My Inner World

The sky today

reflects me in a way

a conflict in this world of mine

where the sun may never shine

thunder acting as arguments and fights

inside of myself it constantly bites

the rain symbolizing my broken tears

for all of the wasted years

for the lies that you have shared

acting like you really cared

 

now you show your face again

saying it will never be the same

you truly love me

now finally you see

i will not leave you

it's impossible for me to move

then you realize and forget

with this love i acquit

the feelings i have kill me inside

slowly insanity builds and i try to hide

 

all alone in the world i created

the agony i despised and hated

creeping back in to make me think

of thoughts that make others heart sink

"just end the pain and the suffer,

if you don't it'll just get tougher."

in my house i try to suppress them

trying to kill thoughts of an unforgiven sin

i don't want to hurt anyone

i don't want to seem like a demon

 

i don't want to seem like i don't care or console

or appear to have no soul

for i must give you a glimpse

a taste of my world, a little pinch

i'm sorry if i am slow

but this is difficult to swallow

why did you wait?

why did you procrastinate?

all i wanted was to be trusted

but now that ship has sank and rus

i told you everything,

never missed one single thing

i told you i would always be here

told you had nothing to fear

i wish you would have gotten the clue

that i was never going to leave you

i'm sorry if i wasnt enough

being with me is rather tough

i'm clumsy and weak

sometimes i'm bleak

i say things i do not intend

and some people may not comprehend

why do you want to fight?

how in the world do you know you're right?

i'm not at all what i seem

sometimes i'm coldhearted and mean

sure i care a lot about others

like they were my sisters or brothers

there is a part

that really wants to start

 

i want to tell people off

i'm turning cold, no longer soft

i've been hurt too much

by the people i truly trust

they act like i can't get hurt

tease me and treat me like dirt

i can't stand it anymore

i want to settle this score

but there's also the other side

that i control, shape, and confide

it's an ongoing battle

makes my thoughts shake and rattle

the good side helps hide the pain in my eyes

but still can never win the bad in compromise

sometimes i feel

like im not even real

it's hard to forget and ignore

the 12 gauge shotgun by the door

but every time i stop

sitting up straight and prop

 

what would people do if i did this?

would they cry and be sad, saying its me that they miss?

what would they say?

in my mind thoughts replay

i'm worried and scared

that nobody truly cared

my mind goes blank and i blink

is that really how i think?

the thing that is sad

is i think i'm going mad

 

i've never had this much stress

my brain is nothing but a tangled mess

all i want is agony and pain to demolish

like what happens to paint with fingernail polish

i just wanted to say

that i'm sorry it had to be this way

i cannot do that to him

i can't let you win

no matter what i'll always love you

i'll always be he when you are blue

 

refrain how you truly feel

my heart you will not steal

i'm not the type to influence hurt

if i did that i would go berserk

just give up, capitulate

if you dont, your heart will end up in a ghastly state

the way i feel right now, in this time

makes me think i am committing a crime

so please make this easy, facile

slowly and silently its me you kill

 

doesnt the saying go,

forgive me if it does not flow,

"love is the slowest form of suicide"

so, for the sake of you, please abide

in my heart you will stay

my feelings for you at bay

i wont put myself through hurt anymore

i'm not going to corrupt my core

as i write this, my bloodshot eyes fill

overflowing with tears waiting to spill

 

God, all i know how to do is cry

i sit here and i feel like i cant even try

i feel like i do everything in spite

in my room sitting silently and write

how i feel about certain situations

the hurt, the lies, the suffocations

but i can do nothing but dream

things will never be how they seem

i know i am slowly dying

but i will not die without trying

i will make things better

i will make things safer

we will never look back

the past locked away in shadows and black

we will always remember the pain though

but in years time our friendship will grow

never again will we see this fate

of difficult problems, jealousy, and hate

memories never forgotten, never gone

only looking forward to the beginning of a new dawn...