Simply Complicated

A Chapter by DarkLove

Loving someone who you think will never love you back is complicated enough, but when the person you love is going out with your best friend... It gets more complicated.

My heart is open… Just for you… Please, please take it…

Over and over, Jasmine repeats that, but no, he does not hear her heart beating faster and faster. No, he rambles on and on about how wonderful her friend is.

“And so, Anne was just in such a great mood…”

Jasmine sighs. “Anne is always in a great mood, Chris. Other than when she thinking about the past three or four d*********s that she‘s called boyfriends.”

“…. Are you calling me a d****e?” Chris asks.

“You aren’t going out with her, so no, I’m not,” she replies.

Chris narrows his eyes. “You weren’t listening to a word I said, were you?”

“Oh, you know me,” Jasmine says, shrugging. “Always listening every once in a while… Tune in, tune out, tune in, tune out…”

Chris rolls his eyes and grins. “Well, this is one thing I’ll say a thousand times: I asked Anne out.”

Jasmine’s heart skips a beat, and her face falls. “Wh-what?”

Chris’s grin broadens. “And it gets better, Jass! She said yes!”

“That-that’s great, Chris!” Jasmine says, faking enthusiasm. A nervous laugh escapes her lips. Jasmine feels her heart being crushed, and torn into shreds.

Chris frowns. “What’s wrong?”

Jasmine shakes her head, her brows furrowing into the shape of a V. “I- just shocked, is all. I’m happy for you.” She stands up. “I have to go now.” Jasmine runs out of the area, and towards her bus.

Don’t cry… Don’t you dare cry… Anne is on that bus! Don’t cry!

The first tear leaked though as she blinked, and they did not stop. No matter what she did, the tears would not stop. By the time she got to the bus, they were fully going, streaming down her face like a waterfall.

She couldn’t breathe. She was feeling suffocated. How could she go on the bus like this? Anne, Brittany, and Mark were on the bus!

Her eyes widened, and more tears slipped out. Anne…

She would be in such a great mood- how could Jasmine wreak that for her? What kind of friend would she be then-

Wait, Jasmine could cover her tracks. She had a horrendous hangover earlier, she could say that the pain was back, that a teacher blew a whistle in her ear, or by her ear… Something like that…

A white lie, just to protect her friends. A protection lie. Yes, it’s perfect! Anne won’t ever find out.

“Jass! You’ll never gue- what the hell happened to you?!” Anne screeched.

Jasmine fake winces. “N-not so loud, please,” she growls. “A teacher blew a damn whistle in my ear, and I still have that f*****g hangover.”

Anne narrows her eyes. “You were screamin’ all day at people for whisperin’!” Anne lectures. “You have to stop this, Jasmine.”

More tears fall. “I’ll do want,” Jasmine snaps, pushing up the hood of her jacket and sitting in the seat in front of Anne.

Anne leans forward and whispers, “Chris asked me out,” then leans back, letting out a girly scream.

Anne was too happy to notice Jasmine anymore than she already had. Brittany got on the bus, and sat with Anne, remembering that Jasmine had a hangover.

Jasmine was sobbing now. Little whimpers escaped her lips and her body shakes. She leans forward in her seat, placing her head on seat in front of her. Her heart fully on her sleeve- she hates this, showing such emotion in such a public place. A person sits next to her, “May I hold you?” he whispers.

Jasmine shakes her head, “I-” a sob interrupts her. “Hango-”

“Don’t lie to me,” Mark says. “You know that song that you like so much? May I, by Trading Yesterday? Well, let me raise you up. May I hold you? I know you loved him.”

Jasmine’s eyes widen and she flings herself into Mark’s open arms. “I-I fe-feel.. So bad…”

He smiles. “That’s heartbreak, sweetie. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you. May I be your shield?”

Jasmine tries to answer with words, but her sobs interrupt her. So, instead she nods, and buries her head further in his jacket. “Shh, Jassie, I’ve got you.”

Jasmine’s sobs increase, getting Mark’s jacket soaked, but neither care, or even think about it. “May I hold you, as you fall to sleep… When the world is closing in…”

Mark sings to her, as she slowly falls to sleep. And Anne looks over and grins.

“Britt, look at that! I think we might have to new couples in one day!” The girls break into giggles.

Brittany looks over as well. “Oh my, God! I thought you were jokin’!”

“I always thought that this would happen,” Anne says. “I could tell he likes her.”

“Let me raise you up…. Let me be your love…. May I hold you, as you fall to sleep…” Mark mummers.

Both of the girls eyes’ widen at this, and they cover their mouths in order not to scream or giggle.

Anne speaks first. “How cute~!

Brittany nods in agreement. “And she was sleeping on him!”

They giggle.

