Broken Order

Fan Fiction: Dragon Age, for Bioware's Creative Writing Challenge.

Broken Order

  Davian Albren entered the village of Lothering at the peak of the mid-day sun. He had been traveling for days from Lake Calenhad at the behest of his Templar commanders back at the Circle. He felt fortunate that, despite the roads being known to be unsafe since King Cailin pulled patrols to reinforce his army, he had no incidents to speak of. His astonishment at the sight of Lothering, however, was no small matter.

  The village was filled to the brim with refugees, farmers, soldiers and Chasind alike all pouring out over the village. People were spilling from the doorways at the inn and chantry alike, leaving people to fend for themselves in chaos-drenched roads.

  Davian ran his gauntlet-enclosed hands through his silver hair. Though he was no older than his twenties, his hair and scar upon his lip gave others the impression of someone older and more jaded. His fit physique, especially when donning his order's armor, was a sizable contributor to that impression.

  Finding another templar alongside the road, looking as though he was standing guard, Davian waved to him. "Hail brother, what has happened?" Davian asked of the fellow templar.

  The other templar gave Davian a puzzled look. "You haven't heard, brother? King Cailin has been slain, his army slaughtered at the ruins of Ostagar. Rumor has it that the Gray Wardens conspired against and betrayed the King."

  Davian's demeanor became more worrisome. "So these people, they are fleeing from the darkspawn?" Davian asked.

  The other templar nodded, "Correct. Word has it that the beasts are marching north from Ostagar, leaving Lothering directly in their path. We're trying to get people out of Lothering while keeping the village secure."

  Davian nodded. "My thanks, brother. Stay safe, and may the Maker watch over you." Davian said as he moved past the templar and into the village.

  Making his way to the chantry, Davian's path was filled with people who stepped out of his way, recognizing his armor as that of a templar. Others with nothing but the rugged clothing on their backs fell to their knees, begging him for anything he could offer. It made Davian lament the fact that he carried nothing but supplies he required for his mission.

  Upon entering the chantry, Davian saw that the scene inside was little better than outside. Refugees filled any open space, barely leaving room enough to walk. The sisters of the chantry tried to tend to the people as much as they could, but for every one person helped, another thirty waited.

  A templar stood in the midst of the crowd, speaking with the Revered Mother. As Davian slowly made his way towards them, a fellow templar stopped him. "Hold please. Ser Bryant is trying to coordinate evacuation and defense of the caravans, may I inquire what your business is?" The templar asked.

  Davian nodded. "I am Ser Albren. I come from Lake Calenhad at the behest of Knight-Commander Greagoir to track down an apostate thought to have come to Lothering. I need to speak with whomever is in command here to see if they know where I might find them." He answered.

  The expression on the templar instantly changed. "I will bring this to Ser Bryant's attention at once. Please, wait here for a moment while I inform him." The templar said as he moved back towards the other templar and the Revered Mother.

  Davian stood his place, closing his eyes a moment while he absorbed the sounds around him. In a way, the scenario drew him back to when he was but a child. It was a time that ultimately defined him though, leading him onto the road he walked to this day.

~

  "Come on Davian! What, are you afraid of the woods?" Timond, one of his brothers, teased. They had slipped out from their family's farm and went into the woods, to 'explore' Timond had explained. Their mother and father had been busy talking to a strange man in armor, giving the children time to slip out unnoticed.

  Davian only could shake his head, "Nuh-uh!" he said loudly as he stood just inside the forest. His brothers, Timond and Kaleth, were a ways ahead of him. Davian was normally the most reserved of the three, usually leading him to be the one who took fewer chances than other of his two siblings.

  Eventually the three brothers came to a small grove. Once Davian caught up, he noticed that both Timond and Kaleth were standing their ground as they watched something inside the grove.

  In the center of the grove, a lone figure stood crouched, a robe encompassing his body. Timond moved his foot, accidentally snapping a twig on the ground and catching the attention of the figure. The man turned towards the children, revealing the horrors of his body. His entire upper body was deformed in a horrific way that no man ever should be.

  Kaleth screamed before turning around and running, both Davian and Timond following in his footsteps. Behind them, the abomination lumbered after them. The three brothers each screamed as the creature followed them.

  They made it to the forest's edge when their parents appeared. "Children! What is-" Their father called to them as soon as they saw them, his voice trailing off as he saw the abomination chasing them.

  "Children! Hide!" Their father commanded, leaving Davian to hide behind a large boulder while Kaleth and Timond hid behind a log nearby. Their father drew a knife he kept at the small of his back. "Stop right there!" Their father yelled at the creature.

