childhood. The grandson had a beastly disposition, and one dark and stormy night he had an unfortunate run-in with a crone.

           I say “unfortunate,” but I personally think it was for the benefit of the kingdom as a whole that Princess Belle recognized beauty is more than skin-deep. She and Prince Charming V (formerly The Beast) raised a daughter who fell in love with a frog (who was a prince). Princess Emma and the Frog Prince then had a grandson who loved music so much (and was not deterred by foreign women) that he married a beautiful mermaid. Sadly, Princess Ariel brought the golden years of Faragwaine to an end with her desire to keep the royal family pure �" after all, she and Prince Eric both came from royal families, not matter how different.

           Princess Ariel and Prince Eric knew that no one but a real princess would suffice for their son, Prince Charming VII, so they devised an ingenious test to find the right girl. After noticing a pea stashed under a pile of mattresses, the princess was deemed worthy, and she and her prince raised a large, healthy family. Four generations later, the self-centered nature of the royal family had not abated, and Prince Charming XI snatched a gorgeous peasant girl to be his bride. This young lady did not have an easy life, however, because she was forced to associate with a shady man named Rumplestiltskin in order to live up to her betrothed’s expectations. Despite her seedy beginnings, the princess managed to raise her son to be a kind and caring soul. Prince Charming XII grew to be so kind that he rescued a maiden with long flowing hair from captivity in a tower in the forest.

           It is difficult to believe that this act of kindness could spell doom for the fair kingdom of Faragwaine. Rapunzel’s hatred for the witch who had imprisoned her planted a seed that would not soon be forgotten. All too soon, tragedy struck when another witch cursed Rapunzel’s newborn daughter, Briar Rose. Rapunzel became a nervous wreck, and after her own run-in with dark magic, Briar Rose (or Sleeping Beauty) and Prince Charming XIII vowed to cleanse Faragwaine of all magic.

           So began the Magic Scour. No stone was left unturned as royal guards combed the kingdom in search of magical items and beings. All were destroyed. No sentimentality or curiosity remained in the royal family; they had no desire to preserve our magical heritage. A gloom settled over Faragwaine in those years. Our economy fell to pieces without elves to make shoes or leprechauns to produce golden coins. The royal family was forced to reign with an ever-tightening grip over Faragwaine to keep our kingdom together. New rulers have taken charge since then, but the iron fist of the royalty has not relinquished its hold. Four years ago, Father’s childhood friend Prince Charming XV married Princess Jacqueline, and now they hold sway over Faragwaine.

           With this rather sad history of our kingdom, I suppose I should not be so disappointed. After all, with no magic remaining in the land, my prospects for winning the leading role in a fairy tale were about zero. Not that the odds were in my favor anyway �" I’m the second of a baron’s five daughters. In other words, I am neither the classic princess nor the pauper who rises to power, and I am not the privileged first, last, or third born. Basically, I could dream about starring in a fairy tale all I wanted, but it was never going to happen.

         Once upon a time (or so I assume I should begin) I woke up, got out of bed, and slipped on my robe. I understand that this beginning lacks excitement, but you should be patient; my story must start somewhere, and the beginning is usually best. I pushed open the door of my bedroom and jumped at a tiny squeak of pain from near the floor. I shut the door quickly and further squeaking followed, accompanied by grunts, curses, and some scratching.

           I looked down to locate the source of the sound, only to find a hairless, worm-like thing wedged between the door and the floor. It wriggled quite madly. I assumed the worm-thing was the tail of some rodent, though I had never heard so foul-mouthed a rat before. I grabbed the tongs from the fireplace and pinched the worm-tail-thing with them, causing more cursing. I gingerly slid the worm-thing out from under the door and held it at arm’s length in front me. To my surprise, the worm-thing was in fact a tail, but it belonged to the strangest creature I had ever seen.

           Squirming in midair, my captive stretched about a foot long. It had creamy skin, delicate limbs, and sparse iridescent fur.  Whatever-it-was had very round, large thin ears and glared at me with giant, almond-shaped, golden-red eyes. “Let me go!” it shrieked.

           Stunned, I could only gape as it continued to twist frantically in the air. “What�"what are you?”

           “You are not very polite!” it squeaked.

           Annoyed, I said, “I didn’t ask you what you think I am, I asked you what you are!”

           In a show of stubbornness, the tiny creature crossed its arms and stuck out a long mauve tongue. Forgetting my normally shy nature in my frustration, I vigorously shook the fireplace tongs.

