Battles Lost

Dark Age war poem

Upon the field o death you march,

first feeling fear as orders barked

With sword in hand, and stalwart heart

The battle... is the dying art.

 

"Let loose the dogs of war!" The cry

the want to go; to run, to hide

and never face the beast inside....

The hoard, the foe; the oncoming tide.

 

Then adrenalin pushing fear aside,

The anger, despair of those who've died

Fill you with rage, hate; homicide

All for a kingdoms petty pride?

 

The clash of sword, and shattered shield

and cries of warriors who could not yield

Deafens the ear across the field;

So sickeningly.... The enemy's blood is spilled.

 

The battle goes forever on...

Til someone yells "The day is won"

Hate once again replaced by fear....

for the loss of those you held so dear.

 

At last, the homeward march begun,

behind.... the dead, the setting sun....

into the night, sad song is sung

Of battles lost, and victories won.

Reviews

[Ravyne Hawke]

I do so love reading a great meter and rhyme poem, especially one that tells an ancinet tale. I read this aloud several times and the only place that gave me a slight hiccup was the word "sickeningly" I believe "sickening" could work just as well and not break the meter of that line. I love the story behind this.. no one likes war, but once on the battlefield, you do realize what you are fighting for, something I believe many a soldier struggles with even today. Great read, and re-read. Thank you!

[Relic]

This is excellent writing. The rhythm is consistent throughout and the storyline is superb with well-chosen words.

Great writing.

[James D Storrington]

Thank you so much, I'm really glad you liked it. It means a lot to me, as this has been a solid favorite of mine also! I know it sounds very cliched, But it truly seemed to write itself at the time. I was just sorry that it had to end as it did. Again, Many thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Kindest regards, ~ JDS

[Penny]

A good poem, wrapped up even better.. liked the 4th & last line a lot..

[DM2088]

'Dark age' war in full visual glory. I like the way your poem highlights the different emotional aspects experienced in a war. Nonetheless my view of war is encapsulated by Russell succinctly in a quote, "War does not determine who is right - only who is left."

[Cara Rosalie]

Thank you for your review :)

This is hauntingly lovely. You depict the brutality of battle very well.

[Esoteric Strand]

Fairly predictable all the way through. It’s almost like it wrote itself. There’s a nice bouncy, sing-song quality here that makes it very fun to read, especially aloud. It reminds me, in spots, of that scene from the animated Lord Of the Rings where Frodo and Samwise witness the Orcs singing, Where There’s a Whip, There’s A Way. I know, geek-alert. Haha

This poem would be more interesting if the images were either more subtle or the gore and carnage were ratcheted up. As it stands, it’s just straddling the line of an ok poem.

Regards,

E

[Angela]

Very vivid. Check sp on yield

Great piece, I love the metaphors you use in this. Using dogs and beast so close together create a great image in the mind.
Thanks for sharing this.

And ps, thanks for the review.