It's never fun to be naked outside.

Chapter Three: It’s Never Fun to be Naked Outside

Alice’s reality comes back into focus. Her eyes flicker trying to figure out what happened. A cold wind hits her now nude pale body. Alice shudders at the feeling.

Alice tries to move but can feel like she is tied up. Her ties locked her up to a cold steel pole. Chains are around her waist as an extra support to her capture.

 

The deadly lustful dark eyes of what once used to be respectable men watch her, wanting her. They argue among themselves about who will get the first turn with her.

The biggest and ugliest wins and approaches her.

“Look! The little b***h is awake and ready to get fucked.”

He licks his sun dried lips. He speaks again leaning in towards Alice.

“You ready for this b***h?”

He drops his pants to show an unimpressive penis. It easily gets erected and the hugely fat white man approaches her naked body. The rest of the men cheer and holler.

“Hey! What the f**k are you doing?”

A man walks up to the group. He is well dressed compared to the rest of the men. It’s not quite a military uniform yet not a formal suit. He barks to all the dirty men, “Who authorized this?”

The ugly man pulls up his pants and slowly walks over to him.

“You aren’t the one in charge right now. The commander isn’t here and even if he was he would approve of this, maybe even join in.” The ugly man chuckles and waits for the other men to follow his lead.

They all quietly laugh.

The well-dressed man looks at Alice for a moment then back at the man.

“I’m not going to let you do it.” The man gets very close to the ugly pig of a man.

“You aren’t going to stop me. This is the first single woman I have seen in months, I want her.” The two are nearly face to face; the ugly man’s rotten breath hits the other guys.

“How about this: You can have her if you can beat me in a fight.” The man smirks.

Alice looks at the two in their pissing contest. She just wanted to be free.

“Deal.”

The ugly man backs up and raises his fists.

The well-dressed man takes off his nice coat and drops it to the dusty floor. The ugly man cracks his knuckles in preparation.

“First one to tap out or give up wins the girl.” The ugly man explains.

The ugly man swings at the well-dressed man.  The well-dressed man side steps the punch and with all his force counters, knocking the ugly man down. 

The ugly man doesn’t get up.  The well-dressed man barks orders for the men.

“Get her off that poll, and untie her. Then the rest of you drag that lazy a*****e back to the camp.”

Some of the men get her off the poll and untie her. The well-dressed man picks up his coat and walks over to Alice.

He hands her the coat, “Put this one, and follow me. I’ll get you some cloths.”

Alice hesitates. The man sees that and responds.

“Or you can stay with them. Or stay out with all of the evil things around here.”

Alice follows the man.

The new part of town Alice is now in is almost like an old military barracks. Every building was identical in size and greyish color.

The two pass through a courtyard filled with small green plants. Some of them had fruits and vegetables on it. There were a few people out but they didn’t want eye contact with her, mainly because Alice couldn’t see anyone when she looked like this.

They go down a small hallway .They end up at a door with a number on it. 14. The man unlocks the door with a small silver key then pushes the brown wooden door open. He points for her to go in.

Alice goes in and he closes the door behind him. Once he does, Alice speaks.

“Are you going to rape me?”

He hesitates, “No. Just sit. What is your name?”

“I don’t wish to share.” Alice snaps back.

“Alright, I understand.  I’ll share first. Well, my name is Derek. And I’m a commander in this rag tag army of what we like to be called, Gravediggers.”

“Well you have a nice bunch of rapists in it. Well done.” Alice softly laughs.

“Judge them if you must, I may not like what they do, but this men have endear a lot. Everyone has their demons.”

“Like what?” Alice snaps back and crosses her arms barely remembering she was still nude.

“Most of these men’s families were killed in front of their eyes. Those were the lucky ones. Other had to see their families turned into something unholy.”

“Which group do you fall into?”

“Doesn’t matter. You just need to know, that everyone has their demons.” Derek looks around for something to drink, and then mumble, “Where is that tea?” His hands search the cabinets in his little kitchen.

Just as Alice is about to insult him again, she hears a baby’s cry.

Derek jumps up and goes to the corner of the room where a makeshift crib like thing stands. He picks up a bundle of blankets. A small child’s head can be seen.

Alice speaks, “Did you steal that from woman that was raped or was it a baby of someone who was raped?”

“Why do you automatically think I’m a monster?”

“Most men are.”

“Well for your information, this is my daughter, Eve. I had her with my wife and the sex was consensually.”

Derek snuggles with Eve to comfort her.

Alice sits there then suddenly there is a knock at the door. Derek walks over and lets an older man in.

He speaks, “Commander Castle, I heard you assaulted an officer today and denied soldier their find.”

He looks at Alice with lustful eyes and speaks again, “You must turn her over so she can go through selection.”

