When will it ever stop?

When Im around people, I put on a brave face like theres nothing wrong with me
When Im around my family, I pretend that Im okay
When Im around my friends, I act like Im normal

But really inside, Im dead
Ive been dead for 15 years
Ever since I was in pre-k, Ive constantly get teased for my size
Constantly getting told that Im no good at anything
Constantly having other kids making pig and cow sounds at me

When I got to high school, it slowly got worse
Kids still make cow and pig noises at me
They would even say things behind my back
I even got called a w***e and a s**t

It use to get so bad that I wanted to end it all and not have to worry about it anymore
I thought if I left this world, no one would miss me
In fact, they'd be happy that I left this world

For 15 years Ive dealt with this.
From the time I was 5 years old to today, when Im almost 20 years old
Sometimes Im good at fooling people to think Im okay
Sometimes they are smart and they know somethings wrong with me

I just want it to stop
Ive tried ignore them, but that only works for so long
Ive tried threating them, it doesnt work
I even have dreams where all these kids are constantly teasing me, even through the internet
Even to this day I occasionally get sucidal thoughts
But then I keep thinking to myself "Who would be hurt if I left this world? Who would miss me?"
Then I ask myself again

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When will it ever stop?

Reviews

[Laura Storm]

Great write and awful reasons behind it. You think no one will miss you but it's shocking who would. Family you never imagined would care, friends you didn't realize were depending on your strength, even some one who you don't know. Never give up and always stand proud against the world. You can make it through and come out stronger because of it.

[stars are far]

Give them your back..and move.. no one deserves your unhappiness..
just forget them..i was rejected..totally rejected back at school..i only had 2 friends..and one of them left.. they all used to make fun of me..because i used to be fat.. but not too much..just big back haha.. well and then now at my colledge.. i dont care about any..i have few friends.. but I ignore the ones who no like me..and i dont like them back..
so never care about such people..if they are ahead of you them would never see your flaws..and either see you..
well done

[Heromen Selena]

Your close friends and relatives will miss you dearly. They would be heart broken. I'm so sorry that people can be so mean and cruel to someone so talented. I've only known you through the internet and I know you aren't what they say you are. You're a beautiful young lady on the inside, and that is what truly counts. You probably just wrote the poem to get your feelings out and probably wasn't looking for reassurance, but I'm here for you if you ever need to get things off your chest. It's a heart retching poem and a sad topic and written like a real, genuine human being would write it. Don't listen to them.

[PaperLife]

Pain is something we all witness and fight with. Like a drug or a cancer, suffocating us as we sleep. Like the darkness is covering us and finding its way deeper and deeper. But we survive with what's left with our humanity. Stay strong. Just stay strong. Not everyone believes that. We all have our battles, but you are not alone darling. I promise. Strength you will find in the darkest of times but you will have your rising. And when you do rise you will shine and the world will see your beauty. You WILL rise. You will.

[TLK]

Open your eyes to the fact that everybody everywhere is judged by somebody somewhere as not good enough.

That this happens to you is cruel punishment, true -- much worse is the fact that it is not unusual.

[quarintine_deathangel]

Dude! I'm tiny in height and size like literally around size 7 and I could easily shop in the kids department XD How many people have told me I'm skinny I can't even count, it's so not true, my body frame is seriously thick and I'm a wide hipped person. American thunder thighs, yup, got them. Look people are idiots and they forget that nobody is perfect, we're all beautiful in our own way, it's the human imperfection. Those same people who tell you off forget themselves and would abandon their own soul at the questioning of a peer. It's disgusting the way some people destroy their self to fit in. You should honestly read 'Blood Diamond' This kind of stuff is how I came into thinking about it. Please read it, I'm sure you'd coincide with the ideology of it ^^ If we were all mannequins then what would be great about that? >.> You have a natural beauty, you aren't a toothpick XD Just like Owlgirl's 'Mirror mirror...' forget the cynicists. ;) When something like a soul becomes initialized and folded like little dolls you can't expect a bit of hope, so while you're outside looking in, describing what you see, remember what you're staring at is me!...an epidemic of the mannequins contaminating everything we thought came from the heart, but never did right from the start! Just listen to the noises! Null and void instead of voices!"-Through glass, Stone Sour hope that helps!

[Alex Vidmar]

So many of us have gone through this. You've captured this well. Well done.

[MandaBear]

I know how you feel. When I was little I was never the skinny girl but I wasn't like blimp size you know and one day while in 4th grade I was minding my own business and this kid named Chris told me I needed to go on jenny Craig. Nice of him right. Well I went home and told my mother and she told the teacher told his parent because he never talked to me again. I had my share of bullies in High school to but I ignored them and told myself nothing they could say to me would make any different and I was going to be more than them later on in life. Great poem on bullies and bullying! You did a great job!