Nothing Matters

When depression takes over your life, everything changes...

To me, the world is a dark and lonely place. To some, it is a place of endless beauty. I used to be one of those people. I used to see the light of the sun, hitting the trees, the leaves filtering it through. I used to see the starry sky, the shining dots watching me with smiles. I used to hear the chirping of the birds, brightening my day and making me happy.

 

But now, I don’t.

 

Now, the angry grey clouds block the sun, the stars abandon me, leaving only white specks in the sky. Now the birds stop singing to me. They fly away and leave me alone, standing amongst my bleak surroundings.

 

I live every day, pretending it’s okay, pretending I’m fine when really I want to cry. Sometimes, the clouds drift away, letting the sun in, but they always come back darker than ever, angry at me for wanting to see the sun. I used to fight. I used to care. But now, nothing matters.

 

In the early hours of the morning, when everyone is asleep, I sit alone and stare at the wall. My mind tells me that no one cares, that to the world I don’t matter.

 

I wish I could cry, and let out all my pain, but the tears just don't come. I've been trying to fix myself for so long, but I always break down. Now I’ve given up.

 

 

Eventually, it happens; I give up. Nothing matters. Not anymore. Not me, not my life, not my dreams - NOTHING. There's nothing left for me, just a harsh, uncaring world, where people are too busy with their own lives to care about the pain of others.

 

I wish there was someone - anyone - out there, who noticed, who cared. I wish that for once, I'm not alone. I wish that to someone, I mattered.

 

But I know that I don't.

 

The darkness consumes me until I am only a shell of my past self. An empty, hollow shell. No feelings, no love in my heart. I want to be the old me. The ‘me’ who mattered. The ‘me’ who cared, but I can never go back to being that girl. The one who was happy and loved and cared for. The one who mattered.

 

Author's Note

Any insight or comments would be welcome.

Reviews

[Ardra]

Sometimes... I guess we end up giving up hopes...isn't it...
When light seems too far to touch....
And the pain of darkness filling the soul kind of suffocates...i guess a hug from someone who cares would make it a little better...
Sending you some warm hugs :)

[Dark_Hearts]

Thanks!! :)

[BLACKCRUSH]

I love your writing....it's like I feel every emotion pouring out into this piece. The world is a dark place but it always has been. its possible to find love in the darkness. Sending you praise and love

[Dark_Hearts]

Thank you so much!

[BLACKCRUSH]

You're very Welcome :))

[Lykos]

Such a brilliant description of depression. So much in this i could relate to, like it was what i was thinking about. Well done!!

[Dark_Hearts]

Thanks!! It was literally flowing out of me... I cant explain it. Lol

[Lykos]

I know the feeling, i wrote one a few years ago. Literally pour out of me like i was reading it off a page. Writing it down, for me, is a great way to relieve some of the tension. Always feel better when i unload on a page.

[Dark_Hearts]

I can understand that.

[Stellaa3]

I really like the way you narrate your innermost thoughts and the way you place them into order. It is a good story, it touched me. I promise you that one day the clouds will dissolve and the sun will shine bright again :). It's just a matter of time. Wish you all the best.

[Dark_Hearts]

Thanks! :)