Very nicely done. You leave the reader questioning... which just means you pulled me in. Was it ever named? I like it... you should too.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
I think my issue is that it is unfinished, but at the same time that is the beauty of it. Thank you .. read moreI think my issue is that it is unfinished, but at the same time that is the beauty of it. Thank you for making me realize that :))
I like the font, and the style, but I see what you mean. It seems like two thought processes running together, and I think that is where you are stuck. Is it a woman who wants a brief No strings arrangement, or someone who wants something more but feels it will end anyway.
we left it as just friends ( If you would just omit the word " just " , it would flow much smoothler and better )
We left it as friends ...
like pieces falling into place ( or like puzzles falling into place )
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
I left the "Just" in it because some people seem to misunderstand what i was trying to get at but I .. read moreI left the "Just" in it because some people seem to misunderstand what i was trying to get at but I agree it flowed much better without it, I shall remove it once again. Also toyed with the use of the word puzzle and have several versions of this with it in there but for reasons i'm not remembering i went with this version. Thank you for reviewing it an giving me some pointers.
10 Years Ago
My pleasure Ms Darkgirl ... The final choice is yours . Its your piece ...
With all focused on our past and our future, the simplest, most important - and most untaught - is the frailty of the present. FEEL IT!! SHAKE IN IT!! DO YOU FEEL THAT? The slight breeze over your arms and legs, the subtle grinding of your teeth, your subconscious, ego, and id working feverishly to form a relate-able - maybe shareable thought? What can be more important than that? There will never EVER be another 'Now'! You can't plan it. You can't regret it. It's so f*****g fragile that, if left to ponder it, its already gone by. I quote you, "Don't Let It Pass!!" KUDOS I FELT THIS.
Hello, people of the page. My name is Melanie, my poems are dark and moody and any stories I write are dark and scary (at least i try for them to be). I have been writing this way for so long it just .. more..