  Davian slinked down behind the rock, not wanting to watch what came next. He heard a sudden roar of anger one instant, followed by a sudden burst of flame that encompassed the area. The sudden heat forced the air from Davian's lunges, leaving him gasping for breath.

  Looking around the boulder, Davian saw only charred landscape and burned wood. Of his mother, father or brothers, there was no sign. In the center of the devastation, only the creature remained, watching Davian.

  Davian slinked away from the rock, crawling on his back as he tried to get away from the monster. The abomination lumbered up to stand over Davian, looking down on the child. Before the creature could do anything, however, a form of metal and steel crashed into the beast.

  Davian was startled from panic as he watched the armored man from the farm tackle the creature. The man put some distance between the abomination so as to draw his sword from his sheathe. The beast got onto its twisted feet as it reeled its arms back, a sphere of fire gathering in its hands.

  The man raised his shield, seemingly unfazed as the ball of fire was thrown by the creature and crashed into the sheat of metal. Without pause, the man lowered his shield and charged at the beast, running it through with his sword.

  As the creature fell to the ground, the man sheathed his sword and placed his shield upon his back. Looking to Davian, the man kept his eyes fixed on the child. "You there, are you hurt?"

  Davian shook his head as he finally got to his feet in shock. Looking around the forest, he saw no one else in the woods. Only, ahead of him, did he see a lone dagger, laying amongst a pile of ashes.

  Davian walked over and grabbed the dagger, recognizing it as the one that his father kept. The man came over to Davian and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, but your parents are no longer." The man said. To Davian, the realization that came from the man's words did not break him down and further than what he saw already had.

  Minutes passed in silence until the man finally knelt down onto the ground, his eyes closed. "Draw your last breath, my friends. Cross the Veil and the Fade and all the stars in the sky. Rest at the Maker's right hand, and be forgiven." He said in prayer.

  When the man stood, Davian watched him. "Trials 1:16, from the Chant of Light." The man said. "Come, I'll take you to the chantry. The brothers and sisters there can look after you." The man finished.

~

  "Ser Albren?" A voice called. Davian opened his eyes to see Ser Bryant standing before him. "Ser Thomas tells me that you come seeking an aspostate."

  Davian bowed slightly. "Yes, one who escaped from the Circle at Lake Calenhad. She's an Elf woman, by the name of Syrene. She stands just a head shorter than I, shoulder length auburn hair, and has a tattoo across the left side of her hairline." Davian described.

  Bryant seemed to mull over the description. "I recall seeing a refugee by that description, out near the prisoner cages. Do you require aid in confronting her?" Bryant asked.

  Davian shook his head. "I appreciate the offer, Ser, but I do not require it. Your men would be better used trying to keep order here."

  Bryant nodded. "Be safe then, Ser Albren. May the Maker watch over you." He said, the two templars bowing at each other before Davian turned around and left the chantry.

  As soon as Davian left the building, he followed the road out to the cages so as to find the apostate he sought. He had done these hunts before, finding rogue mages and maleficar who had fled the Circle and bringing them to justice.

  Before long, Davian came to a row of refugees who sat against a wooden fence leading out of the village. Finally he came upon her, just as his description declared. An Elf woman, shoulder length auburn hair and hairline tattoo to match.

  Davian walked up to her, his plated hand on his sword's hilt. "Syrene." He said, stating the name as fact, not a question. The young woman looked up at Davian with piercing green eyes, a sense of resignation on her face.

  "You've come to take me back..." She said, looking over at the staff at her side, hidden under her pack and bedroll.

  Davian nodded, "You are to either return to the Circle with me, or I shall be forced to deal with you here and now." He declared.

  Syrene hung her head low as she sighed. "Either be made tranquil or die..." She said under her breath before looking back at Davian. "Then I surrender myself to you, templar. I have no wish for any bloodshed, nor do I wish to die here." She said.

  Davian nodded, motioning for her to stand at turn around. Upon her doing so, he bound her hands behind her back before he took her staff from the ground. "Then let us be off, lest the darkspawn come upon us." He said.

  Without another word, Davian and Syrene left Lothering behind, following the Imperial Highway northward.

~

  Later that night, Davian and Syrene sat around the roadside campfire that he had built. Syrene had been silent most of the day, only rarely asking anything of him such as his name. Instead, she simply maintained her saddened countenance, resigning herself to her fate.

  In a way, it made Davian feel conflicted. He had fought apostates and maleficar before, each of them eager to strike him down. Syrene was the first one who had ever surrendered to him, resigning herself to the likely fate of being made tranquil back at the Circle.

