Prologue

The day Talon left the Valor Mercenaries marked the beginning of his long and perilous adventure of self discovery. Along with his only friend Willard, the mercenary departs in the middle of the night

Even in the furthest reaches of the mystical region of Tyseria, the most uneducated man could recite the heroic tales of Lord Lucian and the Valor Mercenaries.  The greatest of these tales would recount how in the land's darkest hours, Lucian rose up through trials and hardships and along with his gang of warriors, defeated  the tyrant  Nazrogoth empire and dethroned the evil Emperor Cobalt, leading the war torn region into a time of peace among nations.

Lucian didn't start his crusade against the Nazrogoth Empire as the warlord the tales would eventually tell about.  In fact, Lucian began his journey as a teenager forced into a leadership role as his mother, Vale (as the name suggests, the original leader of the Valor Mercenary Company.) was slain by Lord Cobalt in battle.  Along with the small band of the original Valor Mercenaries, Lucian raised a small but powerful army that would unite nations to battle the great evil.  Most people in the original Valor Company and the small army that joined them learned to respect Lucian's great leadership and skill as a warrior, but not every warrior would share that sentiment.  This is not Lord Lucian's tale, but the tale of a man that left the world's greatest Mercenary Company to search for his own tale of glory and splendor that would become more fiscally profitable.  This is the story of one of the deadliest snipers and assassins the world had never heard of...This is the tale of Talon.

Talon was one of the original Valor Mercenaries, hired on by the great former Dragon Knight, Vale, herself.  He had tremendous respect for this priestess of battle as she took him in as a mercenary at a very young age.  Her son who inherited leadership over the mercenary crew however, Talon never could stand.  While everyone else saw Lucian as a strong virtuous man, Talon saw him as an arrogant young pup who robbed the Vale Mercenary of many much more profitable opportunities because he was to busy saving the world. 

"The world would have saved itself." Talon would often grumble to himself late at night when he slept in Fort Valor, a large tree fort that served as the mercenaries base of operation.  "We could have used all those long months doing jobs that would have paid for a much more comfortable base full of unimaginable riches."

Talon had even left the mercenaries at one point once Lucian was named the new Commander.  He was hired on as a mercenary for the Nazrogoth's army defending a particular outpost that was being invaded by the Valor Mercenaries.  In a battle that to this day, Talon attributes to dumb luck, he was bested by Lucian and his life was spared, as Lucian had made a deal with him at the beginning of the fight.  Had Talon won, he would have walked away as the leader of the Vale Mercenaries.  Since he lost, the assassin had to rejoin the group and help with Lucian's cause until the end of the war.  Talon decided to stay on with the Valor Mercenaries for a few years after the war, hoping the great fame of the crew would lead them into wealth and fame.

Three years later, Talon was still another nameless mercenary under the leadership of the "Great Lord Lucian." 

It was late one quiet and peaceful night in the Valor Forest (yes, they even had a forest named after the mercenaries for their feats.), when Talon decided that he was done being a nobody.  He knew very well that far across the reaches of Tyseria there was no one better with a bow, and very few assassins that could keep up with his stealth and cunning.  And yet, in any tavern Talon entered his name was never heard among great war tales...it was always that OTHER Valor Mercenary.  In times of peace, the Valor Mercenaries were no longer doing as dangerous and exciting jobs as they once had under the leadership of Vale the great Dragon Knight.

After packing all of his necessary belongings, the crafty medium height man with short blue hair silently left the Fort and walked into the night truly unsure of where his feet would lead him.  One thing Talon knew, as he began walking past numerous large trees, any place he went would be better then where he was now.

"Surely you aren't planning on leaving by yourself?" A deep voice was heard behind Talon.  The marksman stopped and smiled, as he slowly shook his head.  He recognized the voice as his best, and only friend, Willard, a former knight of the Baron Republic.

Talon turned around and looked at his tall burly friend with blond hair, who's eyes were clearest blue that reminded him of lake as the sun shown arross its waters and spoke. "I am leaving, Willard. And nothing you say can change my mind."

"Change your mind?" Willard repeated, his voice raising inquisitively.  "I'm going with you!  Things are way to slow here, beside, trouble's always a stone's throw away from Talon the Sniper."

"Whatever," Talon said as he continued to walk through the forest, secretly relieved that his friend was journeying with him.  "Just don't slow me down big boy...Fate has big plans for me, when I'm done accomplishing all I can accomplish, the tales of Lucian of the Valor Mercenaries will be considered boring compared to amazing feats of the great Talon....Just you wait and see!"

Little did Talon know how true that statement was, and what a painful and dangerous journey he was about to begin.  This, my friends, is the tale of how Talon, the mercenary with no morals, became a Hero.