Alice speaks up, “What’s selection?”

“Darling, it’s where an officer or commander will get to select you as a wife or baby maker.” He has a real south draw to his voice.

“What if I refuse?” Alice snaps back almost in a yell.

“Poor darling, you can’t. You are ours now.” He smiles and laughs at Alice.

Alice thinks to herself on how much she hates the word, darling.

Derek speaks up, “Who is up for the girl?”

The old man speaks, “Hector.”

Derek speaks to Alice, “The man you had the pleasure to meet earlier.”

Alice laughs but kind of realizes the harsh reality that she may have to face. Derek turns to the old man. “What if I take the girl?”

“You want her? She seems to be more trouble than she’s worth.”

“Well I’m the highest commander with no wife, and I really do need help with Eve when I’m gone on supply runs and hunting trips. It works out for everyone.”

“Well you can have her if you want.” He eyes her, wishing he could have her.

Derek turns to Alice, “Is that okay with you?”

She speaks, “Sure, why not. I don’t seem like I have much of a choice.”

The old man speaks to Derek, “I will have Georgia come over tonight and train the girl in all her jobs.”

Reviews

[C.F. Boehlke]

This chapter is an improvement, especially in terms of length! There is more "meat" to this chapter... No pun intended. I did wonder why the man who saved her didn't give her his coat, instead making her walk back naked. He seems more chivalrous than that :)

Also, 'endear' should be 'endured.'

Perhaps instead of him explaining, in somewhat awkward terms, that he had Eve with his wife and 'the sex was consensual,' you could simply say that Eve's mother had been his wife? A good rule of thumb with dialogue is to say it out loud, and if it sounds unnatural there is probably some tweaking to do :)

Last thing.. Alice seems like a strong, independent type, who has seen her share of horrors. I would expect her to be more argumentative when he is saying how many hard times his soldiers had seen.. And I expected her to at least have some internal struggle and less willing dialogue when she is asked if she is cool with 'belonging' to the Commander.

All in all, you're great at keeping the reader interested in turning the page, and while your story is getting progressively more detailed, I would recommend reading it through the perspective of someone who doesn't know what is going to happen next, and then addressing some of the questions that you have about your story :)

Looking forward to the next installment!

CFB

[Shep]

Much better than the last chapter. It showe promise. If would like some help with some of the grammer problems just ask and I will be glad to help as a long as you do the same for me and others struggling with the things that you noticed. If not I am glad just to come a long for the ride. Been burned to many times. Be back to read more kindle needs to charge.

[Imagination-mage]

this was very good...sort of scary to wake up naked in front of a bunch of men ~shivers~ scary

[TKBickel]

Glad to see you doing a little editing, it’s forming up rather nicely.
‘The dark eyes of what once used to be respectable men watch her, wanting her. They argue among themselves about who will get the first turn with her.’ A great creepy, hair raising, kind of lines that makes me come back for more.
Check out this part again “Alright, I understand. Well, my name is Derek. And as you can I’m commander of this rag tag army.” Are you wanting a see after can?
Let me know when you do any editing, I would love to reread those again.

[Archia]

I like the dialogue, it moved it along and certainly introduced more about the whole setting. This whole chapter though, mostly is dialogue and I think some further description is needed; is it sunny, what is the place like? Those type of things.

[Coffee Vampier]

“Judge them if you must, I may not like what they do, but this men have endear"

Just a little confused with this.. i think you mean "these"? Normally I am not one to correct because I do the same thing. I can see someone already pointed out to you 'endear' to 'endure' haha but then again the again they would be in endeared to their work! Actually I might keep that was a write as a double meaning.

By the way! I already Love Derek! and its very sweet that he has a baby and is willing to take Alice in. I would probably stick him Derek if i were her.

[patricia]

This was a well written chapter, nice introduction of the hero figure. Some decent bits of psychology penned. Thanks.

[Popble]

Again a chapter that surpasses the previous. It moves at a great pace, just needs a grammatical check up; maybe have Alice a little more argumentative, that's about it.

[HaruHau-Chan]

This chapter actually feels more rushed than the last. It feels like it's hopping about quite a bit, like you were trying to force it all out of your head at once.
Slow down and relax while you write. Try to add in a bit more detail.
Also, Alice seems to be rolling over quite a bit more than one would think she would. Why is she being so cooperative?

And also, what is the comparison to Wonderland? The only connection I can see is that her name is Alice, but she hasn't escaped into a magical world or one that is going to teach her about the problems that she's going to be pacing in the real world. She's been in the real world this whole time. And there are no other characters that represent those from the wonderland stories.

[Ice Girl]

that was good.

[Daenerys]

Loved this chapter!