Dear Lord.

When I close my eyes to pray.

Dear Lord.

Dear Lord, please can you forgive me for my sins.

Good

Now can you help me fix a few things.

I know I haven't been your favourite but I really need your aid

Life has been giving me lemons

And I'm sick of drinking lemonade

Lord you gave me this unbelievable talent with a pen

But the more I chase my dream and write it

The more negativity combats me and I'm tired of fighting it

I don't cherish the company of others I've always been a loner

They say that life's hard but even a stray dog eventually gets a bone huh

You and I both know you've taken everything else from me

Don't I at least deserve this?

When things were rough

You sent me Leila

She helped me pull through when things were tough

You gave her to me, then you decided to retake her

Leaving me with the impossible task of trying to replace her

On top of that it would be really great if you could me secure me my job

So that I can be the one to inspire pride out of dad and mom

Not just the one that everyone knows went horribly wrong

Lord please take my life if you need to

I would rather spend my eternity with you

Theres nothing for me down here

Hard voices, full of violence is all I hear

And I fear

I could become one of them if you leave me here

The woman that I want is trying to play me with some other guys

She could never lie to me, but I think its funny that she tries

Your actions and words say one thing, but the truth is reflected in your eyes

I've been fighting with myself too long

My subconscious has always known what was going on

Vodka brings back my euphoria

But I still give in to my paranoia

Because I know that I cant trust you

Because of somethings you tell me you do

I always believe the truth that somebody tells you

Is never as bad as the truth of what actually happened

Its not to say I don't love you

You know I do

I sit patiently through every test you put me through

You always tell me to leave you

What are you going to do

When I actually listen?

No much, right?

Because when you're gone its never me that you're missing.

Slowly I become the monster

The poet no longer in control

In fact hes just an impostor

I look in the mirror and weep

I've become so allergic to sleep

Even when awake my nightmares creep

Up on me

So tired I look like a walking zombie

God talk to me please I need something to believe in

I know that I love her

I know because I'm still breathing

But to her I'm just guy

And very soon she'll have met another

And I know I shouldn't but I can never help but wonder

Is it me?

Of course not, I see only perfection in her

The fault must be with B

And really Lord I don't like the person Im becoming

A heart so warm is now just steadily numbing

A tint of grey when I look at the world is all I see

I'm stretching my hand towards you Jesus

Can you change me?

Bongani Armstrong Mhlangu

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful poem for the desire of hope and need. We all fall to the desire of mistake and sin. Hard to seek forgiveness. I like the desire to find peace and safety. You can change. Just need hard work and trying to do the rights things. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[melissa's heart]

I realy enjoyed this poem, great job my friend.

[Lisa Ring]

Very touching. Be patient. You may not ever get what you want. But you will always get what you need.

[Cole Hayley]

Another brillant piece from you my friend.