The Curse

Blue was her color that mornin`

I followed with my black right after my yawnin`

She put a tea on the stove

I was in our bed, hearken a steam in my soul

Then I buttered us two slices of bread

She sat

Face in her palms, wishin` to be dead

Me, a wordsmith in a silence

just a nurturer in a darkness

She wailed

her hug looser with every tear

through her shattering pain

askin` me and God unsolvable "why?"

You see, my dear friend

yesterday our month old daughter died

Reviews

[Bear]

Very powerful subject matter that should emotionally move everyone who reads it, well done. A couple of your sentences could be worded differently, starting with the first sentence "Blue was her color that morning" were you to replace the word "color" with the word "mood" it strengthens your intent "Blue was her mood that morning". Also "She put a tea on a stove" when you are at home do you put a tea on a stove or no the stove? "She put a tea on the stove". This really is a great poem you should try to find the right image to post with it, maybe not now that I think about it as it almost makes people cry so an image would just add to the effect and people would definitely cry :~) Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect, Papa-Bear

I enjoy and appreciate your comments as always.
I appreciate, and cherish, time you invested to give me a different angle and advice that benefits my writing.

[Tabby Mac]

Well.....this literally just tore my heart out. Well written. This subject being so tender, you have nailed it.
Words aren't good enough to explain how deep of write this is.
Tabby

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect Tabby Mac

I˙m glad to see you enjoyed reading it. I appreciate your comment.

[costa siwale]

Intense expression my friend, suspense until the very end, i like it. well written.

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect, Costa Siwale

I am glad to see you commenting one of my poems again.

I appreciate your informative comment.

[aLittlePain]

The last line...incredibly sad... grief, loss is a powerful thing. I love that you've used colours to describe the mood we certainly move in hues of blue often sometimes they are cold other times they can be inviting and warm. Beautiful piece. R xo

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect, aLittlePain

Your time and honesty in your commented is appreciated.

[aLittlePain]

You're welcome, please call me Ray or Rach':)

[Giulia King]

A bit confused about what this poem is about but the last line broke my heart. Beautiful!

[Manu]

Wow..it is a heart rending piece. I know that when we lose someone precious in our life....our life feels like a curse..why me..why this happened with us...it is something that we can all relate to..The way you put this tragedy with ease is really impressive.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful heartfelt write!!!

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect, Gorthi Manasvini

I appreciate your time and honesty in writing this informative comment. Comments like yours are precious to me. Every time I write something that people find worthy, be sure that people like you ( comments like yours) have contributed.

[Bala Gorthi]

What a touching and sad write! This "why" always springs up after tragedies and miseries. You made the sadness felt in those simple words. I hope this is just a poem and not a tragedy of anyone.
Losing own children really feels like curse. Your tittle and write rightly shows how people face their grief by sharing, lamenting and supporting each other..
A very well written craft....

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect, Bala

Your comment is adding the fuel to my burning desire to keep investing in my craft of writing.

Much appreciated is your time, honesty and informative comment.

[Bala Gorthi]

Thanks to the cafe. We read and review a lot and get to meet many writers...

[Satoshi IroTzu]

I agree. What we can do in return, besides making the website proud, is to add a little milk to keep our coffees lasting ;)

[Coyote Poetry]

A lost of a child. A curse memory you will hold forever. Sad emotions and thoughts led to very sad ending. Thank you Satoshi for sharing the powerful words and thoughts.
Coyote

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect, Coyote Poetry

I appreciate your time and honesty. The big idea behind this poem is to help the people who lost their child to carry on. Also, to invoke a strong, deep feeling in readers to help them exercise their compassion, or to help the readers to cry out their deepest, pent up awful or sad life experiences.

[Coyote Poetry]

You did. A powerful write.

[Satoshi IroTzu]

And that was my entire purpose.

Much, much appreciate Mr. Coyote Poetry.

read moreAnd that was my entire purpose.

Much, much appreciate Mr. Coyote Poetry.

Your honesty and recognition is my fuel.

[christina sherin]

If u've expressed it with some metaphor it would be nice.I love ur poem .Its great, creative .That's what I was commin to say.Very great piece of art.Really amazing:):)Keep writin more.I look forward to it.

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect Christina Sherin

I appreciate your honesty, but do not hold back to express yourself. You are not obliged to love everyone`s writing.

You could read "Tokyo, Japan". I think that might be your cup of tea.
Also "Everlasting Love", "Parents Love and Protection".

I hope to hear from you soon again.

[christina sherin]

SURE.read my poems too.I have did my best in my artwork.

[christina sherin]

great work u've done.I appreciate it.

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Respect, Christina Sherin

You didn`t have to remove your comment. I liked your previous comment far better because it was honest and genuine. You did nothing bad by being yourself. I did hope to read your answer about my questions in order for me to improve my writing.

[christina sherin]

it's okay:).I am just a beginer .i BETTER LEARN TO JUDGE MORE SKILLFULLY NEXT TIME.

[Satoshi IroTzu]

Ohhh, you mean you jumped to conclusion without fully understanding?
I am glad to see that you are a fast learner. You will get far in life.