another pill

my designer drug

another pill swallowed dry down my throat

the scares on my wrist seems the perfect antidote

the paper in my hand.... my suicide note

my head above water barely afloat

the knife sinks to the end

I need him back I need my friend

I can see it now every message I send

I wont help..... the wound wont mend

I tried so hard...

I must have dug in to deep

my arms and legs are scarred

I look at the note.... as I fall asleep

 

Author's Note

"here is the thoughts that go through my head 24/7" tell me your honest opinion I need it

Reviews

[Butters]

It's been years since I've been on this site so if I'm reviewing the wrong way, please forgive me. I like the ideas behind your poem-seems like something you deal with daily. I'd like to see it be developed a little more. Specifically the second stanza- what's the story with the friend? why do you care about him, why do we? I think its cool to be vague in poetry but at the same time keeping a connection to the reader.

[emipoemi]

You have a few spelling mistakes, but the poem itself it hea-vy! To be more honest, the first stanza is the most powerful, but the poem as a whole does end on a powerful note too. Congrats on the win!

[Nathan Spark]

congratulations on this winning entry. what's inside YOU is the power that brings forth such great writing!

[Nolo Segundo]

You poem is painful for me to read because as a 24 year old I tried suicide hoping to escape depression into nothingness, but I went, that is my soul, a consciousness that exists apart from my body (and has always existed) went to a place more terrible than can possibly be imagined. I was given a 2nd chance, maybe in part to respond almost 1/2 a century later to your poem. Too many today confuse their thinking with 'ultimate reality'--the reality of the world that exists beyond (and within) this world; and if you find murder abhorrent, keep in mind suicide is self-murder. I know this is all a bit 'heavy' but you did say you needed an honest opinion.

[Ian P. Albrecht]

Your poem reminds me of two songs: Happy Rhodes' "Lay Me Down" & Nightwish's "Sleeping Sun". (Both are on YouTube. Don't know about Spotify or any other music service.) All three leave me with he same feel. I don't want to call it "a beauty that comes from hopelessness"; I'm not sure that's accurate or that there is such a thing, but your poem does have a similar rose-rising-out-of-a-pile-of-$#!+ quality to it.

Something I noticed that I thought was interesting was in the second stanza. It could be interpreted as the knife being your friend. Makes for an interesting perspective.

Thanks for sharing, and keep watering your rose.

[DarkArtz 0703]

thank you for the review I.