           “All right! All right!” my prisoner shrieked frantically as its head swung to and fro. “I am a fairy! A FAIRY!”

           I almost dropped the tongs in my surprise. “I thought fairies were extinct… And even if they’re not, aren’t they supposed to be cute little winged magical creatures, not ugly little bat-monkeys with tails?”

           It snorted with annoyance. “Sorry to disappoint you!” The fairy clearly felt insulted, and I started to regret my rash words.

           “I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I really am. You just startled me.  I’m usually much more composed.”

           “No… no…” my fairy mused, suddenly pensive as it dangled upside-down, its chin resting in its tiny hand. “You have genuine spirit, and that is difficult to find these days. After all, you admit you can see me. Haven’t they told you?”

           “Told me what?”

           “There is no such thing as magic anymore!”

“Wait…”

           “You are clearly hallucinating,” the fairy said with an unmistakably facetious leer.

           “Oh. You mean you’re amazed that I believed you so quickly.”

           “Absolutely,” the fairy nodded, still swaying where it hung in my tongs.

           “I suppose all I can say is that my life is exceedingly... conventional… so I’m ready to believe anything that promises to be exciting.”

           “Oh! How marvelous!” it squealed with delight, flapping its overly large ears.

           “Why?” I asked, feeling a bit perturbed that my fairy took such obvious pleasure in my troubles.

           “You have so much potential!” The fairy bounced in ecstasy, so much so, that when I set it gingerly down on the hearth, it performed a heathenish little hornpipe.

           I was unsure how to react to anything at this point, but it suddenly occurred to me that someone else might. If anyone, especially my mother, happened upon me talking to this strange little creature, they would have a fit. Especially my mother. I could imagine her just then, poking her head in through the open door and spying the grotesque fairy. She would shriek and tiptoe around the perimeter of my room to sink heavily onto my bed and raise a shaking hand to point faintly but with condemnation at my visitor. I cannot say which I dreaded more: a dramatic lecture from my mother, or the arrival of the royal guards to capture my fairy. I shut and locked the door quickly, then sank onto the hearthstone, amazed at the progress of my morning.

           “Potential?” I asked weakly.

           “Yes, yes, yes, but that is not important right now. We must introduce ourselves properly first. I am Alpinolo.”

           Amazing. That fairy standing before me was at least a forty years old, and I could read many more years in his face.

Alpinolo looked expectantly at me, his eyes twinkling. “Oh, I’m Brina, the second daughter of Baron Tamsin.” I curtsied quickly.

By now Alpinolo practically gleamed, his eyes bright and his entire body unable to be still. “Better and better!” he chattered to himself as he began pacing the length of the hearthstone.

Still incredibly confused, I had the presence of mind to remember the day had in fact begun, so I began dressing myself while the strange creature muttered away on my fireplace. Eventually, my curiosity overcame my confusion, so I briefly stuck my head out of the wardrobe to ask, “Excuse me, but would you please tell me why you’re in my bedroom?”

           “Of course!” Alpinolo stooped and sat cross-legged on the edge of the hearthstone, smoothing the short greenish pants on his thighs. “Quite simply, I need someone like you. I know far more about you than you think, possibly more than you know about yourself. And I know that you are the person I need. So here I am to get you!”

Author's Note

I'm serious about finishing this book and making it appealing to the YA audience -- please help me polish it!

Reviews

[lemon_zest]

I loved, loved the way you incorporated the known fairytales into a historical time line. It was beautifully executed. Kudos to you for that!

As for the story itself, I find the dialogue engaging. You managed to make the reader have a glimpse of Brina's character solely through dialogue and that is a noteworthy achievement. I am curious though - why alpinolo as the name of your fairy? Is there any cultural significance or was it just a random name you chose? Otherwise, well done! I look forward to read and review the rest of your chapters!

[DaughterNature]

Thanks, you don't think the timeline is too much? I was trying to figure out how many of them I could weave into a convincing history without sounding too 'Disney' cheesy or anything.

I'm glad you think Brina's dialogue tells you about her character - voicing is a sticky point for me, and I'm still improving her.

'Alpinolo' is an Italian boys' naming meaning 'old friend.' I like to play with name meanings with some characters to try to enhance relationships or action.

