Morning

This poem was an exercise in quatrains, and inspired by a horrible day.

At ten years old I woke up slow

and, bleary-eyed, looked at the clock -

read 5:30 am - eyes closed,

but voices roused me for a walk.

 

Our relatives from far away

all gathered in our living room,

with faces drawn, staring at me -

so silent in the early gloom.

 

I don’t remember what I asked,

I don’t remember what was said.

All that’s left for me to know

the horrible truth: my daddy is dead.

 

My little sister roused as well

by voices family gave to grief.

But she received the painful news,

then fought, and screamed, and wouldn’t believe.

 

I stood in solemn silence, watched

them try, persuade her of facts,

while tears traced down their steaming paths -

I knew he could never come back.

Reviews

[Cory Barrett]

Its hard to create an opening sentence after reading this. Do I start with "I'm sorry"? Do I start with "well written"? Do i tell you that 5:30 am, is a brilliant way to present 5 syllables?

Do I not tell you any of it, because the truth speaks for itself?

[DaughterNature]

Aw, thank you! This was an assignment in college: we read a poem in quatrains about a kid falling in a well, and then had to write a poem in a similar style about a horrible day in our own lives. I've done a poem or two about this day, but it's pretty hard to find the right words. I'm glad you liked this :)

[Al R. Arce]

Gosh, I hope this was not based on real life! To lose a parent at such an early age is certainly a big blow. As far as the poem, not bad. Just keep writing and read a lot. Experiment and play with the words and images. Write outside your comfort zone. Write about things you would normally wouldn't write. When you reach a comfort level, challenge yourself again. This way you will keep the excitement of writing alive! Welcome to the tribe!

[DaughterNature]

Thank you for the warm welcome! Yes, unfortunately, this poem was an assignment in a creative writing class in college, and we had to base it off a real-life moment, so that's my life...

As you can see from my profile, I've been writing for quite a few years now and trying to experiment when I have the time. Check back to see more of my varied portfolio as I post -- so glad I finally found a quality online community!