God f*****g damn it!!!

The troops circle the beast and point their guns. Derek steps forward and hits the beast straight in the heart. The beast screams aloud in total pain. It starts to shrink and turns back into a man.  A dark red pool of blood surrounds the body. The beast is dead and the rest of the troops celebrate. But Derek looks odd. He looks like he is deep in thought or listening for something.

Suddenly he jumps back. Where we once stood lands another beast, this one is filled with blood on its fur. More crashing sounds are heard as the troops are now surrounded.

One by one the troops are attacked and torn apart. Their blood fills the courtyard and their insides lay motionless on the dirty tile.

The gun fire and the ripping of flesh stops, the remaining four werewolves surrounding the remaining victim, Derek. Derek raises his guns but the beast stop. The bigger, bloodier one walks up to Derek. It shouts out to him.

“Are you Derek?”

“Of course I am. Are you that much of an idiot?”

It growls at him. Derek smiles, “Well if you are here to kill me, then do it. IF you are here to capture me, then prepare to get fucked up.”

Derek fires the gun in his left hand and completely hits the dead center of the beast’s heart.

Derek swings his other arm and puts another one down.

The third one swings and misses Derek barely. He fires the fun and kills the next one. One left.

Derek goes to fire but he is out of bullets in both guns. He stands there eyes locked with the beast.

Suddenly the beast’s chest spatters out blood onto Derek’s body. To the left of Derek is Alice with Lilly’s gun.

 

The rest of the day is filled with Alice and Lilly helping clean up blood in the courtyard. Derek spends the rest of the day, digging and burying his troops and werewolves.

Lilly stares at Alice.

Alice looks over, “Can I help you with something?”

“Oh, sorry I didn’t mean to stare.”

“Well you were creeping me out.”

“I want to thank you for saving Derek.”

“Why are you thanking me?”

“Well he is my brother, I don’t know what I would do if I loss him.”

“I didn’t know he was your brother.”

“Well it’s on the down-low.  Because I don’t want special treatment being related to one of the top commanders.”

“Well it’s no problem. He saved me once, so I owed him.”

Lilly and Alice finish up their work. Lilly walks Alice home and they say their goodbyes.

Alice opens the door and spots Derek holding Eve.

Derek turns and looks at her. There is a long awkward silence.

“Thank you for saving me today,” Derek says, looking down at Eve.

“It’s no problem, I owed you.”

“Well thanks anyways. By the way there is food in the kitchen, you can eat whatever.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah.”

“Why do you treat me so good compared to what stories I have heard from other wives?”

“I don’t believe the same things they do. I know my wife would be ashamed if she saw me acting like a monster like them.”

“She must have been a hell of woman to make a lasting impress like that.”

“She was.”

The two go and eat. Alice notices the worry in Derek’s face.

“What’s wrong Derek?”

He hesitates, “Can I ask a favor of you? It’s a big one but I have to ask.”

“Well you can ask me, doesn’t mean I’ll accept it.”

“Fair enough. But if anything happens to me, I need you to make sure Eve makes to Lilly.”

“Do you think something will happen to you soon?”

“I feel I do have enough people trying to get me, rip me limb from limb or even just lock me up. I just need to know that Eve will be safe when I’m gone.”

She stares at him, “There is something you aren’t telling me.”

“I don’t know if you noticed but no higher command was there.”

“Well you were there.”

“I wasn’t supposes to be there. I got stuck caring for Eve.”

Alice seems really interested now, “So the attack was for the village?”

“It would seem so. And you want to know the weirder part?”

“What would that be?”

“Well, the werewolves are an independent clan. So someone…”

They both say it, “hire them.”

Derek laughs a little, “great minds think alike.”

“So who hired them?”

“Well that’s the question. It would have been a little more clear if I were to die or not.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well if I was killed, then it would be the Demons or the Vampires. Now if I was captured, it would be the Zombies or the Angels.”

“Wait Angels? Why are they after you?”

“Well the Angels don’t hate me, but they want me to lead their armies in the war against the Demons. “

“And the Demons want you dead because of that?”

“Yeah, pretty much. That and they maybe are a little mad; I killed most of their commanders.”

Alice laughs, “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, planted a bomb in one of their supply nest, four commanders were there.”

“Nice. Why are the vampires after you?”

“Well I maybe have…well… killed Dracula.”

“Seriously?”

“No, but wouldn’t that be epic. I just have release a lot of their blood mills.”

“Do I even want to ask what those are?”

“They are places where humans are kept and harvested for blood.”

“How many have you destroyed?”

“About twenty. They make up a fifth of our troops now.”

“Pretty impressive. So what about the zombies? Aren’t they mindless?”

“Yes, more of them are. But the not the King and the Princess. They are full functioning zombies who can control all the mindless hordes they owe.”

“And why do they want you?”

“I think that’s enough of my life tonight, I’m going to bed. Night.”

Reviews

[Shep]

Loss should be loose...love the action. Best chapter yet. Moving on.

[VannahBanana]

In the very beginning, you switched from omniscient to saying, "Where we were once standing" but that's just about it.
I think this is where a lot of personality and heart comes out of the characters. You've done a good job. A great improvement. Good job(:

[Stormy Weather]

Derek is such a boss!!!!

[Your Perfect Disaster]

GAh, can't stop reading ^-^ You really know how to hook a person. Other than a few grammatical errors this was aweshume.

[Archia]

My one qualm with this is that I don't know what anything looks like. I don't know what anyone looks like, or the place where they're at. To me, I'm imagining this desert with tents set up, but I'm pretty sure that's not right. There are times when things should be left to the imagination, but not always; I think this needs more description and clarification to help set the scene.
Saying that, I'm still enjoying this, in each chapter a new thing is introduced that says more about the character's and the world around them.

[Coffee Vampier]

"But Derek looks odd."
Thats like describing someone as weird...

other words would probably fit that better since that's the start of your chapter.
"looks as if hes lost in though"
"Looks sad"
"Looks almost emotionless"
and so on.

Love the story I really love it.

[HaruHau-Chan]

The fight sequence was very short. Then the dialogue took over again. I feel bad admitting this, but I actually didn't finish reading this chapter. I wound up spacing out, lost in the dialogue.
I've noticed with your chapters it starts with a little bit of detail, then goes to:
He said.
She said.
He said.
She said.
And then you move on to the next chapter.
Again: Slow down.
Take your time. When you write, sit down and relax. Close your eyes and picture your story playing in your mind like a movie. Write not only what your characters are saying, but what they are thinking, doing, feeling, seeing, tasting, touching, everything, as if it were actually happening to you. This will pull in your readers much, much more.

There is chemistry there with the characters, but it is hard to notice by just seeing what they are saying to each other. Bring that chemistry out. Make us notice it more.

[snickerdoodle]

good interactive, engaging dialogue that moves story along, fleshing out plot points and seeding intrigue to know what's next.

[Daenerys]

Yet another amazing chapter.

[TKBickel]

Nice twist and character development. I like the playful humor to balance the horror.
I was recommended to read your story. I’m glad I did. It’s really good and has great potential.
Keep writing