  While he had been raised around tranquil and understood that they were absolutely no threat to anyone, the thought of having ones entire personality stripped from them unsettled him. It made him think that, in the end, while Syrene would likely live on, she'd also die in a manner of speaking.

  Observations such as those had made him draw some unsavory attention from his superiors. How dangerous would she let herself become?

  "Tell me, why do you do this?" She asked him, almost like she was reading his mind.

  Davian looked at her for a moment before answering. "I do my duty because I have seen the dangers that apostates pose to the world at large." After his reply, silence crept back over the camp.

  Unable to take the newly rediscovered silence anymore, he voiced questions of his own. "I'm curious...why did you run from the Circle?" He asked.

  Syrene looked at him for a second before a smile crept on her face. "Freedom. At the Circle, we are never free to be people, instead we're always treated like a weapon waiting to be unleashed."

  Davian was curious. "Except, if you're made tranquil, you won't appreciate that freedom again. Why not fight for it?"

  The smile on Syrene's face remained. "I wanted this freedom like nothing else, but I refuse to bring harm to others for my own decision. Besides, even if I get made tranquil, I will at least know that I cherished this freedom. I'll also not worry about being treated any different than anyone else."

  Something in her words sunk in to Davian. While he wasn't in her place, he knew what it was like to be held prisoner, though he was held captive by his own fear of mages and maleficar from after he was orphaned. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't want blood on her hands for simply wanting to be as anyone else.

  Davian stood up, grabbing his father's knife that he had sheathed behind his back, under the armor. Walking behind Syrene, he took her wrists and cut the rope that bound them. "What are you doing?" She asked.

  When Davian came back around to face her, he looked her straight in the eyes. "I've seen monsters, I've fought them with this very sword of mine. You are not such a monster that you deserve this fate." He said.

  Walking over to Syrene's staff that he had taken, he grabbed it. "I'm taking this back to the Knight-Commander. You are to be pronounced dead and the pursuit ended." He announced.

  Syrene stood up, unsure of what to do, seemingly at a loss for words. She finally found her voice after a moment. "Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not faulter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just." She said.

  Davian felt a smile form at on his face. "Benedictions 4:10." He said, recognizing the verse. "You'd best get moving, better to have the cover of night at your back." He said.

  Without another word, Syrene backed away from the fire, bowing her head to Davian before turning around an walking away. Watching Syrene follow the road under the moonlight, it wasn't long before she left Davian's sight entirely.

  Taking comfort in that he felt like he made the right choice, Alec sat facing the fire, turning his father's dagger around in his hand. "Farewell Syrene, for I should hope we not meet again."

Author's Note

This was a short-story that I wrote for Bioware's Creative Writing Challenge. The contest was simple: write a story set in the universe of their game series called 'Dragon Age'. As a fan of the games, it was irresistible for me. The rules were simple: The story must be one based on the conflict between Mages and Templars and be no longer than 2,500 words.

Well, short version, I didn't win. Through the contest, however, I got a number of pointers from lead writer David Gaider. That is in addition to a large amount of self-criticism. With the contest over, I can now post my entry here.

I know the story isn't the most comprehensible for non-Dragon Age fans, so I'd say that if you want to know more about what is going on in this story, or the story makes the world seem interesting, you should check out the games. Failing that, check out the Dragon Age Wikia, which holds tons of lore about the game series.

http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Dragon_Age_Wiki

Reviews

[Aarontastic]

This is a good, solid story. It's about as good as such a short story can be, and it blows away 99% of fanfics that I've read in terms of quality.

I would have been hopelessly lost if I were a stranger to Dragon Age lore, but thankfully I've made fics about the game myself before XD I was able to follow along easily with what you wrote, and your rendition of a chantry soldier was perfect.

The dialogue and story were both flawless, and you did a good job with the action sequence in the flashback as well. The only thing I might've done differently would be to develop the character of Syrene more thoroughly, and make the adventure with her captor more in depth...that would obviously run past 2500 words, but it might be worth doing if you were to ever pick up the story again. The protagonist's back story is likeable and intriguing, so you could def. build on the character of Davian if you wanted.

Anyways, overall you did as great job; sorry you didn't win!

[Tai Ryens]

I'm sorry you didn't win, but at least you got some nice criticism from it. All points of the story are excellent, and though I'm nowhere close to the smartest to all topics Dragon Age-related, I do know a fair amount, so I comprehended an adequate amount of the story.
There were many interesting parts of the story, and I love the way you ended this. It was really an amazing short story, from start to finish.
Keep it up!