Shattered Pieces

Shattered Pieces

I'm shy and alone

A depression so deep

I can barely breathe

My demons lay here with me

They comfort

And hold me

When I'm in the dark

All alone with my thoughts

They call to me

The images I see

Would make a blind man

Appreciate his lack of sight

Can nothing wake me from this nightmare

They call life

It's dark and I'm scared

Can't count how many times

I've cried

Turned the other way

Ran to my room to find the solace in which I hide

Fall to my knees

And beg God

To just let me die

God must hate me

Otherwise why else would he condemn to this fate

Life is awkward

And I feel out of place

Amoung the loved ones

Who always manage to keep a smile on their faces

I'm coked up

They ran away

It's just me and the liquor in my cup

Two lines later the pain starts to fade

It was August eleventh today

You told me you hate me

I'm twenty-one

But still inside it breaks me

There are nights when the pain is so real

A loneliness twenty-two years old

Sinks into my bones

It rips and claws

And torments me when I'm alone

And beckons so lovingly when I'm not on my own

This life is endless torture

Dad is this what you wanted

When you sold me to a better life

What would you see

If you looked into eyes?

Eighteen years since you did

Doubt you'd recognise

Me if I passed you on the street

Have you thought about me at all?

Or did life just go on

After you gave me up at four?

I hate

That I hate

Hating you

And it's killing me inside

A pain that I never learnt to deal with it

But got used to enough to hide

Do you have a new son?

Is he better than me?

How could it be

That he would be worth staggering on with but not me

What worth do you see in him

That you don't see in me?

Is mommy alive or dead?

Her memories have long flickered out in my head

Can't remember her face

Can't remember her smile

Can't remember the warmth of her embrace

But I do remember her leaving her child

Dad look at me

Look what I've become

Look at all that I've done

Look at what I started

Look at what I finished

Look at my entire life

And realise that it doesn't mean spit without you in it

You took something else from me

Something a parent should never take from a child

The nights I could fight

I did and the ones I couldn't

I just lay there and cried

Do we look at the same moon?

Do we share dreams?

Only if you dream of your departure from this life too

In my dreams

I've found you a billion times

Run forward

Arms outstretched, tears in my eyes

And a firm grip on my knife

But if I could put down this bottle

If I could flush away this cocaine

Maybe I wouldn't feel so hollow

Maybe there could be a spark of forgiveness in my brain

This coke and vodka warmth fills me

I won't stop

I'll embrace it and pray that one day it kills me.

DarkTower

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Sometime death is peace and sometime living is peace.
"But if I could put down this bottle
If I could flush away this cocaine
Maybe I wouldn't feel so hollow
Maybe there could be a spark of forgiveness in my brain
This coke and vodka warmth fills me
I won't stop
I'll embrace it and pray that one day it kills me.'
Powerful story with a honest ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote