Bongani

A peak into my ink.

Bongani

 

I’ve lived as I’ve lived

And I’m not about to make an apology

I just want you to have better understanding of the heart of me

 

Spent most of my child wanting to fit in with the other kids

In order to fit in I did a few things that I today regret

But that didn’t stop them from asking and laughing

At questions that used to make my eight year old eyes wet

Why you black?

Why your parents white?

You must’ve been such a mess

Not even your real parents could stand the sight

Of your baby face

Too young understand the answers

Walk away hung my head in disgrace

Constantly trying outrun a past that’s moving at a fast pace

 

It’s been years since tears have closed my eyes

Instead each tear has been hidden by frown lines

As I hide

Behind an impenetrable wall of pride

And explosive rage

That protects the scared kid I hide inside

They say God works in mysterious ways

But I’m sick of the mystery

I think it’s time answers were sent to B

I pray to God everyday

That he takes my fathers genes right out of me

 

I’m tired being angry

I’m tired not knowing

I’m of being confused

I’m tired of scared

I’m tired of thinking in my heart that they never cared

I’m tired of spending my nights trying to envision parents faces

Although it’s a waste of time because in my heart their faces are no longer there

I’m tired never really feeling like I’m fitting in

I’m tired of walking past every bin

And wondering if that’s the one they threw me in

I’m tired of people telling me they love me

Because I never believe them and that’s why I’m always testing them

I’m sick and tired of never feeling good enough

Suicide is sin

So God please take me

Because Lord knows I’ve had enough

A lot of people around me

But none would come if I should call

None would extend a hand

And lift me up if the day should come that i fall

Picking away

At my mountain of problems

As successful as using my fingernails to bring down a brick wall

Its strange but being alone is the only way I know how to not be alone at all

 

Bongani “B.C”  Mhlangu

Reviews

[Samantha Lynn]

Now I may be all white, but it is the white society that gives me a bad name. That is my best argument. White American's are the worst. I hate these people. sometimes I wish I were like you guys just so I wouldn't have to be associated with these people. haha :P

[Loner]

Take people with a pinch of salt never listen to them fully
and take everything they say to heart otherwise life will be living hell for you
you know what is the difference b/w life and education is ?
Life takes your exam and then teaches you a lesson where as
education teaches you a lesson and then takes your exam ....
No matter what your color is what caste /creed you belong to be proud of what you
are because if you become a weakling in your life then remember everyone steps on
the lower branch of a tree so walk with your head held high and like a high branch of a tree top
people never spear anyone from their wagging tongues this is the only weapon a man has
to hurt the other person with his /her tongue .
So my friend cheer up .

[Dark Tower]

Kind words my dear friend. Thank you. You have put a smile on my face this morning

[Loner]

U are more then welcome...

[Coyote Poetry]

Struggle is life. Life is struggle. No easy journey for no-one. I like your story. I have a white face. I'm 1/2 Native American and Mexican. I learn to appreciate the part people disliked. Best way to make your point. Don't give a damns about useless opinions and show the world who you are. Thank you for the powerful poem. You made me think this morning. A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Dark Tower]

Thank you Coyote.
What you say is true, cruelty is born from ignorance, and soon we must all accept that it is our differences that make us special.