My take on a love poem

You don't know what my emotions are

All I want from you is love

I know that my jorney will be far

It may be from above

 

I was wondering, will you help me?

Because I don't want to go in this alone

I don't know where it will be

Be st my side by the sound of my tone

 

Your the one I want to stay with

Help my through the pain

I don't care if its a myth

Hug and kiss me under the rain

 

I get this strong feeling

When I stare in your eyes which are blue

Do you know what I'm telling?

I'm telling you that I love you

 

Reviews

[Sabrina Louise]

I like it!
There were a few things I saw in the last stanza that could be changed:
"When I stare into you [blue] eyes"
"Do you know what I'm [saying]?"

Other than those I thought the emotion was portrayed pretty good, and you make me feel this internal struggle of trying to get noticed. It's a harsh, lonesome feeling, and you do a good job with it :)

[❀ Gabriela ..]

Beautiful, touching poem!

[Chris]

I wonder if you had a tune floating behind your eyes as you thought of the words?

[stars are far]

This was so.great..
Keep it up :)

[Lawrence Parlier]

I agree with Sabrina, the last stanza would flow much better with that one change. Divulging vulnerability is a hard thing to do but much less than trying to convey it in a poem. Nice job!

[Evelyn Storm]

A perfect articulation of the inner struggle of giving and receiving love. Great poem!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A mighty despriction of what one goes through to write or indeed feel, well done, dood read.

[Becky Clancy]

Thanks for your imput, I'll keep those thoughts in mind ^^