[lemon_zest]

The timeline sounds fine to me, but if you are worried about it being too Disney, you can try using Grimm's fairy tales to mix up the sequence. The list right now is emperors new clothes, Snow white, Cinderella, beauty and the beast, frog princess, little mermaid, princess and the pea, rumplestiltskin, Rapunzel, and sleeping beauty – which most of them are Disney classics. If you want to avoid cheesiness and mix a few other non-mainstream fairy tales to make your point across – try Grimm’s fairy tales. Actually, the grimm’s version is also more violent and morbid than disney’s version. It makes for an interesting read.
Otherwise, I have just one remark – In the beginning, Brina grabs the tongs because she is surprised and even scared of the creature in front of her. It is sort of puzzling that she accepts the fairy because alpinolo says that he is the fairy. You could embellish on the fairy like creature a bit more. Contrast her interpretation of what a fairy is to the creature a bit more. She seems like a fairly sensible person however I have a little bit of trouble for her character to readily accept him as a fairy especially when all magic has been scoured. To get him out of there , she refers to him as “my fairy” in her thoughts. So that basically means she accepted it, even though in the next chapter you have her be critical of his existence. There’s nothing wrong with the possessive note – I just wish you have her thoughts, stream of consciousness, more developed.

[DaughterNature]

Lol, FYI most of 'Disney's' tales are actually from Grimm or other folk collections - just very clean and un-horrific. I actually studied the Grimm's fairy tales and the Struevelpeter tales - I minored in German in college.

I completely agree with that. I need to make her sound more desperate for something interesting in her life - that's why she accepts him so easily.

[SweetNutmeg]

About one quarter of the way through the abbreviated history of the kingdom, I forgot I was reading. That is the highest goal of any storyteller, to be so vivid and fascinating as to transport the reader to another world. In addition, you are very funny.

A few tiny technical details:

All right! All right!” my prisoner shrieked... this should be one word, "Alright! Alright! my prisoner shrieked."

You a also use a lot of adverbs. According to most people, adverbs are a huge no-no. A fellow WritersCafe person pointed towards Smartedit. SmartEdit is free software that counts and locates adverbs, among other things.

I have no major structural problems and your storytelling skills are very good. My main response is Good job!

[DaughterNature]

Thank you! I'm glad you found the narration captivating. Thank you for the edit - I will definitely fix the spelling. Do you specifically find adverbs to be objectionable? Which ones? And why? I have done a lot of poetry writing, and I have learned that creating an image is done through powerful, descriptive word usage - if I want to create powerful images in my prose, are adverbs and adjectives not the way to do so? Just interested in your take on the idea (considering that a lot of greats, like J. R. R. Tolkien and J. K. Rowling, use highly descriptive prose).

[SweetNutmeg]

Well... adverbs... They are generally frowned upon as publishers don't like them. Some people are at war with adverbs and think all must be murdered. I am not of that school of thought, some adverbs can be helpful. But i find in my writing, they frequently water down powerful verbs and make statements less decisive. I run my own work through SmartEdit and consider each one. I end up eliminating about half of them.

I checked the first three pages of the handiest Harry Potter book and found three adverbs in three pages, which is a pretty low count. It makes more sense in her work as well, as it has a conversational air about it. Like yours. So i don't say Death to all adverbs! But you might want to consider each one carefully.

And how do you create powerful images without adverbs? Verbs and nouns are the answer. Nice, vivid, powerful verbs and nouns create wonderful images for the reader. To take J.K. Rowling as example again... "Torn pages were flying everywhere as the books grappled with each other, locked together in furious wrestling matches and snapping aggressively." She uses one adverb, the rest is all vivid and powerful nouns and verbs, with the help of a few adjectives.

"She would shriek and tiptoe around the perimeter of my room to sink heavily onto my bed and raise a shaking hand to point faintly but with condemnation at my visitor." Here you have two adverbs and LOTS of good verbs and nouns. I personally would nix "heavily" and debate "faintly."

Alright, sorry. I get excited about things. And of course I am just a lowly WC writer and like all the advice you get on here, take what you can use and leave the rest. I am no oracle.

I hope this has been helpful and not too lecture-y.

[DaughterNature]

Haha, no, thanks! That's about the same advice I've seen on a lot of forums: The rule is that adverbs are a no-go, but rules are made to be broken! Since this is still a first/second draft, it has a long way to go before I would consider it finished and ready to be published, so I'm sure some of the wording will be changed before then. But I definitely appreciate your candor and advice!