The Dance

This poem won me the top spot in a poetry contest for a local newspaper. I won for the age group 13-17 year-olds and this poem was published on the front page of the paper.

Blue lines upon a white sheet,

As the pen and ink do their elegant dance.

Like the movement of tapping feet,

These two draw their audience into a trance.

They move together as one,

Gracefully gliding across the page.

And when their work is done,

There stands a lion emerging from his cage.

He looks at you with his eyes of gold,

Taking in everything that he sees.

He knows that there is a story to be told,

As the pen keeps on dancing like the communication of bees.

The feelings start to take shape and form,

As the writer reaches the end.

The movement of the hand becomes a fierce storm.

When you reach the bottom of the page you just turn it over,

and the dance begins again.

Reviews

[Art Sun]

This is nice...your poem tells of the poetic escape into imagination and or creativity...either way you have written a very nice work here...

enjoyed...

[Illeist]

This is fantastic. You've taken a process that I've more than once wanted to throttle and turned it into a something much, much more beautiful.

If I may add a bit of constructive critiscism, though... In line 12 ("as the pen... bees"), the phrase "communication of bees" interrupts both the rhythm and the tone. It's the poem's only five-syballic word (and "everything" is the only four), which makes it stick out, which can be fantastic and is a very developed tool to have in your literary inventory. Unfortunately, it doesn't mesh with the rest of your tone. It's a very plain word with very flowery alternatives; don't settle for the first word that comes to mind.

But to show such promise as a 13-17 year old is no small feat, and I very much hope that you're proud of the accomplishment. Congratulations, and happy writing!

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

That is beautiful Cristal , I understand why they choose to put it in front page , you tell the story of each writer , we never knows what the final will come it sometimes can be a lion , sometimes only a cat , but at the end of each page we write , there always is the next one , waiting to be written, just now. Thank you :) Yossi