I Undressed.

I undressed for you today.

I stared into your eyes and you looked away.

You got nervous, and left the room.

So there I sat; waiting for you.

I undressed for you today.

My heart sped up when you looked my way.

I shattered and crumbled to the ground

As you fondly watched the passing clouds. 

I undressed for you today.

In hopes that you'd have something to say.

But you closed your mouth, and all your doors,

And left me there, alone, on your floor. 

I undressed for you today.

You held me close and called me lovely.

My heart warmed and I began to cry.

And then I woke up, with a tear in my eye. 

Reviews

[Stormy Weather]

I disagree with Ruben, and partly because I've been told my repetition is favorable. But also because I think it shows many different ways you can describe/interpret the same phrase or word.

Either way, most of your analogies seem literal and not metaphorical, but because I know your character, and from the character of the words, I, personally know that you did not literally undress yourself and cry in a room about it.

But maybe you did?

[Stormy Weather]

I love you.

[Mr Alednac]

This poem consists up of 4 stanzas with for lines in each stanza, pretty basic stuff and diction filled monosyllabic and a little polysyllabic words. The analogy that is made here is that showing your feelings towards someone is revealing, just as undressing yourself in front of someone. This analogy is very brilliant and is the first line in every stanza, but I feel that to be a little repetitive. Try using different analogies at the beginning of each stanza to show off creativity and to keep things fresh. This poem has so much potential but is good nonetheless, just use different analogies and make it seem more complex by using higher diction and possibly draw more allusions in this poem.