Mark looks over at them. “See you tomorrow, Anne.”

“Huh?”

“Well, this is your stop, right?”

Anne looks up and curses. “See you guys later!” She gathers her things and runs to the front. “Tell Jasmine to call me!”

“Yeah…. Right.” Mark says. “Just when she gets peaceful…”

“She’s a drunken mess, Mark,” Brittany says.

“She’s a mess, period. Not just a drunken mess, but a love-sick mess… A sweet mess…” Mark smiles. “She just needs someone to take care of her.”

“She’s my mom,” Brittany says.

Mark chuckles. “Even moms need to be taken care of every once in a while.”

Brittany nods. “Yeah. I don’t want her to keep drinking…”

“She’s just shaken right now. She’ll be fine soon. I’ll take care of her.”

Brittany hold her breath. He really does like her…

“Jassie, wake up,” Mark says, shaking her. “This is your stop. You want me to come by later?”

Jasmine shakes her head. “No… I wanna be alone for a bit. I’ll see you around, tomorrow, at school.” Jasmine quickly gathers her things, a sob breaks though again. She takes a deep, shaky breath. “S-see ya.”

***

“Yesterday I died…Tomorrow’s bleeding…” Jasmine mummers the words of the song Shattered, under her breath, as she waits for the bus. She shakes her head. “What am I gonna do?” she groans to herself. She didn’t text Chris back the night before at all. She frowns and looks down at her cell phone.

Frowning once again, she places the phone in her pocket. She was determined to be strong- she had talked to Mark last night, he said that he would be here for her. That she could cy on his shoulder anytime she wanted.

Jasmine smiles to herself- a small, pitiful smile- and shake her head. Such a good friend, Mark is, she thinks to herself.

The bus pulls up, stopping right before her. She walks to the other side, to the door, and climb in. “Good morning,” she greats.

“Mornin’,” the driver, Mrs. Pat, replies.

Jasmine walks to her usual seat, the one right before Anne’s. “Are you gonna yell at me for whisperin’ again?” Anne asks, testily.

Jasmine rolls her eyes. I wasn’t yelling, I was whisper-screaming… “Nice to see you too, Anne.”

Anne smiles. “Yeah… So… Chris said you wouldn’t text him back last night….”

“I was on the phone.”

Anne narrows her eyes. “You hate talkin’ on the phone. You only use the phone for talkin’ when it comes to me, Britt, and your mom. Do you really expect me to-”

“Mark called me,” Jasmine interrupts, raising her voice. “Is there something wrong with that?”

Anne’s mouth goes into an O and her eyes widen slightly. “So… I was right?” she questions.

“About…?” Jasmine lets the question hang. It was hard talking to Anne, knowing that Anne was dating the guy Jasmine is in love with.

“You… and Mark… Together?”

Jasmine freezes. “… Do what now? Are you insane, woman?! No!” Jasmine shakes her head. “I- things happened, and I could talk to him.”

“And you couldn’t talk to Chris? That guy who knows ev-er-y-thing about you? Everything that you won’t tell me.”

“It was something else, that I couldn’t talk to Chris about! Leave me alone, okay? I don’t wanna talk to you right now.”

Anne’s eyes widen. “Well, someone’s bitchy today…”

Jasmine ignores her, staying forward. She absently fingers her jacket sleeves- even though it was so hot today, she was wearing a jacket. Well, there are always something that people don’t know about her.

Mark boards the bus and plops down next to Jasmine. “Hey, Jassie. How ya feelin’? he asks.

“Like s**t,” she mutters, leaning her head on his shoulder. “I think you grew.”

Mark laugh and wraps his arm around her shoulder. “Yeah, I’m taller than you now.”

“Stop it!” she laughs. “You know I hate when guys are taller than me!”

“Okay, Ms. Five-foot-nine, you know that you’re tall enough, right? You’re perfect height,” Mark says.

“Mm, spoken like someone who really doesn’t want me sulking the whole day about stupid things,” Jasmine muses.

“Yep, exactly. I wanna see that pretty smile.”

“Aww,” Anne coos, “you two make such a cute couple!”

“Wha- Anne, what did I just-”

“Hmm, Jassie, she might be right!” Mark says. “We could rule Hell- side by side! What’d ya say? Is it a deal?”

Jasmine laughs. “Stupid,” she mummers, pushing him.

Mark laughs as well, but then becomes serious. “Lemme see,” he says, gently picking up her writs. “I wanna see the damage.”

Jasmine shakes her head, and lifts the sleeve. “Bandaged,” she whispers. “I thought that I should be careful- it looked like it might start bleeding again.”

Mark swallows. “That bad, then? Damn, Jass. Don’t ever do that to yourself again.”

Jasmine covers her wrist again. “No promises.”

