Grave

Grave

Why aren't you moving Lil?

I didn't mean to really do it

I just wanted to scare you, I was mad, it was threat why did you have to fight?

Now look at you body, I've got to find somewhere to hide it.

No, I know that's not right.

But I don't want to face consequences, I'm scared.

COME ON LIL!

Open your eyes, I know you're in there!

If I put clean you up and put you in bed and clean up your hair

If I do it right, I can call the cops and make them think you died there

Oh God! (collapses onto knees, starts to cry)

Lil this is your fault!

If you had just been honest you wouldn't have had to die!

I warned you not to do it, but you had to test me!

I didn't have to stay with me if you were unhappy

But I just wanted honesty

Come on Lil bend your feet!

I just want to tuck you in this hole nice and neat.

Are you happy now Lil?

You finally found another one way to ruin me!

Burn in hell!

That's what I'm writing on your tomb stone

Hey Lil look.

This is the first time you've ever slept alone.

Bongani Armstrong Mhlangu

Reviews

[Miguel]

Chilling. :) There are some parts where I get a little lost, but to be honest, those parts add to the bitterly confusing and angry feel of the poem, in my opinion.
The ending was powerful. Kind of made me smile, though. Is that wrong? :P

Great write.
Miguel

[Gazza]

Nice story, suprising yet interesting ending. Just watch the typo in the 2nd last line in your 2nd stanza, I think thats supposed to be You for the 1st word.

[Dark Tower]

Thanks mate, will fix that.

[Relic]

A good scary story with a massive punch for an end. However it's poorly written. Fix up some of those lines and the reader won't trip.

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful story in this poem. You gave me a surprise ending with this poem. Some ending can be nasty.
"Hey Lil look.
This is the first time you've ever slept alone."
Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Dark Tower]

Thank You Coyote, glad you liked it.

[Lisa Ring]

Your alter ego strikes again! I think the last third of the poem is the strongest. I enjoy the end "This is the first time you've ever slept alone." Double meanings work for me...beauty in subtlety.

[Dark Tower]

Thanks Lisa. Don't worry, my alter ego has one piece left in him, then he's retiring.

[Lisa Ring]

Only one! Mine has many that I don't dare put to paper. Well, let me know when it's done :)

[afra]

wow ...another great write

[Dark Tower]

Thanks Afra