Apathy

Darthalidae goes gloomy... a self-reflection text...

APATHY 

I am cold.

It has been long since dark.

A clock is ticking from afar. And with each tick, something is beating deep inside me as I see him suffer.

No. This is not the time to let go. I grind my teeth, hold everything back. As still as the dark water surrounding my feet.

It is still beating. It will never stop.

I should fight back. Against my emotions. Not a robot yet, I should be. This is my final test.

Watching him suffer. And do nothing. I try not to.

A drop of water off my eye. Could not defy the gravity. I hold it in my hands. It is the only proof that I am alive...

...along with heartbeats. I should not be left out. I should be like them and turn a blind eye against him, as his nails are pulled apart one by one. He faints. I will not faint, watching the slaughter.

I should not be left out.

He keeps suffering. I cannot do anything about it. Because if I do, he will not be the only one to understand that I am still a human. I do not want to suffer like him.

One last blow.

Onto his head, right above the face that will haunt me on and on.

The face I once loved. I love...

This is not the time to show affection. No affection towards anyone. After all, I am a robot – a freaky one. Just like everyone.

Everyone.

It has been long since dark. I do not like it, but I have to pretend – just like what I have been doing for a year. Thought my emotions would go forever when I chose to be a robot, and I was doing good.

And look at me now. Crying after someone who did not choose to be a robot. Someone filthy. Lower-class. We robots should condemn him!

Instead of crying after him...

His eyes focus into my blinded eyes, he can see through me if I do not pull the rags of darkness off my face. He cannot see through me. But I can see through him...

Emptiness.

He hates me for what he was brought here for. Mere suffering. No love, but hatred and disgust.

I know What I will do in my cell. As his scornful face haunts me, I will cut myself again and again. I will scream, but nobody will hear me. Right under the flickering light, before it goes off, implying me to sleep. Then I will sleep as if nothing had happened, in mere darkness.

Mere darkness. How it will end.

Apathy...

That is what is there to swallow me...

Listening to: Pokol - Ordog