“No promises to what?” Anne asks, leaning forward.

“None of your business,” Marks says, sticking out his tough.

Anne huffs and sits back. “Britt’s not comin’ today, by the way.”

“Oh, no,” Jasmine pouts. “My favorite daughter…”

“You still have me!” Anne says.

Jasmine looks back and pouts more. “But you aren’t my favorite.”

“I’m your least favorite?”

“Well, I have only two daughters, so… Yeah…” Jasmine nods to herself, and turns back to Mark, who’s giving her a what-the-hell look. “What?” she asks. “I’m being honest!”

Mark shakes his head. “You guys are usually like best friends, come on, Jassie, don’t start acting different just because-”

“I’m not,” she snaps, “I just- I’m confused and I- how am I suppose to act?” She turns her head to the window. “Everything is all wrong.”

“Look at me, Jassie,” Mark says, turning her head to him. “You act like you always do. Just be you.”

“Right now, I can’t. I’m broken, Mark. I don’t know what to do…”

“Let me raise you up, Jasmine.” Mark opens his arms. “May I hold you?”

Jasmine smiles. “Yeah,” she breathes, cuddling into him. “Thank you.”

Mark smiles and lays his head on hers. “You smell good,” he mutters. “Living up to your name or something?”

“It’s not Jasmine- I don’t think anyhow. I think it’s cherry, or strawberry… Maybe it’s vanilla…” Jasmine tails off. “You smell good, too. Chocolate Ax, yum.”

“You’re suck a kid sometimes.”

Jasmine nods. “I’m just a little girl.”

“Cause all of this is all that I can take, and you could never understand the demons that I face. So, go ahead and bat your eyes and lie right to the world, for what everything you are- you’re just a little girl,” Mark sings.

Jasmine smiles. “Yeah, that sounds like me…”

“Not all of it. You understand a lot,” Mark says.

“I’ve been though a lot.”

“Yeah. I know.” Mark lets out a sigh. “Are you gonna be okay?

“No. I’m not. I wanna go home and cry my eyes out and scream into my pillow and smash things and cry more. I wanna bleed more, and I just want to die. I don’t want to be here, being surrounded by people who don’t really care about me, but they act like they do. I have no idea why I’m still here- probably because I’m too chicken to actually kill myself.” Jasmine laughs, short and bitter, and continues talking, “I’m such a wimp.”

“No, you aren’t, damn it! Jasmine, I know you pretty damn well, and I know that you are not a wimp! You are smart.”

Jasmine looks up at him, her eyes watery, and sniffs. “We’re at school,” she announces. A tear rolls down her cheek, and she sniffs again, putting her hood up. “I’m gonna run to the bathroom and clean up. Go on to the break area, and I’ll be there soon.”

“Is that Chris? My boyfriend!” Anne exclaims.

Jasmine rushes off the bus as fast as her feel would let her- now she wasn’t just heartbroken, she was jealous.

She made a sharp turn, ran a few feet, and then made another turn into the bathroom. She waved her hands in front of the sink, and watched as the water began to rush out of the faucet. Then, she cupped her hands, letting water gather in them, and then splashed it on her face.

Taking three, deep, shaky breaths, Jasmine looked up at her reflection. Slowly, she shakes off her hands, and pulls down her hood. She then pulls out two rubber bands and starts to comb her hair with her fingers, and puts up her chest length hair into two low pig-tails.

Walking out of the bathroom, and to the break area, she mentally thanks her mother for rushing her out of the house, making her skip putting on her makeup.

Suddenly, Chris pops back into her mind.

Her heart burns- why doesn’t anyone ever see it? She wants to cry so badly… But, then, she doesn’t want to show that weakness. She wants to be real- more so, she wants to die. To leave the Earth and never return. More than that, she wanted to be held, and loved. She wanted someone to help her. To cradle her and tell her that they love her and that everything will get all better. Why can’t anyone do that? It’s all she’s wanted, yet she pushes everyone away from her. She slices her wrists, and she’s tempted to slice her throat. Anything…. Just to get away from everything. She is shattered- the heart, her soul, all of her. She doesn’t have any reason to live. So why is she still here? Is she hoping that someone will suddenly love her and do all those thing that she wishes will happen? Everyone sees an innocent little girl, that does everything right, when she is truly just a screw up. Why? The question repeats over and over in her head, never ending. She wants a protector, a lover, and so many other things. Does she need them, or him? Yes, she needs someone to be there for her, otherwise she shall not live to see tomorrow.

Then, just as suddenly as Chris popped into her mind, Mark pops in. That’s right, Jasmine reminds herself, Mark did all of that for me. And he sang to me. Shaking her head, Jasmine walks forward, towards her friends.

This is gonna be a long day…