The Chase

This is a story I wrote for English class that I will enter into a competition. Let me know what you think.

My breathing was short and rapid. I panted and came to a halt in the middle of the deserted forest. My heart was racing as I looked around frantically for any signs of people chasing me. When I heard nothing, I collapsed to the ground and into the wet mud. Tall, bare trees loomed all around me, their trunks hidden by a thick layer of white fog. I closed my eyes and listened. The sound of silence. To some, it was pleasing, to others, frightening, but to me, it was calming. There was no one chasing me. No one hunting me down like an animal. I dug my nails deep into the cool mud and smiled as I finally had a break. I gazed up at the starry sky and at the full moon. I spent what seemed like an eternity studying all the patterns, shapes and colours that decorated it. Then I heard a rustle of leaves. They were coming.

 

I smiled grimly, accepting my fate, knowing they would find me, knowing they would take me. But I wasn’t going down without a fight. I sprinted off into the darkness, my advantage being that I knew my way around the forest. As a child, I would explore every inch of the shadowy woods. I knew every tree. I was connected to every twig and every leaf that littered the forest floor.

 

The soft padded sound of the footsteps disrupted the eerily calming silence. My heart raced in my chest, blood pounding in my ears. My breathing was heavy; I was sure they could hear it. The hair on my arms prickled as I felt a chill sweep through my body. The footfalls became louder, and voices disturbed the hush of the night.

“I know you’re here…” beckoned a raspy voice.

I shuddered and wished I had never stepped foot out of the house. I remained silent, praying they wouldn’t see me. I heard the distinct sound of a gun being loaded with an array of bullets. One shot. Two shots. The sleeping birds flew from their nests in a disconcerting mix of screeching sounds. I brought my hands to my ears and blocked the sound out. This was a chance to keep going, keep surviving. I burst into a sprint running far away from the tree I had been leaning on, far from the bullets.

 

It was then I realised it was all a trap. The let me run straight into the arms of my end. I accepted my fate and fell to my knees, the cool mud trying to soothe me. The gunshot echoed in my ears long after it had reached my body and I collapsed forwards, face in the dirt. It was over.

 

I awoke, panting from the vivid and horrific dream. I knew the people existed, and I knew they would find me. I stood to get water, and the doorbell rang.

Author's Note

I know the ending kind of sucks, my teacher will help me with that.

Reviews

[Robert Parlange]

Good pacing. The "hook" drew me into the story. You have a talent for action, that can be hard sometimes. The story had a good narrative flow and builds on tension.
I'm not a big fan of "dream stories" but I do think you have something here. You could really build on this and make it a much more compelling story.
Good job.

[Dark_Hearts]

Thanks for the review! I'll take that into account.

[Zoya]

The first two paras read very much like one of my stories on here that takes place in a dark forest. The flow of the story was great. It maintained its pace and each line kept me hooked. The ending isn't that bad. Yes, waking up from a dream is a very common ending but the last line did the trick. Though it would've been better if you removed the penultimate line. I dont think there's much need to specify that. Let the readers do the thinking when they read- 'the doorbell rang'.
Other than that, it was an intriguing piece!

[Dark_Hearts]

Thanks! I'll take that into account!

[Zoya]

No worries