Cruel Love

A Story by darkrose4

I'd always love you. I said. I'll support you. I said I'll never let you go. I said. Now I don't understand what's happening around me.

Your smart. Funny. Talented and easy going. I'd got that from a lot of people. It was true. I was. At school my grades were always on check. With my friends I was always in good terms. Then came the stage I had to know about boys. The silly crushes to my first actual relationship. As it turns out I wasn't anxious as others would be. I did look overly confident. I was so at ease and that was perfect for the both of us. He didn't seem bothered.
Jen I really love you Mike would say. And I would smile so hard my cheeks would hurt. Before the end of the year we did manage to go for a trip with some friends. It was fun. I enjoyed it. But that night I realized something different in Mike.
Jen I'd like you to be like this and do this like so and so does. What was the issue with what I was?
He kept pushing me to be what he wanted but after being a fool for too long trying to please him with all the emotional abuse he ended itI still cried even though I knew I shouldn't.
Out of the frying pan and into the fire I had once heard. A year later I met someone else. This time I was determined to make things right. I sought of had everything under control. I made sure to always make him happy. I watched out for the signs carefully. Saying how this time I wouldn't let myself feel bullied. Again I found myself at his beck and call. Being his slave. I'd do as he pleased. I'd change myself for him. Besides I didn't want to lose him. Before I could realize it he'd cut his ties with me. Another sad ending. Another testimony of how I'd been used and how I shouldn't have allowed it. At night I'd cry at the dark corner. I couldn't bear seeing what the pain was doing to me in the light. I preferred if the demons saw it instead of my very own eyes. I was much healthier before. I was of average weight. Average body,the kind to die for. But during that time I'd lost interest in everything. Anorexia the foreign term became my best friend and from the healthy beauty that I was, I transformed into a skinny reflection of myself and all my dreams and aspirations. I loathed everyone. I loathed everything. Happiness became the most disgusting thing before my eyesight. I remember nights I was contemplating to be a serial killer. How I'd watch those who've hurt me suffer slowly and not feel a thing for them. I became a slow monster. Yet still vulnerable. The one who'd beg and fear for their worst.
The one who'd allow you in and tell you all the darkest secrets. The one who'd show you happiness but what she had was emptiness. I didn't know myself anymore. I was a mere shadow of what I was to be. I just became part of those who breathed instead of living.
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