Critique: In the second line you need to add a defining word before world as (because my world is torn) or (because this/the world is torn). The same thing goes with the sixth line (As I witness "a" rollercoaster of good and ill). On the next to last line (But not so often is "it") the defining word connects the two sentences, these are all simple fixes that don't translate very easy from another language, and grammar is hard even for many native English speaking people so don't be discouraged.
Review: Well titled, strong emotional depth for so few words, almost soul searching powerful. Well done my friend :~)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
As always, I appreciate your time and your honesty.
I also appreciate that you took even mor.. read moreAs always, I appreciate your time and your honesty.
I also appreciate that you took even more aside to correct me.
Your poem bears a powerful emotion (the feeling of having lost faith in humanity) and your poem has successfully connected with me. This shows that your poem has great strength but it feels a little empty. I wanted to know why you lost faith in humanity but your poem had already ended. If your poem bears a powerful emotion or message, one should explain how he/she received the emotion or message (Life experience, social media, friends, a loved one,etc.) and why should feel why you included it in your poem. For your poem may have connected to me, but for others it may lacked some depth but I have seen that you have talent so you should never stop writing. For the worlds needs writers like you and me.
Good job :D
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Reading your comment made me smile, and feel great.
I appreciate your honesty, insight and a.. read moreReading your comment made me smile, and feel great.
I appreciate your honesty, insight and advice.
Invest in craft of writing, and blossom into wealth .
Good luck ;)
9 Years Ago
Thank you and I cannot wait to see both you and my writing skills flourish into a flower of eternal .. read moreThank you and I cannot wait to see both you and my writing skills flourish into a flower of eternal godlike beauty :D
Critique: In the second line you need to add a defining word before world as (because my world is torn) or (because this/the world is torn). The same thing goes with the sixth line (As I witness "a" rollercoaster of good and ill). On the next to last line (But not so often is "it") the defining word connects the two sentences, these are all simple fixes that don't translate very easy from another language, and grammar is hard even for many native English speaking people so don't be discouraged.
Review: Well titled, strong emotional depth for so few words, almost soul searching powerful. Well done my friend :~)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
As always, I appreciate your time and your honesty.
I also appreciate that you took even mor.. read moreAs always, I appreciate your time and your honesty.
I also appreciate that you took even more aside to correct me.