Nathan and Jarred July 3, 2009

Nathan and Jarred
July 3, 2009

Nathan looked out the window just in time to see the black Ford Explorer peel into his driveway. He wasn't in the mood for visitors, but he knew that sulking wouldn't benefit him either. He went to the door and stepped outside to see who it was that had decided to come over, uninvited, on a Friday afternoon. He'd let them in, he'd talk, whatever. But if they expected to get him to go out to a Fourth of July party, they'd be sorely disappointed.

At first, when Jarred stepped out of the car, Nathan was sure he was seeing things. But there he was, walking toward him, with his head bowed down in utter defeat.

“You heard?” Nathan assumed, taking a step forward. Jarred nodded and looked at him with bloodshot eyes. He looked as bad as Nathan felt, and that was saying something.

“Why'd she do it Nathan?” Jarred choked. “Wasn't she finally happy? Isn't that why she left me in the first place?”

Nathan sighed and sat down. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have, but he'd do it anyway. “She didn't leave you because she was unhappy Jarred. She left you because she was convinced she wasn't good enough for you.”

“Shouldn't that have been my choice?” Jarred cried, desperate, angry. “Shouldn't I have been the one to say?”

“If it was that easy,” Nathan sighed, “She'd still be here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hold on. I have her letter that she wrote at the beginning of the journal. You can read it, if you want. I'd let you look at her journal, and your letter too, but I sent it to someone who doesn't know her, so they could type it up and make copies. They aren't making copies of the letters, but the letters were in the journal, and I wanted to keep them in there until the owners could get them. I haven't even read mine yet.”

Jarred sighed. “Can I see her letter then?”

Nathan nodded and pulled the paper from his pocket. “Her parents are getting the original journal, but I kept the letter for myself...” He handed it to Jarred, who took it with shaking hands.

It was a minute before they said anything again. Jarred laid the paper on the hood of his car, and smoothed it out tenderly.

“She was good enough,” He said finally. “She was good enough for me, she had to have been good enough for Matt...She was good enough for anybody.”

“She didn't think that though,” Nathan sighed. “And Matt...well, lets just say he's on my s**t list.”

“Why's that? What'd he do?” Jarred said, looking up to lock eyes with Nathan.

“He treated her like she wasn't good enough, all the time. It drove me crazy, and I couldn't stop it. In my eyes, he killed her a long time ago. He finished what Rob started.”

“Why didn't she get help...something? Why didn't she leave him?”

“She was a very good actress,” Nathan said bitterly. “I always thought I could see through her, and I guess I could...until the end. It's not your fault though Jarred. You did what anyone would have done.”

“It's not your fault either. I know she was your best friend.”

Nathan nodded. “She was...And I should have stopped her. I should have known she'd end up doing this...”

“If she's as good of an actress as you say she was, then how could you expect to always see through the false face?”

“I think maybe I just...gave up.” Nathan sucked in his breath and silently wished that he was dead, too.

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