From the Journal of Elizabeth May 28, 2006

From the Journal of Elizabeth

May 28, 2006

Amber looked at me, half smiling, half worried. Nathan sat at the back of the room, probably trying to blend in to the scenery to give us some girl time, without actually leaving the room. He'd been reluctant to leave us alone, if he could help it. It was like he was afraid Rob would come bursting through the door, ready to go at it again. To be honest, I was afraid, but I was also a paranoid freak.

“You're really going to like Jarred,”Amber assured me. “He's really sweet, and just an all around good guy.”

“You sound like your setting me up on a date or something. We're all going as friends. So, what are you getting at with all of this?” I gestured to the hair straightener and the makeup spread all over her dresser. It was just the movies, why did I have to be all prettied up for that?

“I just want to prove to you that not all guys are psychotic a******s.”

“I know they're not. Nathan's awesome.”

“You know what I mean,” Amber scolded.

“I don't want to get involved with anyone.”

“I don't expect you to. I just don't want you to turn into a hermit because of what Rob did.”

“I'm not turning into a hermit,” I disagreed. Nathans long winded sigh from the corner, and the look of sheer annoyance on Ambers face told me I hadn't fooled them at all. The phone downstairs rang, and a minute later Ambers mother called up the stairs.

“Phone!”

“Damn, I'll be right back.” She hopped up off of the bed and headed down. I turned to Nathan.

“I'm turning into a hermit?” I asked him. He frowned and nodded.

“Not even just a hermit. A depressed hermit. None of this is your fault and I keep feeling like there's something your not telling me.”

I sucked in my breath, knowing he was right, but I wasn't about to admit that beneath the long sleeve shirt that I wore, were gashes that ran vertically from my wrist, to almost my elbow.

“No.”

“Elizabeth. I'm not stupid. What aren't you telling me? Did he come back for you? Did you do anything?”

I shook my head, “I haven't seen him since that night. I already promised you guys that if he came back, we'd report it.”

“And you haven't done anything?” he asked again.

“I don't know what you mean,” I said, leaning back against the wall and shielding my left arm from view.

“Elizabeth, let me see, please.”

“There's nothing to see.”

“Please stop lying to me.”

“I'm not lying...” I denied half-heartedly.

“Please Elizabeth. You need to talk to someone, and I know you haven't.”

I bit down on my lower lip and closed my eyes. He was right of course. He knew me too well, always had. I took in a shaky breath, fighting back my tears, and extended my left arm to him.

“Please don't be mad at me..” I murmured brokenly.

He too, took a deep breath, and slipped my sleeve back. I didn't watch his eyes. Instead, I focused my gaze on the lipstick tube by the dresser. I hoped Amber didn't expect me to wear that.

I could feel Nathans fingers gently on my wrist. I instinctively flinched away from his touch and hurried to cover the gashes.

“You did that...?” he asked. “When?”

“A few nights ago,” I admitted.

“Why...”

“Because I'm not going to be good enough for anyone again. Because every time I go to sleep I see Robs face. I don't want to live like this.”

“Let me get you help...something.”

“No. I'll be fine,” I said.

I was thankful that Amber chose that moment to walk back into the room, and I feared for a brief second that Nathan would tell her. He didn't, but only watched me with even more intensity.

About an hour later, we piled into Nathans car. Amber gave him the directions to Jarred's house, which was about fifteen minutes away. He was already outside and my first impression of him was...well...wow.

For fifteen, he sure had style. He wasn't preppy, or emo, or goth, or whatever. He was just Jarred. He had shaggy brown hair and caramel brown eyes that radiated sincerity, even from where I sat in the back seat. When he walked, it was with such an ease. He smiled at us as he approached, and I sucked in my breath.

Amber laughed, “I see you approve.”

“Shut up Amber,” I scolded as he opened the door and slipped into the seat next to me.

Oh my God! He was sitting next to me.

“Hey, I'm Jarred,” he said, smiling his perfect smile my way.

“I'm Elizabeth.” I grinned back at him, as his voice rang in my ears. It had such a musical sound to it.

“What movie are we seeing?” he asked.

“Some pirate one,” Nathan answered. “I forgot what its called, but I heard it was pretty good.”

When we pulled into the theater parking lot, Jarred hopped out of the car so quickly that I thought he was just excited to get away from me. By the time I had reached down for my purse and unbuckled my seat belt, he was on the other side of the car, opening the door for me. He had already opened Ambers. I grinned at him and said, “Thanks.”

He smiled back and the four of us headed up the stairs to the door. I had to keep telling myself that this wasn't a date, it was just a friends thing. Nathan skipped the last two steps and reached the door first, opening it for Amber and I to walk though.

“Gentleman wars,” She joked. We both laughed and headed up to the counter. Jarred walked up next to me and smiled.

“So, I'm paying for your ticket,” He informed me. I shook my head.

“Actually, I'm paying for my ticket,” I said in a joking manner. “I can get yours too, if you want.”

“No.”

“Okay, how about this,” I reasoned. “I'll buy the tickets, you can buy the popcorn and the drinks?”

“Alright, deal.”

Of course, I realized I had made the wrong deal when we got up to the snack counter and I saw the prices. Six bucks for a medium popcorn? One ticket cost five fifty!

“They make all their money at concessions,” Jarred grinned, as he handed me my popcorn, and slushy.

“Here, let me pay you back for this...” I said, reaching into my purse.

“Nope. A deal is a deal.” I bit down on my lower lip and frowned, which made him chuckle. “Come on, we're going to be late.”

We followed Nathan and Amber into theater two and sat in the very far back. I was surprised that the theater was relatively empty.

The movie its self was good. I wished someone had warned me about the gross blood parts though. I spent one third of the movie with my face buried in my hands in reaction to something I found disgusting on screen. When one pirate chopped the others arm off though, it got to be a little too much. I let out a yelp and buried my face in Jarred's chest. I could feel him shaking with silent laughter as he wrapped his arms around me, patting at my back.

“Ew, ew, gross!” I whispered.

“It's off the screen now, you're fine,” he whispered back. I looked up at the screen just as it switched to another bloody shot. I put my face back up against his chest.

“I think I like it here now, thanks. No more movie for me.”

“Well, thats convenient,” he whispered back, “since the movie is almost over.”

I looked up at him, and smiled, purposefully keeping my attention away from the screen. He smiled back at me, and took my hand in his.

“Do you...want to kiss me?” he asked, bringing his face close to mine. I closed my eyes.

“Yes...but...I don't think I can...”

“If you want to kiss me,” he breathed softly, “Then kiss me. Please.”

“I really want to, but I shouldn't, and...” I began to ramble stupidly, as my face inched closer to his. We were so close now that I could feel his breath in my mouth and his lips brushing mine. I sucked in deeply, and leaned in.

We left the theater holding hands, followed by a very smug Amber. I could practically hear her shouting “I told you so!” in her head.

Jarred opened the car door for me and I slid all the way across the seat so he could get in on the same side. I reached out timidly for his hand again. He moved a step further and put his arms around me to pull me close to his chest.

“I didn't expect anything like this to happen tonight,”

“Neither did I,” he admitted. “But I'm glad it did.”

When we got to his house, he sealed the night with another kiss that left my heart aching for more.

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