Russian Roulette with Destiny

I appreciate and cherish your correction and advice, Papa-Bear.

Whispers, intriguing whispers

Have shared with us a secret

At our very promised death

The most blissful music plays

Now all I have is my paper and pen
And my heart, mind and soul
So now I just have to know
When I write the perfect poem
Will God lift my soul?

Reviews

[Squeve2021]

I think you should definitely add more to it. You should add more details, make it more clear for the reader to understand the meaning. Of course, you don't want to make it too clear. Well, that's just a guess, anyways. The goal for most poets is to make the reader think, especially after they finish reading. I love your last line, "will God lift my soul?" It's a perfect way to end off a deep poem. The first stanza is a little disorganized, random. I feel like you should add another stanza in between the two. Make it a tad less confusing for the reader. Only a tad, though! Don't forget, the reader is reading your poem because they want to be made to think.

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect, Squeve2021

I appreciate your constructive comment. Do explain my first stanza, please. What makes it a little disorganized and random?

Also, give a read to my other poems please. I`d like to hear your opinion about them.
( for example "Never had a friend like ME", "The Curse", "Shibuya scramble crossing" )

[Squeve2021]

When I say disorganized I mean, first, you begin with whispers and secrets. Then, you continue onto a someone's death and music. I feel this is moving a little too quickly. Unless I am just not quite understanding it, and if that is the case please explain to me the meaning behind why the lines moves like they do.

I would love to read your other poems. I will check them out and review them.

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect, Squeve2021

I appreciate your time and investment. I am interested in your perception. I think you prefer a slow build up that leads to a climax.

Whispers had a secret which was that the most blissful music is heard as you die.
That is what is suppose to mean.

[Squeve2021]

I have a feeling you may be right.

As I continued to read the first stanza, I begun to understand what you meant. It really is a beautiful poem. Are you planning on adding more to it? I feel like you could add more to the whole thing, not the first stanza. Make it longer, with more about the music.

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect, Squeve2021

I appreciate your time you took to write the comment. I understand what you mean.

I do not plan to add more to it.

[Squeve2021]

I am glad we have come to a perfect understanding.

I'm just curious, is there a reason you do not plan to add more to it? I don't care either way, like I said, just curious.

I like to ask a lot of questions when it comes to someone else's pieces.

[Coyote Poetry]

Words come from the deep places in our mind and heart. I like the poem. Felt like a whisper and wish in your words. Thank you Satoshi for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect, Coyote Poetry

I appreciate your comment. I hope to see you enjoying more of my poems.

[Coyote Poetry]

I will return and read more tonight.

[Giulia King]

"when I write the perfect poem, will God lift my soul?" Love it

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect, Gullia

I am glad to see you enjoyed that line. I write for the soul then the eye ;)

[Giulia King]

Well said mr Satoshi :)