Fool for Caring (R.I.P Mrs. Olson <3 )

I feel like I am because everyone told me to get over this.  But for some reason I can’t no matter how much I may want to.  Maybe its true maybe I am suffering from depression and I just don’t know about it.  I don’t know what depression is like so I wouldn’t know what its like.

I don’t know what the symptoms of depression is but I feel like I do have depression and I don’t know how to get rid of it and I don’t know if anyone can help me to get rid of depression.

*sighs*

I don’t know.  I knew today was a bad day to came to school today but I know my mother wouldn’t allow it even if I was upset about this entire thing.  Maybe it would be better if I didn’t show my face in public for the next few weeks.  Maybe that would be best for me and for everyone else

Though I‘m not the only one that’s suffering as well.  A good friend of mine from Australia is also going through a lot to.  I understand how he feels and I understand his concern about me but I don’t know if anyone can help me anymore.

Even though they understand what I’m going through I feel like I’m alone without her with me right now and its not the same anymore.  I also feel like I’m cold-hearted as well because I didn’t go to the visitation because I couldn’t handle it and now I think shes mad at me now and its killing me if she is.  

Sunday will be the anniversary of her death and after the year has gone by I still get upset to know that shes not around anymore.  I would like to know where she is so I can see her again but I don’t think anyone will tell me where though.

Out of all the people in the world why did it have to be her?

I don’t know the answer and I think I will never know the answer.  To me the answer was that she was punished for something but she didn’t do anything wrong I know that so then why? why her and no one else?

It doesn’t make any sense I hate the fact that shes not around anymore and I hate to accept the fact that shes gone and that shes never coming back

When she was alive she was the person who accepted me the most.  But now that shes not here anymore I feel like that no one can accept me anymore and that I’m alone so no can help me and I hate it!!

I try very hard to forget but its impossible for me not to.  As soon as someone mentions her then I get even more down and I know they’re thinking of her to but I just can’t handle it anymore.  Everyone has been trying very hard to help me but sadly to say I don’t think anyone can help me anymore unless I help myself first and I don’t know how to do that.

I have never lost anyone this close to me before so this is still pretty new to me and I don’t know what to do anymore.

My mind is lost right now and I can’t find it anywhere and there were times that where everyone told me to get over it and move on.  I trying to move on but its still hard for me to.

*sighs*

Again I don’t know I want help but at the same time I don’t want help.  Reason for that is because I need to do things on me own and if I fail I fail  that’s that.  No turning back.  

The reason I want help is because if I don’t get help soon, they think I’m going to do something bad to myself and I don’t want that to happen.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Everybody mourn in their way. Death is hard to understand. I lost two good friends in Iraq. I was a Soldier for 15 years. I had to go to the parent house and they took me to say goodbye to my friends. It was hard on me and is still a pain I must live with. It is Okay to be sad. Human emotion need to be released. I tell people. Write some stories of the missed person and save the book. A sort of a release. The pain in this story is natural. Took my wife to track down my friend's parent and for me to say goodbye properly to take away some of the sadness. Thank you for sharing this poem.
Coyote

[Forevermore]

damn its beautiful, that u care i mean, and the way u wrote this, its amazing to read. sometimes i feel the same. great write

[BS Johnson]

Well expressed.