Divine Trickery

Divine Trickery

A Poem by Satoshi IroTzu

Street lamp is glowing over the tree tops
branches dancing on the  light wind
forming a lively shadow on the concrete

A grandpa is caring his grandchild in his arms
carefully crossing the road
with her thumb in her mouth she is asleep
just as evening is turning cold, the night is beginning  to weep

A fast car picking up more on gas
yet not to be seen
the driver is cooked in own boiling anger
tears are rolling down his cheeks in streams
beer cans and empty vodka bottles on seats

Grandpa`s baby girl restlessly turning in his lap
 at the touch of winter, she is freezing
her tiny body pressing tightly against his chest
Grandpa is stunned with surprise of the speeding car
Turning his back in protection to save the gift from  God

His eyes holding the rage and
 despise, but it is  watering at the sight of his angel
curtains to fall, Grandpa`s having his last encore
life given and taken, he is completing this vicious cycle
A stranger behind the wheel
is the setting of the tragedy, carving  scars to this family
the driver sees the silhouettes then faces
pumping breaks, rain is falling
the car is dancing sideways,  the road is wet and slippery
off it goes into the storm
intervention through the divine trickery
a new dawn for creating future memories in this bond

© 2016 Satoshi IroTzu


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Featured Review

Critique: (Grandpa is shun with surprise) shun means "take pains to avoid" is that what you want to say? If it is then it is in the wrong tense so it should be "shunned" but shun doesn't sound like the right word so was Grandpa stunned? shocked?
(is setting of the tragedy) is the setting -- identifier word needed
(car is dancing sideways) the car -- identifier word needed
When you single something out you need to give it an identity such as man/car/tree/dog/flower so it is a/the man, a/the car, a/the tree, a/the dog, a/the flower depending on the tense of the sentence. (is setting of the tragedy) it isn't just any old setting it is THE SETTING and (car is dancing sideways) it is not just any car it is THE CAR

Review: I can't believe how fast you are picking up all the language tricks needed to write in the hardest language there is English. There are more rules in writing in English and more words with multiple meaning and spelling than any other and more slang words created every year than any other. So keep up the hard work. I see you have used statement lines very wisely in this poem they grab the readers attention at just the right points. The cinematic imagery is clear in your depiction and reading the reviews of others they like the style so well done my friend. Bravo! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Satoshi IroTzu

8 Years Ago

Respect, Papa-Bear

Much appreciated.



Reviews

Critique: (Grandpa is shun with surprise) shun means "take pains to avoid" is that what you want to say? If it is then it is in the wrong tense so it should be "shunned" but shun doesn't sound like the right word so was Grandpa stunned? shocked?
(is setting of the tragedy) is the setting -- identifier word needed
(car is dancing sideways) the car -- identifier word needed
When you single something out you need to give it an identity such as man/car/tree/dog/flower so it is a/the man, a/the car, a/the tree, a/the dog, a/the flower depending on the tense of the sentence. (is setting of the tragedy) it isn't just any old setting it is THE SETTING and (car is dancing sideways) it is not just any car it is THE CAR

Review: I can't believe how fast you are picking up all the language tricks needed to write in the hardest language there is English. There are more rules in writing in English and more words with multiple meaning and spelling than any other and more slang words created every year than any other. So keep up the hard work. I see you have used statement lines very wisely in this poem they grab the readers attention at just the right points. The cinematic imagery is clear in your depiction and reading the reviews of others they like the style so well done my friend. Bravo! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Satoshi IroTzu

8 Years Ago

Respect, Papa-Bear

Much appreciated.
Movie scene -esque very dramatic but beautifully told. Cleverly crafted. R xo

Posted 8 Years Ago


Satoshi IroTzu

8 Years Ago

Respect, Rach

Now you can tell friends what was the movie you last saw ;)
wow it's like I saw a movie in my head as I read this. Well done!

Posted 8 Years Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Satoshi IroTzu

8 Years Ago

Respect, Gullia.

I am glad to see you enjoyed reading it. I appreciate your comment.

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257 Views
3 Reviews
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Added on October 31, 2016
Last Updated on November 1, 2016

Author

Satoshi IroTzu
Satoshi IroTzu

Split, Splitsko-Dalmatinska Zupanija, Croatia



Writing