Heartless

     People who know me rather well know that I am generally a kind hearted person. I am one of those people who will drop whatever I’m doing to make sure that you’re okay. If you need backup I’m there. If you need someone to talk to, I’m there. So my question is this: Why is it so hard to return that kindness? What is it about being kind hearted that makes people want to stab you in the back?

     Someone once told me that I’m a fool for being kind hearted and caring in the current world that we live in. There are times where I honestly believe that. I pour a lot of energy into trying to make sure that other people can be happy. There areally a lot of times where I don’t  know why, most of the time people don’t  appreciate it. I had a friend I played online games with who’s husband wasn’t exactly the nicest person around. Sometimes I would hear the guy yell at her through the microphone and it would get pretty intense. One time I remember hearing him come home drunk through the microphone and heard screaming. 

      The following day she had told me that he had hit her and she was actually hurt pretty bad. She asked me what she should do. The only thing I could think of to tell her was to leave him for the time being and go somewhere she would be safe, and to take her little girl with her. She listened, and a couple of days later I got mail ingame telling me she was thankful for asking me what to do and that she felt much better. I felt like I had done something right for once and felt pretty good. That tune changed rather quickly though, as she sent me another message about a week later, telling me how she was getting to be miserable living without her husband and how she blamed me for her misfortune. She said she was living with her mother to escape her husband and claimed she was miserable living with her. Again, she blamed me for it. It’s amazing really, it is highly probable that in telling her what to do I saved both her and her little girl’s life and what I get in return is blame for her misfortune. 

      People  also tend to mistake my kindness for a weakness. I may be the person who makes sure that you’re doing okay, but if you hurt me or the people I care about I can and will make your life a living hell. I may be kind, but I’m also protective. I would die to protect the people I care about if it boiled down to it. Maybe that’s why people take advantage of my kindness. They know I’m willing to do anything to help without asking for anything in return. My mom told me I was raised to have a big heart, and she says that’s what makes me endearing. Even if I do help someone and my help isn’t enough, I always turn back around and help again, even if I get lashed at. It’s just what I do.

      There are times I wish that I could be heartless, do things for myself and not for anyone else. Every time I try in the end I just feel guilty. If I ignore someone who needed help and instead just helped myself or looked the other way I feel guilty in the end. If someone lashes at me and tell me my help wasn’t  enough I still feel guilty. It seems that no matter what I do I just feel guilty all in the end. Maybe what that person told me was right. Maybe I am a fool for having a kind heart and soul in this day and age. Maybe I should be heartless. I know I can’t do that though. Maybe it is because of that I am a fool.

Reviews

[Miles W.]

I ask you then, who is the greater fool? The fool who abandons all he stands for, or the fool who stands tall in what he believes no matter what the storms bring? I'm not sure how everything has come to pass here, but I have seen many people go down this path before. Many in a much deeper darkness than I dare even dream of. And through it, they still stood tall in the light. You my friend, are one of the strongest people I know. Despite everything, you still stand tall with a smile on your face. You are somebody that no matter what happens, will keep on fighting for what is right, even if the world does not appreciate you for it at the time. But even if the darker parts of the world bring you pain, your actions will still be noticed by your friends, family, and God.