Rock Bottom

This is an excerpt from an actual story I'm writing. It's a metaphor for depression and it hints to suicide (NOT ENCOURAGING IT). If this may trigger you, please don't risk reading it.

He paused for a minute and whispered his words so softly, that if it wasn’t for their close proximity, she would never have heard them.

“I’ve reached rock bottom.”

‘What is rock bottom? I’ve heard you say it a few times before.’

‘Rock bottom is a place, a place full of darkness and the essence of loneliness. I’ve been there once, and I don’t want to go back... Sometimes you get hurled out, forcefully and unwillingly and everyone is waiting for you, floating on the surface. Other times you gather all your energy and courage and push against the current and break through the barrier onto the surface, but sometimes you are left to rot there, watching everyone else float on the top... And the other time... you meet a mermaid...’

He locked eyes with her and kept speaking... ‘And she holds your hand and guides you slowly and steadily back to the top... It’s slow and agonising, but it’s worth it in the end. But one thing you need to be careful of is scuba divers, they dress like mermaids and deceive you. They take you halfway back and once you’re blindly following them, they let go and abandon you...’

‘Tell me more about mermaids,’ she whispered mesmerised.

‘Mermaids are beautiful creatures, eyes filled with endless joy...’ he glanced at her eyes, ‘A smile as radiant as the sun,’ his gaze flickered to her lips, ‘And hearts full of love and compassion... They are indeed the most wonderful beings… Once you find one, you can’t let the current take her away from you.’

‘How did you get out?’ she asked, intrigued, ‘Did you meet a mermaid?’

‘No... I... I was hurled out...’

‘Did it hurt?’

‘…Yes. Very, very much.’

‘Are you okay?’ she asked causing his heart to skip a beat. No one had asked him that in years.

‘I...’ the pain and anguish were evident in his features, his dark eyes giving away everything when his words were unable. His breathing became heavier as the tears threatened to fall. Why was she making him feel so much? What was it about her that made him open up?

Author's Note

What do you think? Please be kind, I'm only 13.

Reviews

[Jeremy]

I think you have a lot of skill for someone your age. I think you could expand on the ending though. Maybe don't go the "pain and anguish" route. Let the story develop somewhat. I thought the idea of a mermaid that pulls you out of rock bottom was fairly unique. I really liked the part about scuba divers and how he was hurled out. Why was he hurled out, and how? I understand that "rock-bottom" is a metaphor, but why should it be? Let it be the literal rock-bottom of the ocean, where literal mermaids pull people out. I think it would be a bit more fun and way more interesting than characters going through depression.
You write very well and your choice of words and point of view are pretty unique. I just think it would be a shame to fall into the dark and moody crowd. I'm guilty of being part of that crowd myself; the real struggle is leaving it.

[Dark_Hearts]

Thanks for the review! Like I said, this is an excerpt of a short story I wrote. I understand what you mean about how it would be interesting if it was literal, but I guess I just wrote this to get my own feelings off my chest. I feel like this quite often, so when the metaphor came to mind, I just had to write it. Thanks for the feedback!

[look.both.ways]

this is very well written. I like the point of view it is written in. good job!