Prologue

Something was different, Aldous could feel the hairs on his arms raise.  “Aldous, lets get this over with shall we?” Kevyn said in a frustrated tone as he walked ahead of Aldous to the churches gate.  The night was chillier than expected, fortunately for them they couldn't feel it penetrating the thin worn coats they carried. Cantrell church was centuries old, established by his ancestors to fight those that condoned the underworld. To those oblivious to the underworld occurrences surrounding the church were nothing but careless when it comes to be out after dawn. it was their job to keep unexpected mortals from entering the cemetery let alone the town after dusk.  Thats when the undercurrent of complete evil is unleashed from the underworld from the crept that holds the key to locking the evil forever. One problem though was they needed the key sorceress to lock it. Aldous and his clan have been following leads of her whereabouts for months but each time they came up empty handed and traded for another lead. 

“Kevyn, do you want to lead this mission or are you going to let us do our damn job?” Aldous said as he turned towards Naois his second in command to check the perimeter before kicking in the churches doors. “Don't Worry Galienne and I will keep the out perimeter in check while you all are inside,” Naois said as reading his mood without a doubt, as he looked at Galienne, who was standing just outside the gate.  Naois and Galienne were the most notorious underworld sibling hunters , that ever existed aside from the council. More than intimating enough for any low level underlings to bridge their mission today and a heck of a challenge to any high level demon. Aldous and Kevyn were both sons of  two leading undead families.  Even in the underworld his team wasn’t something to take lightly . 

Without a cue Kevyn dropped kicked the door of the church that offered sanctuary and refuge for his family business, but he hesitated in the doorway before he took another step.  Aldous placed his arm out to halt Kevyn from entering any further. With a quick glance to the left he noticed someone crouching in the shadows. As quickly as he could blink the shadow departed with a rush of wind. The smell of copper and decay brought him back to his senses. That could mean only one thing Baldric had already taken his fill and left others to pick up his mess. Aldous knew one thing  Baldric was searching for her, and he needed his strength to gain 

control of her with any means necessary; even if that meant draining a whole town of citizens before he could get there. Aldous had ran the Helvellyn for a month now in search of Baldric, but every time he gained a foot ahead of him Baldric’s trail would vanish. His muscles burned of fatigue, his mouth quenched of thirst unfulfilled, and for days he dreamed of her apple- honey suckle sweetness around him. She haunted his thoughts and dreams all too soon he would find her. 

Reviews

[Barbara Tennyson]

The plural of church is churches. The possessive form is church's.
A 'drop kick' is just that. You drop the object and kick it on the way down. I can't get a visual of K dropping the door and kicking it. Try 'kicked in'.
There are many unnecessary words: 'from entering' is better than 'from entering any further'. And here: 'notorious underworld sibling hunters , that ever existed aside from the council.' Are there MANY sibling hunters? Are Naois and Galienne hunting siblings? Try: 'The brothers Naois and Galienne..' if they are hunting some singleton. Also, omit the comma. Also, put the whole digression in a separate sentence.
This is a sentence fragment: More than intimating enough for any low level underlings to bridge their mission today and a heck of a challenge to any high level demon. Where's the verb?
The paragraph bread after 'gain' is unnecessary.
Omit the introduction data. Keep the readers' attention on the action, not the back story.

My suggestion is to realize that grammar and presentation should be good enough to be ignored and edit this before reposting.

[DarkIriswriter]

Thank you Barbara, i will have an edited copy sent out soon.

[David Jae]

An interesting story, although it is a little heavy on the exposition at the start. Plot points should be revealed through dialogue, as it adds more suspense. Still, I'm looking forward to see where this is going...