Reviews

[StillShorterThanYou]

that was a GREAT beginning! I'm just going to have to read more of it now! :) Assassins are always one of my favorite characters to read about, even though I like playing Rangers. The Assassins always have something kinda of dark around them that kinda draws me in I guess. Keep up the good work!

[DarkCrono15]

Thanks for the review! I think you'll like Talon, he's kind of an assassin and ranger =)

[Shep]

Like the history you gave me regarding the character and giving me a taste towards the end. You have engaged me with at a tale I am dying to read.

Grammar Idea
Talon turned around and looked his tall burly friend with blonde hair straight in the blue eyes and spoke.

Talon turned around and looked at his tall burly friend with blond hair, who's eyes were clearest blue that reminded him of lake as the sun shown arross its waters and spoke. "I am leaving, Willard. And nothing you say can change my mind."

[DarkCrono15]

Glad you enjoyed the start and it looks like you've dropped quite a few reviews! I look forward to reading them =)

Afterwards, I'll come back and add your grammar idea to the story...thanks!

[Shep]

Sorry, fast reader here. I took a class in college to help get through text books faster. It incresed my reading ten fold. I was already fast reading novels from one maybe two a week, now I can double that even when try to take my time.

The trick is to get your mind to read any word once instead of three times. Try it you. Will see that you do it. Then ask yourself why. One you see the word and respell it even though you have seen the word hunderds of times. You think how it sounds and thrid you say the word knowing its correct then move on to the next. Once you learn to do the thrid thing once you are on your way to fast track of reading faster than you thought possible.

[DarkCrono15]

Haha, that's really interesting! I definitely see what you're saying. Cool stuff.

[David Ransom]

Well you hooked me enough to read until 2:15 am. I'm going to pay for this in the morning, but worth it. Oh, and by the way take all of my thoughts with a grain of salt as this is the first time I've reviewed anything, and I only began writing with words within the last year that weren't lyrics.

First off I would agree with Mr. Hart-Jones. I really do like this, the potential is bubbling off the page.

I feel like you've given me your outline and historical background here. It's almost like reading a history book. Personally, I'd love to see you show me the battle in which Vale is slain, how Lucian bears witness to it, his reaction, and the bonds and conflict crated between Talon and Lucian through this experience. The action could be great, and you could drop your background info into it as it plays out. And why is she called the Dragon Knight? I feel like there is some magic here, but what?

Speaking of questions:
- What has happened between these two that has generated such emotion?
- What's Talon's reaction to the tavern conversations? Does he merely throw a drink at someone and storm off to pout or does he from the victims POV kill seemingly unprovoked?
-Give me more of an idea of Talon's character, is he a honorable man turned to mercenary work because of what? or has he always been a rough neck out to make the world as miserable as he is?
-What bonds do Willard and Talon share? How did they build them?
-What happened?!

You've opened a lot of questions here!! That can only be good in my mind, but I'd like a few of them answered up front here since the answers can only suck me in further. So in conclusion good start, but I think you could make it even better.

[DarkCrono15]

Thanks for the review David! I'm honored to be your first "reviewee" and I must say that its a great review!

I do see what you're saying about needing some more background information on Talon. Perhaps I'll go back to these earlier chapters and flesh him out a little bit. My original plan (if you want to call it that) is to flesh him out as the story continues, where as many of the other characters get fleshed out when they are introduced...the idea is took the mystery going, but sometimes that can get bothersome.

And as far as Vale, Lucian, and the story that is just briefly mentioned in the prologue...my tentative idea is to write that tale when I am done with Talon's story...Similar to how Star Wars did the "first three episodes" after the last 3.

Thanks for the advice, its very helpful! I hope you continue you read the story, and continue to enjoy it...and I hope it is well worth staying up til 2 reading!

Now, I'm going to go read your other review...thanks a lot!

[Anthony Hart-Jones]

It's got potential, especially with the way you seem to have set up a background for the world. You characters already have history which seems like it will colour the story. I like that.

The story looks like it's caught between two styles though. The asides and the statements about what is still to come sound like a bard telling a tale, but the overall style is a little too formal and some places are even a little dry.

The other big problem that jumps out at me is that your descriptions feel a little forced, that you are jamming a physical description into your text every time you introduce a character. I think it's a problem with brevity; take your time with events and your descriptions, let your chapters stretch out a little. A prologue can get away with being short, but the chapters which follow look far too brief.

In the end though, I like the story. You seem to have a good sense of the world and the characters, which informs the relationships and their feelings.

[DarkCrono15]

Thanks a lot Anthony! I appreciate your review. I'll keep your constructive criticism in mind and work to make my other chapters longer with hopefully less forced descriptions. I love writing for fun but know that I have plenty of room for improvement so any tips you have are always appreciated =)

I hope you continue to read the tale and let me know your thoughts!