All Love Lost

I wrote this in 12th grade

On an enchanted sea I sail

With a heavy heart, an empty shell.

No light to guide my way,

Like the wind, free to sway.

Open ocean dark and sour,

Embezzled jewels, wilted flower.

Thunderstorm in rainy moonlight,

Like a wounded bird, without flight.

Sounds in the dead of night,

Dim and spooky, haunted candlelight.

A dreamer's graceless dance,

A phantom shadow, fleeting romance.

A lover's heart in need,

A guilty conviction, useless plea.

One's greatest hope and desire,

Black and ash, burned with fire.

I hope the storm ceases very fast,

Maybe I'll have love at long last.

 

 

Reviews

[Jeff]

Masterfully written. Your visuals were outstanding.

[Klpindc12]

Wow. That was really good. Good job portraying the emotion in this. Review on of my storys please :)

[Dream Weaver]

I must say such a visual write.
I do believe I was captured by
its beauty, well done Cristal..

[Alan]

this is really nice. makes me feel warm

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I love the imagery of what I envisioned to be a conch shell floating on the ocean at the beginning, swaying to and fro on each rippling wave.

The line that really jumps off the screen to me is:

"A dreamer's graceless dance ..."

The image that this evokes is amazing. So few words, so much resonance.

Nicely penned!

Linda Marie Van Tassell

[Bubo]

I am unsure what age 12th grade is, but what images you give your reader of a lonliness and hurt that someone has, longing to be loved. You portray the depth of unhappiness many feel when struggling to stay hopeful.