Black Rose

Black Rose

I live in a bubble
Struggle with the pain
Struggle as adoption scars
Grow deeper
Every day
Not to sound like martyr
But its getting a lot harder
Than i thought it could ever be

You might not think its
That big a deal to ignore me
But you were all I had
And it makes me sad
To think how far we've fallen
Its actually quite appalling
That  you sycophantic suck ups
You blood sucking
Crap talking
Simple minded
Weak willed
Parasites
Think you have the right
To leech yourselves onto my lively hood
And try to suck the joy out of my life

And pardon me
If all I'm being
Is just another kaffir
On a downward spiral
Circling the drain
Using my bottles of oblivion
to mask unimaginable pain
Oh yes
Now we're all in an up roar
How dare that boy
Accuse you of using such a foul word.

And of course
Hidden amoung all you victims
These a small crowd of innocents
Who I never would involved
Simply because they're only on average twelve yours old
I spoke to one not that long ago
"Uncle B you're a talentless failure and you're going to do alone,"
Now should I be mad at her
Or the person by whom who she was told?
But then I think a little harder
Its time for me to grab hold and take charge
Pick up the phone and let her know
Just how far things have come
And how her and I no longer considered family
She cries and tells  me its just not fair of me
"This is mommy & daddy say, please dont hate Uncle B"
If your mommy & daddy didn't want to react to you
Then they wouldn't have involved you
Deep down in my heart sweety, know that Uncle B loves you
Buy if your parents want to be stupid
Then theres really nothing I can do.

After my weeks in St Peters Substance Clinic
I walk out a new man with my addictions finished
Is it hard
My room mates family called him everyday
It made me feel bad
When I saw him leaving hand in hand with mum and his dad
That night I broke into tears
All alone succumbing to my fears
I scared as hell
Wishing my mom was here
So take a shot of vodka
It hits my stomach
The burning spreads up my chest
And fills a gaping hole I didn't know was there
And if I knew
Who could I tell who'd care?
MY sister?
The one who never answers her phone
Or is never home
Or when her little brother called and said he needed her help
Said "I spoke to dad, do it yourself little boy."
My brother?
Whos voice I wouldn't even recognise anymore
Its my fault
Because I blamed him
For how differently "dad" treated us both
I know its not fair
But for some reason that's always bothered me most.
My mom?
Who's heart I'm always breaking
Dear God Mom I've always known you're the only one who loves unconditionally
And for some reason I'm always scared that one day I'm going to wake up
And just like that woman who gave birth to me you'll be gone.
I take another sip of oblivion
Pick up the phone and admit back to St Peters.

Dark Tower.
I will be back. A few weeks in St Peters and I will be back better than ever.

Reviews

[audrie]

I especially liked these parts -
Crap talking
Simple minded
Weak willed
Parasites

And pardon me
If all I'm being
Is just another kaffir
On a downward spiral
Circling the drain
Using my bottles of oblivion
to mask unimaginable pain

Addiction is one of the hardest things to overcome and is the hardest thing to maintain. . . very courageous poem

[Coyote Poetry]

Always good to read your words. This is a sad story. Addiction is hard on the person and the family. I like the description of struggle and some hope in the end. Thank you for sharing the powerful story.
Coyote

[Aehr]

Loved the description. You've told the story well. It is a tiny bit hazy in some places, but nothing too alarming or striking or annoying. Well done. My favourite lines were:

Using my bottles of oblivion
to mask unimaginable pain

Keep writing. Xx.

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid read and write...:)...................