Damned to sin

Damned to sin was my idea, however I would like to think Dr. Rick Puetter, for helping me with the story line and choice of words. ~S. D. Blankenship

I wrote this for you the one I knew,

but now I'm Damned from you too.

And now true love is lost with pain,
Damned am I and she is my bane.

You left me for someone that's new,
Damned am I, my dreams I eschew.

We loved this way every day,
Damned am I, loves most feeble prey! 

You laughed as you ripped out my heart,
Damned am I now that we're apart.

You are impaired most fleshly lust,
Damned am I, my passion now rust. 
 
I loved you and only you alone,
Damned am I and bereft my throne.  

For you alone my heart doth ache,
Damned am I, how my world doth shake. 

I miss her smile, her lips, and eyes so blue,
Damned am I that her love was not so true. 

I have great pain while she is well,
I know I'm damned, my life is Hell.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Tai Chi Italy]

Ah I see a love issue approaching.....the reason you feel like this, is precisely because you feel and that is the key to being human imo. We have to take the rough with the smooth on our journey, sometimes it is hell on earth and then again sometimes it is pure bliss, an emotion I am wiling take the pain to have again and again....Luck in love to you, Tai

[Every1s_psychotic_vampy..]

I like this. Its dark and sad. =] Nice.

[Mysteral - Night Prowle..]

I don't usually like writing reviews on poetry... many I don't understand and cringe when poets seem to break rules of good grammar for sake of art. This poem I do like, easy to understand, the words mean something without having to search for a cryptic meaning, it flows pretty well, and I do like poetry that rhymes. Well written piece, and thanks for sharing.

[Juan]

Damned we are! As you can see from the response you got you wrote something people relate to so thanks for sharing (even if it is heartache)..lol well done

[Eustacia]

I liked it, felt like it had a good structur and you knew where you were going with it from start to end. The repetition of 'damned am I' kept this flowing too.

[Mike Willson]

Damned to sin as a race are we, for love causes us to become the greatest sinners we can be.

[jakelsen]

I like the rhythm and cadence of this piece. The hurt and pain come through loud an clear. I tried reading it out loud, and here are my suggestions to tighten it up. They are, of course, only suggestions, so take them with a grain of salt. I am no poet, by any means! I've put your poem first and my suggestions below.


I wrote this for you the one I knew,

but now I'm Damned from you too.



And now true love is lost with pain,
Damned am I and she is my bane.



You left me for someone that's new,
Damed am I, my dreams I eschew.



We loved this way every day,

Damned am I, love's most feeble prey!


You laughed as you ripped out my heart,

Damned am I now that we're apart.



You ere inpired most fleshly lust,
Damned am I, my passion now rust.



I loved you and you alone,

Damned am I and bereft my throne.



For you alone my heart doth ache,
Damned am I, how my world doth shake.


I miss her smile, her lips, and eyes so blue,

Damned am I that her love's not true.


I have great pain while she is well,
I known I'm damned, my life is Hell.

HERE ARE MY SUGGESTIONS:


This I write for the one I knew,

but now I'm damned and so are you.



True love lost and left with pain,
Damned am I, she is my bane.



Cast aside for someone new,
Damned am I, my dreams are through



We loved this way every day,

Damned am I, love's feeble prey!


You laughed, cruel love, as you ripped my heart

Damned am I now we're apart.



You ere inspired most fiery lust,
Damned am I to passion's rust.



I loved you, love, with flesh and bone,

Now damned am I to love alone.



For you alone my heart doth ache,
Damned am I, my world doth shake.


I miss her smile, her eyes so blue

Damned am I her love's not true.


I live in pain while she is well,
Damned am I to this life of hell.

There it is.

Jeanie

[closed]

Wow! This was dark but also beautiful. The poem really caught my interest. Very nice!

[FrikinFrancesca]

Aww...Wow. This is a really good poem. It tells a story and ends it.

[Vampire]

I liked this poem and i like the feeling thats put into it, this is one of the best poems i've read in a long time, and i'm being completely honest.

[satanic666]

awesome dude this is my favorite poem out of any iv ever read and screw the grammar corrections its the message that counts man! Kick a*s job i loved it!!