Wake me Never

I won't be the good guy forever

        Building things is quite exhausting you know. Especially when you have been building something the entirety of your life. For some people, they might be building a legacy for themselves to pass on to a loved one. For me, it’s been a road of darkness that I have been building most of my life. I built it and now I’m cursed to walk upon it for the rest of my life.

        Because of this road I have built I feel exhausted and defeated every single day of my life. I get out of bed everyday wondering to myself why I’m still here. I go about my everyday life wondering what my purpose is in this world. Am I just a pawn like every other living creature on this planet? Why am I even here anymore?

         Along this road of darkness I have built I have come across other people that were willing to travel the road with me. I always enjoyed their company, it always made the journey just the slightest bit tolerable. They were people who had similar hardships of my own. It had always brought me comfort to see others on this road with me, I didn’t feel as alone when they were with me. Much like everyone else, they always found a way off of the road and moved on. Once again leaving me alone to travel on the road I have been paving.

         There have also been people on this road who have just passed me by paying me no mind whatsoever and some who have even kicked me down and laughed. In a way I pitied them. I was already miserable and they felt the need to bring me down even further than I was. Because of my pity for them I have helped them off the road. Perhaps it was of my own selfish ambitions that I helped them off. I wanted to  be rid of them. They caused me nothing more than pain and misery and I was glad to be rid of them. I didn’t help them because I was kind. 

          Why do I keep building this road and continue to suffer? So other people don’t have to. I maybe selfless, but some people don’t see it that way. They see me as someone who helps other people to help myself. If that’s true then why do I stay on this road to help others off of it? I may want people off to leave me be, but that’s not the case for all people. I help some off the road because I see that they are truly miserable on it. No one deserves the pain of this road. That’s why I help them off, without thinking for a second of how to help myself off. 

          Continuing on down this road and helping people off I continue to be more exhausted all the time. Some people ask if I’m okay and I tell them no, but I also tell them not to worry about me. They don’t need to spend the unnecessary stress worrying about me. People tell me I should worry about myself for a change. I know I should but I can’t. If I walk this road so other people don’t have to, it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

          There will come a time where my journey on this road will end. When that time comes I won’t be the good guy anymore. I will cease to be the kind and gentle soul that people know me to be. The demons that lurk in the shadows will come for me and that is when I know I’m at my journeys end. If you see those demons attacking me, don’t worry. When they’re finished with me don’t you chase after crying my name. It is time for me to rest. You may cry my name as I lay there helpless and dying, shaking my body telling me not to go. Let me rest. You don’t need me anymore. Maybe all along you never did.